Emma, on the phone: Ruby, you need to come over and pick me up.
Ruby: What? Why?
Emma: Regina is passive aggressively washing the dishes she asked me to do 6 hours ago.
Emma: This house isn’t safe anymore.
Regina, sighing exasperated: What am I going to do with you?
Emma: Ideally? Fuck me at some point.
Snow: You ever look at two people and wonder why they haven’t kissed yet?
Henry: Every day.
Emma and Regina: Why are you looking at us?
Regina: Hey Emma can you help me with this zipper?
Emma: Sure thing
Regina:
Regina: Up, Emma
Emma: Right of course
Emma: My kink is doing stupid shit and watching Regina speed run the five stages of grief as she realises she still wants to fuck me
Emma: *Laying face down on the floor*
Snow: So Regina said she liked you?
Emma, muffled: Yeah
Snow: ...and you asked her to marry you?
Emma: Yeah
David: Oh shit. How did she react?
Emma: Dunno, I ran before I could scare her even more
*Meanwhile*
Regina, striding into the Manor: Henry! Holy shit I'm gonna get married!
Ruby: So… you and Regina are a thing?
Emma: No, Ruby. What idiot gets into a romantic relationship with the adoptive mother of their son?
Ruby:
Emma: Sex is one thing but dating? Absolutely idiotic, not even remotely intelligent
Ruby: … I’m going to fuck her now
Emma: Don’t you FUCKING DARE-
Hook: You tricked me
Regina: I deceived you, “trick” makes it sounds like we have a friendly relationship
Henry: What are the hardest things to say?
Snow: I was wrong.
Regina: I need help.
Emma: Worcestershire sauce.
Evil Queen: I take no pleasure in this
Emma: You’ve got me pinned to a wall and a knife to my throat, I think there is some pleasure in this for both of us
Grumpy: Welcome to the 'fuck Mayor Mills' support group, Where we all get together twice a week to say, once and for all, fuck that pig ass woman
Emma: Well… I may have misunderstood the agenda of this meeting
Ruby: Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t have feelings for Regina.
Emma, staring lovingly at Regina from across the room: I don’t have feelings for Regina.
Ruby: Your eyes are nowhere near mine.
Emma: Where are you going?
Regina: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one!
Emma: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday!
Henry, knowing full well that Emma got Regina an engagement ring: *eating popcorn*
Emma: [looking at Regina] I'm not gay but DAMN
Snow: You don't have to be gay to appreciate a good-looking woman
Emma: Nah, I'd fuck her
Snow: Oh okay shit
Emma: Hey pretty woman. What's your name?
Regina: Honey, are you that drunk?
Emma: *whispers* Don't call me 'honey'. Regina's gonna be mad.
Regina: I'm Regina, your wife.
Emma: Prove it. Show me your boobs!
Regina: Do you like my top?
Mal, staring at Emma: She's alright.
Regina and Emma: *chokes*
Ruby: Sooo, did you kiss Regina?
Emma: No, the moment wasn’t right. look, this woman could actually be my future wife. I want our first kiss to be amazing.
Ruby: Awe, that’s so sweet. So you chickened out like a little bitch?