Duke: I accidentally ate Steph's food. How long do you think I have left?
Cassandra: Ten.
Duke: Ten?
Cassandra: Nine.
Anonymous asked:
dick's reaction to kory proposing barbara and stealing her away?
Wdym steal her away? He helped her plan it
Jason: The security at the Watchtower is a joke. Last year I came in with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at Bruce's desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at sixty pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
❌ Window
❌ Skylight
❌ Front door
✅ Floorboards
Anonymous asked:
Hi! You seem like a good person to ask. I'm working on a fic and I heard that Americans in the North are meaner than the South? Is it true? How do I write it?
From a New England perspective:
We're not mean, we have a different standard of courtesy. And this is also an urban vs. rural divide along with North vs. South.
Life in the South moves at a more lax pace. Of course it varies individually and you have big cities like Atlanta or Dallas, but in general, there's more space for towns and populations to spread out. For a number of people, the only interaction they might get all day is when they drive to the bank or grocery store, where the employees are probably also their friends and neighbors. Over there, curtness is rude and uncaring. (I also noticed this in rural areas in the North, like Montana.) In a fic, the grocery store in Smallville might only get 10 customers per day, so the owner will come out and ramble on about all the freak tornadoes they've been getting. Because outward politeness is the norm, people are also more passive-aggressive in order to avoid rocking the boat—we've all heard the "bless your heart" coming from a suburban evangelical.
Up North, especially in the mid-Atlantic and New England states, it's the opposite. We have a ton of people packed into a smaller geographical area and our cities are closer to each other (a lot of people live in New Jersey and work in New York). Life moves faster, so our directness and tendency to keep to ourselves is our way of saying, "I care about you and I know your time/energy is valuable, so I'm not gonna waste it." You'll see it in cities like Chicago too. It's rude to start a conversation with the barista when there are 20 people waiting in line behind you. So if you're writing a story set in Gotham, it's perfectly acceptable for the Batburger cashier to be like "What do you want?" In that same vein, we don't beat around the bush when we're upset. If you're being an ass, I will tell you to fuck right off.
Dick: What kind of rock is a really good friend?
Dick: An oPAL.
Damian: Rocks will be your only friend if you make that joke again.
Julia and Bruce have the potential to have an interesting sibling-like relationship. What are some hcs with the two?
We can't easily slot Julia into the batfam as a pseudo-sibling or cousin-like figure to Bruce. Alfred left her to take care of a rich family and raise another child overseas. She canonically resents Alfred for leaving and the Waynes for keeping her father away, even if they do end up allying together later on. She had a whole life and successful career in England without any of them and it feels wrong to shoehorn her into this fluffy fanon family dynamic without talking about what she went through.
So some headcanons I have:
- Julia still operates out of England. Bruce offered her a key to the Manor and a role among the batfam, which she promptly handed back to him
- She's long overdue for some catharsis, which she finds in her secret agent training
- If she finds anything on her end, like a threat or any important intel, she forwards it to the Watchtower for the whole Justice League instead of just the batfam
- Julia is also long overdue for a conversation with Alfred, so when she has a layover in Gotham, he takes the evening and meets her at coffee shop away from the others
- They leave that first meeting at least agreeing to call each other instead of just the annual birthday and holiday cards
- She also sends postcards from wherever her assignments take her, always addressing it to one of the pets
- One time someone asked if she and Bruce were siblings and she said "Ew fuck no" in the most passive-aggressive British way possible
- Bruce isn't offended. He's seen what siblings are like through his kids and is perfectly content being an only child
- Her unpopular opinion that would get her exiled from Britain is that Cadbury chocolate isn't that good
- Bruce (as Batman) unknowingly crossed paths with Julia in Washington D.C. but he didn't notice her because she was wearing the same stuff as everyone else instead of traipsing around in a weapon-loaded fursuit
- They also unknowingly crossed paths in college when they were studying abroad at the same time and he asked to borrow her syllabus because he forgot his
- She has commitment issues. She can't stay in one place or with one person for very long because she's afraid of making the same mistakes as her mother
- Julia asks people to be honest from the get-go. She'll tell people to cut to the chase and tell her what they want from her
- Her comfort snack is Alfred's cookie recipe paired with her mom's homemade ice cream. Bruce's is Alfred's cookies with Selina's homemade espresso
- Coincidentally, both she and Bruce get seasick, and both are good at hiding it
- Julia doesn't like to be referred to as an "aunt." The kids call her anything from Jules to Penny-Two to Her Royal Highness
Barbara: I don’t wanna get involved in the drama, I just wanna know a hundred and three percent of the information on what happened.
Duke: We're lost.
Stephanie: Lost? As in "where the hell are we?"
Duke: We're not totally lost. We're still in the Narrows.
Stephanie: You said this was a shortcut.
Duke: It is a shortcut. Look how fast we got lost!
Alfred: No one can ever truly turn over a new leaf. Sure, Master Bruce told me he'd matured after he took control of Wayne Enterprises. But then, right on schedule, it was, "Guess what, Alfred? I'm going to be Batman."
Duke: I love these new WayneTech phones.
Jason: Take one.
Duke: What?
Jason: Take it home. I do it all the time. They have plenty, trust me.
Bruce, entering: Plenty of what?
Jason: Plenty of fish sticks in the cafeteria. He was asking if they're out.
Bruce: If they're all out, I'll tell you they're all out, alright?
Bruce: *leaves*
Duke: Jason, I'm not gonna steal from the company.
Jason: If you came over to my safehouse, you'd see my whole setup is Wayne Enterprises stuff. The electronics, the furniture, the salt and pepper shakers.
Duke: Are you serious?
Jason: Steph, do you ever take stuff home from here?
Stephanie: I take the gala champagne glasses home. Give 'em away as gifts. It's a perk.
Jason: It's like a monthly bonus.
Duke: It's stealing! Tim wouldn't do it.
Tim: Do what?
Duke: Take Wayne Enterprises stuff home.
Tim: No, but I do keep a bunch of clean coffee mugs in the trunk of my car and I bring them in every day for Bruce to check and then I put them back so I don't have to wash the dishes in the break room.
Kon: Let’s take the teleportation pod!
Tim: The tele-what?
Kon: You know, you get into the silver pod, the doors close, and when they open again, you’re someplace else.
Tim: Kon, that’s the elevator.
Kon: Whatever. It’s very cool.
Bruce: At least Sisyphus only had one never-ending task. I adopted like seven and all of them cost money.
Barbara: I know we are just friends, but I see us as something... more.
Dick: Oh, I'm so glad you brought that up.
Dick: Sometimes I imagine us as dinosaurs. I thought I was the only one.
incorrectbatfam reblogged
Talia, ominously: You will come.
Jason: Will I need my toothbrush?
Talia: Silence!
Jason: I assume that means you'll be providing the toothbrush.