State of the Blog (OOC)

Hey, everyone.

So...

Okay,  I’ve just had my big doctor appointment yesterday; got more follow-up tests at the end of the month (so hiatus on the pregnancy threads remain). Had some tense/stressful moments at the house with my brother, and two weeks ago, a family friend, someone I had known almost my entire life, passed away unexpectedly. And I’ll be honest, I haven’t been okay since.

In fact, still not okay.

But whatever.

So, I’m going to try and come back to writing.

I do have Discord for those who wish to chat or RP on there; hit me up. I’ve been working on an OC blog, a Star Wars RP blog, trying to work on a couple of writing projects, and...yeah.

I’m hoping everyone is okay. Please take care of yourselves.

[ooc]

Person: Hey, how are you?

Me:

Welp, I had something typed out, but I had to take care of a work task for my job, came back to the tab, and...Tumblr ate it...

I am so sorry for the unexpected hiatus. I’m trying. I’m trying my best here to function, to be a human. Still dealing with the shock/denial and anger stages of GRIEF. Trying to get better with eating, making sure I take my meds... Trying to get writing done.

Got a graphic I promised for @leschanceux; and first up for replies is gonna be @scinglives and @spinxeret.

Special thanks to @bennyboylewis; @koiwrites; @wetheresilientfew; @avengingspiderman; @agentjjkelly; @shieldagentnatasharomanoff​ and @sah1x1s​ for keeping tabs on me. Y’all rock. Thank you to everyone who has reached out. I am sorry I have not been better with replying to messages. Again, it is something I’m going to be working on.

So...that’s a wrap.

Oh! And these wonderful Poe Dameron and Marc Spector text posts are from my-secret-shame. These are not my creation. I just didn’t want to clog up their posts with my messy sobbing. There is a link to their blog so you can check out the really cool edits they make!

OOC: I’m sorry for not doing many replies. I’ve just... I’ve been in a funk. I’m trying to kick myself out of it.

It’s now 6:00 A.M. over here. I have to leave for work in 90 minutes. So...fuck it. I’m going to see what all I can load up into the queue.

Keep safe out there, space cowboys.

OOC: I’m sorry for the radio silence. I just... This past week and this week have been hell. I couldn’t sleep last night. I feel like death. I feel like a failure of a human. And I’m having issues at work--and by issues, I mean there are legit issues with my performance as an employee.

So, do not expect any writing tonight.

As soon as I can leave (I have to stay a half-hour late because I came in a half-hour late), I’m going to buy some coffee, because currently, our coffee maker is out of commission while we’re getting work done in our kitchen, and I cannot keep mooching from my parents. But after that, I’m coming right home, maybe gaming a little, then bed. Hopefully. I’m taking meds, because I cannot have another night like last night.

Take care out there, space cowboys. Don’t forget to love each other.

OOC: Yes, I be back finally! Sorry for the absence.

In addition to lower drive due to depression and visibility issues with my blog, I had a close family friend unexpectedly pass away, myself and my family caught the plague, and just dealing with that. 

But yeah, let’s just try to get back into the swing of things, okay? I’m sorry for the delay. I’m going to try and just write as much as I can. I love you all. Please keep safe. Love you. Yes, you. I love you. Now, go drink some water, take your meds, and get some sleep.

OOC: -screams into a pillow-

So, like... Five days later, and I’m flagged again? Like...what?!

I’m not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but it almost feels like I’m just being harassed by someone, and I cannot figure out who. But just...what the hell? Leave me alone! UGH!

I mean, yes, it can just be the algorithm, which...fine. Okay. But again, what the kriff? I’m barely even posting between flaggings. So it’s not where something ‘new’ has popped up on my blog. And there still continues to be no flagged posts by Tumblr.

It’s just killing me inside, and it’s frustrating me, because despite what it may look like, I have put a LOT of work both into this blog and into Amelia as a character. I shouldn’t have to move blogs; it’s very tedious, I don’t want to remake my side blogs, but I seriously don’t know what to do about it anymore!

