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#suicide – @imrllyheccingtrying on Tumblr
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Blue Skies

@imrllyheccingtrying / imrllyheccingtrying.tumblr.com

A baby adult trying to recover from agoraphobia and co. ❤️ prns: they/them
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I am afraid I will keep falling, that I am chasing nothing, that I go through this pain, for nothing.

I am afraid that I am somehow different from those before me, that I cannot recover. That I was somehow not meant to be in this world, in this dimension even. Unfixable.

But they are just fears, just thoughts. My mind has tried to drag me down before.

Fears are not fact. Thoughts are not proof.

You must know this. Even though they hurt and they terrify you, they are not real. They do not reflect your destiny.

You are real. You were born. You are here. You can change. Thoughts can change. I’m afraid too, but I want to keep going. I hope you’ll keep going with me ❤️

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Out of all the millions and billions of combinations of stardust and atoms and chemicals that had to come together to make exactly who you are, you can’t say that your life doesn’t mean something. Out of all the infinite other possibilities, you came to be above any other. You can say anything you like as to why you want to end your life, but being worthless or pointless is not, and can never be, one of them.

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Hullo guys, it’s my 18th birthday today! It’s kind of a difficult/weird thing for me to swallow, because this was the ‘deadline’ I had set myself to complete suicide by. In other words, I hadn’t expected- and am still moderately overwhelmed by- to still be here, now I am ‘officially an adult’. But I want to put a positive spin on that. Because despite everything that’s happened, and how strongly I absolutely believed/still believe sometimes, that I will never get through this and I’m destined to die by suicide, I’m still here. It scares me, to think of the life ahead of me and how I am responsible for how it turns out, but it’s also kind of empowering as well. My problems may mostly be inside my head, but they still belong to me and I can try my best to fix them. From when I first starting suffering from mental health problems, to now, I have made progress. Some steps small, some steps big, but still progress. All those steps are significant. Thank you to everyone on here, and in my face-to-face life for sending such wonderful words of support and kindness. You are all lovely people, and although it may feel like the world is full of evil sometimes, it is people like you doing these acts of kindness that are helping to combat the hate and spread messages of peace and love. We may not be able to stop some people from spreading violence and hurt, but we can give out our own positivity, to tackle to cycle of hatred. Love to you all! Keep on fighting your own battles; one day we’ll all stand at the end of the worst and say we made it together 💛

P.S- Guess I have to change my blog bio now huh. Darn diddly doodle dang.

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Tomorrow!! You could meet the love of your life, win a competition you had forgotten you entered, run into an old friend you had lost touch with, discover an amazing new recipe for your favourite food, make a new-future-best-friend, find yourself on an amazing adventure, plan a holiday, get inspired to write a future-best-selling-book, and you’re prepared to throw away today, when all of this could be just around the corner? You keep thinking about the bad things that could happen, but what about the good? Life is worth it, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Stay.  

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