Kenpachi, to Yachiru: Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" you're our first contestant.
Yachiru: Kenny, I never ask you for anything! When did I ever ask you for anything?
Kenpachi: Yesterday. You said..
Kenpachi, imitating Yachiru: "Kenny please take me to see Chips & Ice-Cream: The Musical! It's a Broadway smash!"
Ichigo: Fuck you Kenpachi!
Kenpachi: Fuck me yourself, you magnificent bastard.
Unohana: Hit the lights.
Kenpachi: Are you sure?
Unohana: Yes.
Kenpachi: Alright then! *Punches the light switch so hard it breaks*
Unohana:
Yachiru: Fight me!
Kenpachi, standing behind her with his arms crossed, mouths: Do not.
Yamamoto: Central 46 has given Captain Zaraki two strikes. They are very, very upset with him. So as a disciplinary measure, he is going to have to issue a formal apology. Zaraki, have you prepared your statement of regret?
Kenpachi: I have.
Yamamoto: Let's hear it.
Kenpachi: [ unfolds a piece of paper and reads from it ]
Kenpachi: I state my regret.
Soifon: You couldn't have memorized that?
Kenpachi: I could not because I do not feel that.
Unohana: I thought you were dead.
Kenpachi: I get that a lot.
Kenpachi: The right amount of carrot juice is, how much?
Yachiru: Five inches.
Kenpachi: Five inches of carrot juice.
Kenpachi: And then how much of the tomato sauce are we putting in?
Yachiru: So many.
Kenpachi: So many, of the tomato sauce.
Kenpachi: And then for jam?
Yachiru: Ten.
Kenpachi: Ten.
Yachiru: I wanted a snack, but I didn't know what to eat.
Yumichika: Okay.
Yachiru: So I ate everything.
Kenpachi: She's a problem solver.
I'm the most feared shinigami in the fucking world. So I ask you this, hollow: Do you feel fucking lucky?
Kenpachi Zaraki
Kenpachi: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
Yachiru: ...
Kenpachi: ...
Yachiru: ...
Kenpachi: ...
Yachiru: I don't have any other feet..
Kenpachi: Fair enough.
I can fix him. I can chase him with a knife to humble him.
Retsu Unohana, about Kenpachi
The monster in me can only be checked by the monster in you.
Retsu Unohana, to Kenpachi Zaraki
Who do you work for?! Who's your contact?!
Kenpachi Zaraki, repeatedly pushing a glass underwater while doing dishes
Komamura: Come on, let's hug it out!
Kenpachi: I would rather fall in love with a vegan.
Kyoraku: Did you two sleep together?
Unohana: No.
Kenpachi: No.
Kyoraku: Double negative, that's a yes.
Kenpachi: I love you tons.
Yachiru: I love you three thousand.
Kenpachi: Wow. Three thousand. That's crazy.