Just emotionally been through a lot since last week. I need to post belated birthday things for my Steve’s (I apologize for the delay), and I need to work on my writing.

Thank you everyone for your patience and putting up with me whining.

OOC: So my blog got tagged as explicit... Great.

Just...great...

And considering this is the second time in two weeks this is happening, it is not helping the paranoia aspect of my anxiety. It makes it almost feel like someone is reporting rather than Tumblr just being stupid.

If it’s the latter, then great job, algothrim. Because you missed the 3 p0rn bots that tried to follow me that I had to block...

If it’s the former, just what the crap? If you don’t like me (and I get it, hell, most of the time, I don’t even like myself) or you don’t like my writing (again, I understand), then just...unfollow or block or what have you and leave me alone?

Because this really makes me not want to write on here. It really saps the motivation I had towards writing, which sucks because I was finally getting back into a writing groove.

I’ve had this blog for nearly 8 full years. EIGHT. I don’t want to delete this blog or move (not to mention all the sideblogs I’d have to move, too...) to a new blog! And it just... Like, what do I do? Do I keep posting? How long do I wait for the appeal? Just... ARGH! It sucks. It really, really, really sucks, and I just have been so stressed out and having my own self-doubts about my writing creeping in, and I just... WHY THE KRIFF WAS IT FLAGGED AND WHEN WILL IT GET REVERSED?!

So, yeah. I dunno. I guess let me know if you guys are okay with me still writing or should I wait till this sorts out (hopefully)?

[[OOC- Not a happy Ephi, feel free to skip]]

OOC: Some uncomfortable mentions of anxiety/stress disorders, depression, and harassment, so just...warning you.

OOC: Kind of...having a bit of a panic attack today.

Over cosplays.

I got a con next weekend; I’ve got 5 cosplays planned for 3 days. And just... Yeah. I’m panicking. I’m panicking over how I will look, how I just look in general, and...yeah.

Not good times.

OOC: Have you ever...like, you want to write, but your brain sucks. So you just want to sit and scream about ships all night and make graphics and playlists and delve into AUs?

OOC

Depression, Depression. Fuck off, go away, and never come back again.

The end.

State of the Blog [ooc]

OOC: Oh, boy. Okay, well, a goal I am setting for myself is to do these posts once a month, just to kind of keep everyone updated on what’s going on and to remind myself on what I wish to focus on. Feel free to skip, I will not be offended.

[ooc]

I’m really depressed it is already November.

October is my favorite month, and...it’s over.

I’m depressed I didn’t get to really do anything for my favorite month or my favorite holiday. I can’t even count on two hands the number of days I went home from work before seven in the evening...we’re not going to discuss the number of nights I came home at midnight or later. I barely managed to decorate my desk and the living room of my house. The only Halloween party I was invited to, I slept through and missed because I was so exhausted from working. I didn’t get to go trick-or-treating at work, I didn’t get to do my treat bags, I didn’t get to wear a costume... I didn’t get to go to the haunted house with my dad and brother, I barely even got any of my favorite Halloween treats or get to watch anything with my friends or Mom.

I went to one haunted trail with Harrison and Kelly, I went out to dinner dressed as Wanda for Angie’s bachelorette dinner, I went with my family to see scarecrows (it’s a big thing in a city near me, where they decorate the square with different scarecrows), and I went to my friend’s baby shower and purposely wore my Alice get-up. But...that’s it in terms of Halloween. And that’s really stretching it to include the baby shower and bachelorette dinner.

I even missed out on all the Halloween stuff on here, because I’ve been too fucking exhausted to do more than a couple of replies at a time...

And I’m typing this up at nearly 5 in the morning and have to go back to a job I dread...

Can I just have a do-over? I just want my Halloween. I just... Give me some bit of joy this fucking year, please.