If Shark Tank existed in the DC universe
Jason: Good evening, sharks. My name is Jason Todd, but don't let the fact that my father is on the panel dissuade the rest of you from investing. I am here with my partner in more ways than one, Roy Harper.
Bruce: More ways in one? What—
Jason: Have you ever hung out with your family and thought to yourself, "Damn, we have a really bad habit of dying. What can we do?" Well, look no further, because our product will revolutionize the entire concept of parenting. We call it Responsibility™.
Roy: *walks out holding Lian*
Jason: As my partner is modeling for you, Responsibility will not only keep your child alive, but it will also ensure that your child grows up to be a well-adjusted member of society.
Jason: Our child safety technology combines your classic Adult Supervision with our state-of-the-art Age-Appropriate Activity instincts. Allow us to demonstrate.
Jason: Roy, is patrolling the city at night in spandex an appropriate activity for an eight-year-old? Without Responsibility™, you might say something like...
Roy: Of course! And while we're at it, let's get this small child a lethal weapon.
Jason: But when you use Responsibility™, you get this.
Roy: Absolutely not. That is reckless endangerment. Let's watch a movie instead.
Ollie, to Bruce: He's taking a dig at you.
Kate: So what do you want from us?
Jason: We propose a $100,000 investment to jumpstart our manufacturing facility. We have a vision of every single family having Responsibility™ by the end of this decade. In return, we will give you a 10% share of the company.
Ollie: Have you patented this?
Roy: We have the main Responsibility™ product patented as of last year and our Dad Reflex™ add-on is currently pending.
Ted: As you might know, kids take a lot of risks, especially in their teenage years. I know as a mentor to a teenager myself. How do you account for this?
Jason: Excellent question. Responsibility™ is a versatile product that evolves with time. For older kids, you receive the additional Conversation™ feature that aids in communicating expectations at a higher level.
Roy: While nothing is guaranteed in life, Responsibility™ is the best safeguard on the market.
Kate, taking notes: And what's your current customer acquisition cost?
Jason: We don't have an exact figure, but right now it's around fifty cents.
Kate: And your profit margin?
Jason: We sell Responsibility™ for ten dollars each and our profit margin is seven dollars.
Bruce: This is too conceptual for Wayne Enterprises. I'm out.
Jason: It's alright, we figured this product wasn't for you.
Ollie: Queen Industries is out too. We don't see it worth the investment.
Roy: Understandable. You have a track record to maintain.
Ted: I see the growth potential in this product. I'm going to offer you $100,000 for research and development at Kord Industries in exchange for 25% equity.
Kate: I'll do you one better. $150,000 for 30% equity and an office at Kane Industries.
Ollie: You guys can't be serious.
Ted: You're missing out. I know revolutionary technology when I see it. I'll raise you $180,000 plus Hollywood product placements.
Kate: $200,000 for 20% equity, an entire floor of Kane Tower, and a Super Bowl ad.
Jason: Sold to the childless lesbian! Looks like we have a deal.
Roy, handing her a bag: Here, take a free one as a token of our appreciation.
Kate, looking at Bruce: Thank you! I know just the person to give this to.
