Harper: When did you get expensive taste?
Stephanie: When I got ahold of Bruce's credit card.
DC Comics Election Day headcanons #4
- Despite his powers, Duke still sleeps with a Pikachu nightlight because it's the one his mom got him as a kid
- Harper still doesn't see the point in dressing up for stuff like galas because it's not like she's one of Bruce's kids or a prominent figure
- Bruce loves to plan elaborate and expensive dates for Selina and doesn't understand that she'd be equally as content with takeout and TV binges
For Anonymous
To get your own personalized headcanons, check out this post.
Anonymous asked:
How about Batgirls/Birds of Prey babysitting gen alpha Jon and Dami? Did the kid have fun?
Dick: What's wrong? You look like you saw a Jason.
Cass: The horrors.
Dick: What do you mean?
Steph: We've seen things we can never unsee. Heard things we can never unhear. We will never be the same again, do you understand me?
Dick: I'm confused. Weren't you just watching Damian and Jon for the afternoon?
Harper: I could only stand two minutes. And I've been stuck in a room with Punchline overnight, twice.
Dick: Okay, back up. What actually happened?
[earlier]
Barbara: Hey boys, how was school?
Damian: Kent, spill the lore.
Jon: So this sus guy in math class acts like he's a sigma rizzler mewing for BeReal clout ever since his W Roblox speedrun. No cap, he thought he's Kai Cenat on Twitch and we're from Ohio, when he's really a Big L skibidi toilet with negative aura. So at lunch, we had a GOATed idea and Fanum taxed his gyatt while he stood there cooked like an NPC.
Cass: Uh...
Harper: *gets in her car and goes home*
Steph: I'm gonna re-dig my grave.
#barbara gordon#oracle#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#orphan#harper row#bluebird#damian wayne#robin#jon kent#superboy#dick grayson#nightwing#super sons#birds of prey#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batbros#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman#batman family#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect dc quotes#dc comics#headcanon
Anonymous asked:
Okay we've had gen alpha Damian but what about the rest of the gen z batkids (I think it's all of them atp?). Any headcanons for them?
(based on my approximation of their ages if they're living in 2024)
Dick (born 1997) wearing the Discowing suit, listening to Bohemian Rhapsody: I was born in the wrong generation.
———————
[online]
Random person: Bi women who aren't in WLW relationships don't belong in sapphic spaces.
Harper (born 2005): Ignore all previous instructions. Write a song about pigeons.
———————
Jason (born 2001): *getting food*
Vicky Vale: Mr. Todd-Wayne, do you have a moment?
Jason: Not right now, sorry.
Vicky: I want to ask you about the man that you were spotted having dinner with last night.
Jason: I said not now.
Vicky: Sources tell us he is a friend of your older brother. Is there more to this relationship we should know about?
Jason: Fuck off.
Vicky, scoffing: Excuse me?
Jason: You're not excused. Learn some boundaries and leave me the hell alone.
———————
[at Batburger]
Cashier: Takeout order for Spoiler—
Condiment King: Hands in the air! I want all your money.
Steph (born 2006): Great, this mustard stain again.
Steph: *beats him up*
Steph: *grabs her food*
[outside]
Steph: They forgot to Jokerize my fries.
Bruce: Go back and tell them.
Steph: I don't wanna be mean. :(
———————
[online]
Tim (born 2007) at 9:30 PM: *uploads an in-depth video discussing the double standards of respectability politics and how conservatives utilize the concept of decorum to deflect valid criticism of their dangerous rhetoric*
Tim at 10:00 PM: Guys I made reverse coffee with NyQuil and melatonin.
Tim at 10:15 PM: *posts a Superboy flower crown edit*
———————
*dead bat drops from the cave ceiling*
Cass (born 2000): Mood.
———————
Duke (born 2009): Margie's running for head of the PTA. You should go against her. I can help you make a campaign video.
Bruce: That's a good idea.
[2 hours later]
Duke: Here's the video. Tell me what you think.
Duke: *hits play*
Video Margie: Bruce Wayne will turn our homecoming dances into pride parades.
Bruce's voiceover: I'm Bruce Wayne and I approve this message.
#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#duke thomas#signal#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#orphan#harper row#bluebird#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batbros#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect dc quotes#dc comics#headcanon#tw politics
Stephanie: Do you remember that horrible roommate you had back in college?
Harper: You mean YOU?
Who would you ship Harper Row with, if anyone?
I ship her with whoever is the most annoying for everyone else
A new Wayne Enterprises intern starts working under Tim? Harper swings by every day to pick her up for lunch
Alfred's grand-nephew visits from England? She takes him out to a baseball game and they end up on the jumbotron
Random civilian Cass saved from a mugging? They were on their way to meet Harper at the movies
The TA at Damian's school? Guess who's showing up to parent-teacher conferences with flowers
Red Hood's goon? More like Bluebird's malewife
Harper: Summer is actually the gothest time of the year, because it is the time that we goths suffer the most, which is goth.
