Stephanie: I'm like the Joker in the sense that I tell jokes sometimes.
Stephanie: I'm like the Riddler in the sense that I tell riddles sometimes.
Stephanie: I don't have much in common with the Penguin.
Dick, describing his happy place: I'm in a cabin, in the middle of nowhere. Inside it's just me and that stupid slimey clown, Joker, and I'm beating the hell out of him. I break a dining room table over his head. Then I rip off his arm and shove it where the sun don't shine. Then, I reach down his throat and shake his hand.
Bruce: Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and schedule you for a psych eval.
Jason: *wrestling something into a box*
Bruce: What are you doing?
Jason: Making the world a better place, starting with my eBay feedback page.
[later]
The Joker, heavily maimed, writing his review: Instead of office chair, package contained bobcat. Would not buy again.
Anonymous asked:
If they were transformers what vehicle would they be
Dick: a clown car
Jason: a freight train
Tim: the Batmobile he embezzled
Damian: a horse-drawn carriage
Duke: a Mars rover
Cullen: a go-kart
Stephanie: a speedboat
Cassandra: a UFO
Barbara: a submarine
Harper: an 18-wheeler
Carrie: an ice cream truck
Kate: a bulldozer
Helena: a helicopter
Luke: a fighter jet
Bette: an ATV
Alfred: a coach bus
Selina: a limousine
Bruce: a suburban dad van
BONUS – the Joker: a Tesla cybertruck
#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#duke thomas#cullen row#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#barbara gordon#harper row#carrie kelley#kate kane#helena bertinelli#luke fox#bette kane#alfred pennyworth#selina kyle#bruce wayne#joker#batman#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batbros#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#dc comics#headcanon
If I was the Joker and my movie tanked harder than Morbius I'd straight-up leave Gotham
This absolutely isn't grounded in any canon but I like to imagine the Joker's first encounter with Dick something along the lines of:
Joker: You're all out of luck, Batman.
Bruce: *lifts his cape, unleashing Robin*
Dick: You killed my brother.
Joker: I've killed very many brothers. You'll have to be more specific.
Dick, to the Joker: Hello. My name is Richard Grayson. You killed my brother. Prepare to die.
Joker auditions for Insane Clown Posse and gets rejected for too much insane and not enough clown
incorrectbatfam reblogged
The first rule of driving the Batmobile is to have fun and be yourself
Anonymous asked:
hot take: non-vigilante Cullen is actually the disaster chaos child and Bruce will never have normal, well-behaved children ever
The vigilante kids can give Bruce a heart attack eight ways in eight minutes but Cullen has the unique ability to permanently alter the fiber of Bruce's purpose as a man by showing him a 2013 DeviantArt anime-style omegaverse vampire Joker wider than he is tall with tits to match drawn in the margins of someone's physics textbook next to the cuntiest portrait of Sir Isaac Newton to visualize the second law of motion
Anonymous asked:
I feel like Bruce is really, really thankful for Cullen sometimes. Finally, one kid who looked at vigilantism and said “screw that noise.“ Bruce doesn’t have to worry about Cullen fighting clowns in his underwear or trying to run Gotham’s entire crime scene or jumping off buildings by the power of Cape or threatening people with swords. This one is normal and Bruce will never see him on the eight o’ clock news cussing out the Riddler.
Bruce: I just want to say, Cullen, although I love the rest of my kids equally, it's a relief knowing you would never get yourself in trouble with this messy vigilante business.
Cullen, climbing out the window to see his Royal Flush gang member boyfriend while wearing a jacket Midnighter gave him: Yeah, for sure.
Not to victim blame but maybe Duke should've taken up Bruce's summer training
Anonymous asked:
Weirdest thing the batfam saw Bruce have in his belt that worked against a rogue
Joker: All out of weapons already, batsy? We didn't even get to the fun part.
Bruce: That's what you think.
Bruce: *pulls a nickel out of his belt*
Bruce: *walks to the batarang vending machine*
Bruce: *inserts the nickel and picks a batarang*
*batarang gets stuck*
Bruce, hitting the machine: Stupid thing always eats my money.
Joker:
The batkids:
Joker: Does this happen a lot?
Dick: The smoke pellet machine on Main Street is worse.
Bruce: *reaches into the slot and gets his arm stuck*
Bruce: Someone help me.
Damian: *sighs and pulls Bruce's arm out*
Bruce: Thanks, kiddo.
Bruce: *kisses the top of Damian's head*
Bruce: *turns around and stabs Joker with the batarang*
The batkids:
Duke: I just wanna know how he's getting it at 1940s prices.
#bruce wayne#batman#dick grayson#nightwing#damian wayne#robin#duke thomas#signal#joker#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batbros#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect dc quotes#gotham rogues#dc villains#dc comics#headcanon#crack#batposting#shitpost#tw violence mention
Gotham minimum wage is like 5x the national average to discourage people from getting PhDs