Connor McDavid: You read my diary?
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins: At first, I didn’t know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Wayne Gretzky: Okay, just to go over this one last time…
Wayne Gretzky: If I get hit, what do you do?
Marty McSorley: Avenge you.
Mark Messier: I am your captain, and from now on you will refer to me as such.
Glenn Anderson: Okay, Such.
Tobias Rieder: You know who I blame for this? Me.
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins: Why?
Tobias Rieder: Saves someone else doing it.
Adam Larsson: Connor gave me a 'Get Better Soon' card.
Oscar Klefbom: Aw, that's so sweet!
Adam Larsson: I wasn't sick. He just thought I could do better.
Chris Pronger: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Ryan Smyth: Please never become a surgeon.
Jari Kurri: You cut up my credit card?!
Esa Tikkanen: Into a ninja star!
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins: This is fun, something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Connor McDavid: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins: You know, when you play along with the robot jokes, it kind of ruins my enjoyment of them.
Connor McDavid: Yes, I know.
(On the Edmonton Oilers group chat.)
Ales Hemsky: I don't care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Taylor Hall: Alive.
Ales Hemsky: Not in jail?
Taylor Hall: *read 3:46am*
Ales Hemsky: Taylor!
Darnell Nurse: Don't forget to lift with your legs.
Connor McDavid: I know how to lift, jackass. I've been carrying this team the entire time.
Mark Messier: You think I'm bald? Well I'm not!
Jaroslav Pouzar: Then that's one hell of a parting you've got there.
Leon Draisaitl: I’m inclined to agree with Connor.
Cam Talbot: I'll try to contain my amazement.
Darnell Nurse: What makes you laugh, Looch?
Milan Lucic: I saw a lady walking down the street with a pram and the baby fell out.
Ryan Smyth: I tried to talk to Pronger and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail.
Wayne Gretzky: Who knows you better than I do? We finish each other’s senten…
Jari Kurri:
Wayne Gretzky: …ces.
Connor McDavid: From this point on, I'll play every game perfectly. Perfecter than perfectly.
Leon Draisaitl: It's more perfect. You said that imperfectly.
Connor McDavid: I was testing you. You did perfectly.
Mark Messier: Ah, Tikka, good. I need one minute of your time.
Esa Tikkanen: I’ll give you two because you scare me.