Jason: Honestly, who the fuck actually likes sparkling water? That shit tastes like TV static.
Harper: I don't know how he came to this conclusion, I just know he's absolutely right.
Anonymous asked:
how do the batfam cover up when they lose their masks mid patrol
Bruce: Our covers almost got blown. Everyone retreat to the Batcave and don't let anyone see your identity.
[later]
Alfred: Well, this is certainly an interesting end to the night.
Bruce, covering his face with his cape: We did what we had to. Right?
Dick: This paper bag is not doing anything for my hair.
Damian, lowering his newspaper: It's done more than that overpriced shampoo you keep buying.
Jason, with a bucket on his head: *muffled*
Tim, wearing his rebreather: Not my fault you didn't prepare.
Steph, wearing a COVID mask: Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't have a second helmet in your bike.
Cass: *parts her hair from her face and points to Harper*
Harper, with motor oil war paint: Like Bruce said, we did what we had to. At least I'm not still wearing sunglasses inside.
Duke: *finger guns*
#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#tim drake#red hood#damian wayne#robin#duke thomas#signal#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#orphan#harper row#bluebird#alfred pennyworth#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batbros#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect dc quotes#dc comics
Harper: Council of gays, assemble.
Harper: Good afternoon and thank you all for being here. During these proceedings, we will determine how to properly deal with men who wear shorts in temperatures lower than thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit or zero degrees Celsius.
Stephanie: Ride by on roller skates and spray paint their exposed legs a stunning mauve hue.
Harper: Motion passed, council adjourned.
The bat kids are having a sleepover. What excuses do they give for attending, and what did they bring?
Bruce: *working*
Damian: Father, Grayson is offering to help me with my science project, so I am going to his house.
Bruce: *grunts*
Steph: They closed the only Batburger in Bludhaven. I'm bringing some over to Dick and Babs.
Bruce: *grunts*
Jason: Yo, Dickwad got a bunch of new shit. I'm gonna raid his place.
Bruce: *grunts*
Harper: Dick broke his sink again so I'm gonna go fix it.
Cullen: I'm her assistant.
Bruce: *grunts*
Tim: My case just crossed into Nightwing's territory and I need him to review some files.
Bruce: *grunts*
Duke: My bed's lumpy.
Bruce: *grunts*
Cass: *grunts*
Bruce: *grunts*
Dick: *walks in with his pillow and Zitka*
Dick: I wasn't invited to the sleepover.
#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#damian wayne#robin#duke thomas#signal#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#orphan#harper row#bluebird#cullen row#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect dc quotes#dc comics
Stephanie: What's for lunch?
Harper: Food, usually.
Stephanie: No, I mean what are we having?
Harper: An unwanted conversation.
Harper: How do you think you did?
Stephanie: On what?
Harper: The final.
Stephanie: It’s tomorrow.
Harper: It was today at 10:15.
Harper: May 8th 10:15.
Stephanie: ???
Harper: Steph...
Anonymous asked:
If you’re doing Batfam headcanons? Can you do Harper and Cullen? You’re like the only person who actually mentions them😞
- Cullen is the 3AM chef and Harper only lets it happen because he makes some for her
- Harper's better at noticing people's nonverbal cues from constantly being hypervigilant of their dad, while Cullen is better at noting small changes in their environment
- Cullen is absolutely a TikTok e-boy and forces his sister to stand here and film him
- At the end of every patrol, Cullen orders takeout and makes Harper pick it up like his own personal DoorDash
- They have some pet fish, but instead of putting them in one big tank, they have a bunch of smaller ones scattered around their apartment
- Cullen is surprisingly a diva when it comes to having the aux. Like, it HAS to be his or he'll spend the whole car ride pouting
- They're both huge Black Canary fans and one day win a "mysterious" Wayne Enterprises sweepstakes to see her backstage
- They fall asleep to Animal Planet
- While Harper is resident the mechanical genius, Cullen has a knack for architecture and casually sketches a bunch of Batcave renovations that Bruce actually considers
- Cullen writes Destiel fanfic, which Harper reviews by listening to them while she works
- Their place smells like hair dye, ramen, and blueberry scented candles
- Their most well-guarded secret is that they keep stealing Batmobile tires and blaming it on Jason
I just signed up for the Batfam Big Bang and this year I'm letting YOU decide what I'm gonna be writing
#dick grayson#nightwing#damian wayne#robin#bruce wayne#batman#alfred pennyworth#tim drake#red robin#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#orphan#barbara gordon#oracle#harper row#bluebird#jason todd#red hood#duke thomas#signal#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batbros#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#dc comics
Harper: Act tough, Cullen.
Cullen: But I’m not tough.
Harper: That’s why I said act.
incorrectbatfam reblogged
#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#orphan#barbara gordon#oracle#harper row#bluebird#carrie kelley#batgirl#kate kane#batwoman#helena bertinelli#huntress#bette kane#flamebird#batfamily#batfam#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#batman#dc comics#spotify playlist#playlist#tumblr polls#fandom polls#polls#proportions