Kukaku: Stop right there. Bad luck is not brought on by silly superstitions like chain letters.
Urahara: You're right. They're brought on by black cats.
Yoruichi, in her cat form: That is a hateful stereotype.
Yoruichi: About a month ago, Kisuke and I slept together.
Kukaku: And?
Yoruichi: I thought you'd be more surprised.
Kukaku: Oh, sorry.
Kukaku, gasping: And?
Don't ask me for advice, I advocate breakups and crime.
Kukaku Shiba
It's been an awful, terrible, no-good week. But listening to Kaien convince Ganju last night that J.R.R. Tolkien's real names was 'Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien' was absolutely priceless.
Kukaku Shiba
Ganju can't feel anything. He's numb from the brain down.
Kukaku Shiba
I would do anything for you guys, except for running, jogging, or climbing stairs.
Kukaku Shiba, to her brothers
Yoruichi: Your brothers are screaming and shouting outside, don't you think you should do something?
Kukaku: You're right, I should.
Kukaku: [ closes the window ]
Kukaku, walking outside: Get the F out my yard!
Ganju: [ running away with a giant letter F ]
Ganju: You guys don't know about my knife stick. It's a knife glued to a stick and it's the ultimate weapon.
Kukaku: Spear.
Ganju: Blocked.
Yoruichi: What's the first thing you do in the morning?
Kukaku: I usually get up, put on my clothes, and go home.
Ganju: What if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?
Kukaku: How high are you?
Ganju: Yes.
Kukaku: Ganju, can you do something for me?
Ganju: You are my sister, my best friend. I would literally cover up a murder for you, plant my DNA at the scene, and take the blame for the crime.
Kukaku: Great. Can you do the dishes for me?
Ganju: No.
Ganju: Let's do what one shepherd said to the other shepherd.
Kukaku: What?
Ganju: Let's get the flock outta here.
Ganju: I'm getting a brain scan today.
Kukaku: To check if you have one?
Ganju: Thank you so much for your concern and support.
Kukaku: That febreeze smells like fireball.
Kaien: Yeah, I think non-alcoholics call that cinnamon.
Ganju: What makes you so sure?
Kukaku: Because I'm the oldest, which means I'm always right.
Ganju: No, it doesn't.
Kukaku: It totally does.
Ichigo: Why are you helping me so much?
Kukaku: Because my life is a mess right now and I compulsively take care of other people when I don't know how to take care of myself.