Gotham subways: 5/10. Can blast emo music through your headphones. Train occasionally stalls. Other passengers too burned out to notice you.
Gotham U: 10/10. You're likely not the only one. School mascot hands out free tissues.
Batburger: 8/10. Semi-public depending on seating. Tears make the fries soggy. Line cooks are wrestling in the background.
Crime Alley: 0/10. People think you're drunk. You're a prime mugging target. Kids laugh at you.
Sewers: -2/10. Smells bad. 50% chance of Croc attack.
Iceberg Lounge: 3/10. Judgy rich snobs. Bathroom full of people doing coke. Drinks too expensive to drown yourself in.
Wayne Gala: 4/10. Also judgy rich people. Must dress formally. Can't stick your head in chocolate fountain. Dick Grayson will become your therapist whether you like it or not.
Have the Gooners had any direct or indirect encounters with any supervillains?
Interviewer: Tell me why you want to intern at LexCorp.
Booker: LexCorp? The ad said something else.
Interviewer: LexCorp is our parent company.
Booker: I see.
[later that day]
Booker: *finds an ad for criminals wanting an intern*
Booker: Well, it's either this or LexCorp.
Booker: *applies*
———————
Riddler: Behold, my ultimate puzzle!
Riddler: *clicks a remote*
Riddler: Why isn't the screen working?
Henchman: It's the new software update. I'm calling tech support.
Henchman: *calls*
Mac, on the other end: Best Buy Geek Squad, how may I assist you?
———————
[a year ago]
Gene's coworker: Hey Gene, can you do me a favor?
Gene: I would, but I'm totally swamped with this one guy's tax returns.
Gene's coworker: Which one?
Gene: Someone named Harvey Dent. There are so many discrepancies, it's like he's living two lives.
———————
Milo: *driving*
Milo: *sees a pedestrian*
Milo: *slams the brakes and honks*
Harley: Hey, I'm walkin' here!
———————
Otto: Morning, Basil. The usual wash?
Clayface: *nods*
Otto: Sounds good. I'll get your car clay-free in half an hour.
———————
[two years ago]
Cobblepot: Bartender, another drink!
Molly: Sir, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut you off.
Cobblepot: Who owns this lounge? Who's paying your salary?
Molly: Fine, what'll it be?
Cobblepot: Our finest red wine, of course.
Molly: Good choice.
Molly: *slips a sedative when he's not looking*
Molly: Here you go. Have a good night.
Cobblepot: What?
Molly: Nothing.
———————
[three years ago]
Talia: For this drill, I want to focus on distance. Team A, take the turrets. Team B, you're on the ground with arrows.
Kellin: *grabs a bow*
Talia: And... fire!
Kellin: *fires an arrow*
*arrow hits an oil lamp*
*lamp falls next to Ra's*
*cape catches fire*
———————
Blaise: *googles how to make his weed plants grow faster*
Blaise: *clicks on a video*
The video: Good afternoon, gardeners and plant lovers. I'm Dr. Pamela Isley and today I'll be showing you how to...
———————
[three years ago]
Scarecrow's assistant: Sir, one of your employees wants to see you.
Scarecrow: Send him in.
Rob: Dr. Crane, I'm Rob Steeler. I'm one of the people who intercepted that shipment containing the last ingredient you need for your new fear gas.
Scarecrow: And what do you need?
Rob: Can these other guys step out of the room? It's kind of personal.
Scarecrow: *waves them out*
Rob: *points a gun at Scarecrow*
Scarecrow: Somebody's feeling fearless.
Rob: Your new formula cost me the love of my life. I can see you reaching under your desk for some fear gas and I'm telling you right now, it won't work because the thing I'm most afraid of already came true.
Scarecrow: So you seek revenge.
Rob: Tempting, but no. I want an out—from you, your organization, and your operations. I don't want you or any of your big-shot Rogue connections to come anywhere near me or my family.
Scarecrow: And if I refuse?
Rob: *shoots the wall behind Scarecrow*
Scarecrow: Very well, have it your way. Best of luck finding any semblance of success. You and I both know you will live and die a common thief.
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