incorrectdevilquotes reblogged
Lucifer: She does the detecting, I do the insulting.
Chloe: Consulting.
Lucifer: That too.
incorrectdevilquotes reblogged
Lucifer *to anyone*: If I’m really as evil as you say I am, then have God strike me down where I stand.
*Lightning strikes Lucifer*
Lucifer: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!
Chloe *facepalms*
incorrectdevilquotes reblogged
Linda: Why is when something happens it's always you three?
Chloe, Lucifer, and Maze: ...
Chloe: Believe me, Linda. I've been asking myself the same question for six years.
Chloe: Did you do it?
Maze and Lucifer: Something goes wrong, you blame me! After all these years, where's the trust?!
Chloe: ...
Maze and Luifer: ...Yeah, we did it.
Lucifer: I've made riskier decisions.
Linda: Don't sound proud about it!
Lucifer: I can take the pain.
Chloe: You can’t talk to Marcus for more than ten minutes.
Lucifer: Well, there’s pain and there’s torture.
Pierce: Thanks for the lift.
Lucifer: I was trying to run you over.
*Looking at an embarrassing photo of Dan*
Dan: Why do you still have that?!
Lucifer: Because it brings me joy. You're supposed to keep the things that bring you joy you know.
Chloe, on a call with Lucifer: Lucifer, are you in my house?
Lucifer: Please Detective. I have not snuck into your house for weeks. Which reminds me, you are all out of peanut butter.
Maze: I’m a moderate, peaceful, and godly woman, truth be told.
Ella: Just yesterday you threw a chair at Lucifer...
Maze: Yes, which was a moderate, peaceful, and godly compromise from the table I was initially planning on launching at that bastard.
Maze: We need a plan... How long can you hold your breath underwater?
Dan: I don't know.
Maze: Are you familiar with the term 'slam and cram'?
Dan: No, and I don't think I want to be.
Maze: How attached are you to your pinky?
Dan: Very, very attached, and before you ask another terrifyingly vague question, let me be clear; any plan that involves even one of those scenarios isn't going to work for me.
Maze, seeing Lucifer in the distance, running towards him: Lucifer! Lucifer!
Lucifer, running towards Maze: Maze!
Maze: Lucifer!
Lucifer: Maze!
Maze: Lucifer!
Lucifer: Maze!
Maze, starting to get angry running towards him: Lucifer!!!
Mouse: Maze??
Maze, angry: LUCIFER!!!
Lucifer, running opposite direction while Maze chasing him: Oh Sugar, Honey, Iced Tea!
Maze, babysitting Trixie: I promise I won't bite!
Maze, later: I actually did bite a kid once.
God: I'm sure everything you’ve been through made you stronger.
Lucifer: It absolutely did not. It did make me funnier though.
Ella: It feels like you're being a little harsh.
Maze: Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I'll turn it up.
Lucifer: I'm a responsible adult.
Chloe: [raises eyebrow]
Lucifer: I'm an adult.