Alexander Ovechkin: I think I’m invincible. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I don’t think I can die.
Brad Marchand: My friends, as always, give me their full support.
The Bruins: You’re doing everything wrong!
(At a dive bar.)
Auston Matthews: Look, I know you’re disappointed, but can we at least have one drink?
Mitch Marner: (Wearing flippers, a wetsuit and a snorkel) I’d like to leave please.
Carl Hagelin: I saw the dumbest elevator today. It had a button for the floor I was already on.
Phil Kessel: I…
Nick Bonino: Let him figure it out.
Brad Marchand: I thought that Schwartz was by himself, so I went for a change, and a couple more guys jumped on the play.
Alex Pietrangelo: This is so sad. Alexa, play “Gloria.”
(When Paul Kariya retired.)
Keith Tkachuk: So, I'll never see you again?
Paul Kariya: Hopefully.
Jonathan Bernier: One minute it's just a blob in some lady's stomach, the next minute it's a person. Blob... Person.
Jimmy Howard: The miracle of birth, summed up in one poetic phrase.
Mats Sundin: Just tell me what happened.
Peter Forsberg: Alright, but you have to promise to not get mad.
Mats Sundin: What happened?
Peter Forsberg: Okay, I was just minding my own business when-
Mats Sundin: BULLSHIT!
Peter Forsberg: I WAS!
Nate Schmidt: Chest bump me!
Ryan Reaves: You don't want to do this, man.
Nate Schmidt: No, I really do.
Ryan Reaves: It hurts you every time.
Nate Schmidt: No, I know, but I'm fired up. The adrenaline is gonna carry me through. Here we go!
(Schmidt and Reaves chest bump, and Schmidt is sent sprawling to the floor.)
James Neal: I remember that Matt was being a dick
Mark Giordano: Neal.
James Neal: I don’t like to use that word, Mark, but it’s so hard to describe Matt any other way because he’s just such a dick.
Johnny Gaudreau: I don’t think you’re a dick, Matt.
Connor McDavid: You read my diary?
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins: At first, I didn’t know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Brayden Schenn: Let me explain something. When you’re in a situation, you don’t have time to think. So I thought to myself, ‘Don’t think, Brayden. Act.’
Alex Pietrangelo: So, you weren’t thinking?
Brayden Schenn: Not at all. I cannot emphasise enough how little I was thinking.
Scott Hartnell: Did you know the moon landing was fake?
Ilya Bryzgalov: (Chuckling) You believe in the moon?
Zach Hyman: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
William Nylander: Forks are Stabby Grabbies.
Auston Matthews: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Connor Brown: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Nazem Kadri: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Morgan Rielly: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Mitch Marner: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
John Tavares: This team is a disappointment.
(After Lafleur took the Stanley Cup without telling anyone)
Guy Lafleur: Away I went, I was like a thief in the night!
Yvan Cournoyer: You were like a thief in the night?! You actually were a thief in the night!
Vincent Trocheck: What if ducks threw bread back at you?
Jonathan Huberdeau: You’d have to duck.
Aleksander Barkov: I hate you both.
Alex Delvecchio: You are a crazy, bitter old man with a hole where your heart should be.
Ted Lindsay: Is that supposed to hurt me? I have a mug that says that.