'It's not your doing, and it won't be your un-doing.'
-something my girlfriend said to me today about trauma
A hard lesson that I learnt this year, but it's also freed me at the same time ❤
The last few years have just disappeared, wow. It's my 21st birthday tomorrow and its been:
-4 years since I tried to take my life
-4 years since I lost someone important to me
-4 years since I got diagnosed
-4 years since I started recovery
-3 years since I got my drivers licence
-3 years since I finished school
-2 and a half years since I met the love of my life
I got so caught up with life and how fast it was moving that I forgot about this blog, but the positivity that I posted in the past has inspired me to start adding to this page again.
Since I last posted I found out that I most likely have ADHD and am on the Autistic spectrum- I have also discovered and embraced my gender identity and sexuality thanks to my wonderful partner coming out as a trans woman!
Just goes to show, nothing turns out as you expect. But I'm finishing my second year at uni next month, and it sort of hit me that I want to live. For the first time I'm not 'on the fence' about life; I'm genuinely happy. There are things in the past that still hurt me, I still suffer from my mental illnesses of course, and there are things I stress about and fear like everyone does, but I have so many blessings, many of which I have worked hard to get which gives me such a feeling of fulfillment. I want to keep posting to this blog, through future times, good and bad. I hope it can give some comfort to people who were in the same dark place I was only a few years ago.
Anyway, rambling! Take care everyone. Sending so much warmth to those who feel cold right now. ❤
Something I'm beginning to realise more and more as I do more adulting is that there very rarely is one 'right way' to doing things. Just because I might not do or solve things the way my parents do it doesnt make them wrong. I feel like sometimes, parents sort of impose their way of life onto you and if it doesnt fit with your nature it can make you feel like you're failing... but that isnt the case. You're just different people.
I think part of being an adolescent and or having a mental illness is just feeling out of place in the world, and always seeming to make mistakes and be in the wrong place. But hey, if we all feel like that, then it can't make us all that bad. Maybe we're just learning how to be.
Sounds weird, but: don't put so much pressure on yourself to have a good time all the time.
Especially in university, you always hear people saying that these are meant to be the best years of your life, that you'll never get a better opportunity to do things. But just hold up, relax, take a breather. Feel free to go at your own pace. Life's different for everyone. Just because someone's teens or twenties were super adventurous, doesnt mean your life has to follow the same pattern.
Especially valid for people in recovery; It's a huge accomplishment for me to even be in university- and although volunteering, working, going out is fun and are cool opportunities, those won't suddenly be cut off in later life just because you leave school. I need to take this time to do what's best for me. As I get better, I can open myself up to new things. There's no need to rush, just relax and try to enjoy life just how it is, in the small things.
I agree with the general sentiment behind the whole 'treat someone who is having a bad mental health day like they have the flu', but a reminder that unlike a physical illness, a mentally ill person more often than not benefits from engaging in activities, even if they find them more physically draining than usual. That's not to say you shouldn't be patient, respectful and attentive to their boundaries and limitations whilst ill, but- for me personally- it helps a LOT if someone says something like, 'let's go to the shops together' or 'let's go and take a short walk in the park'.
If you give people who are suffering mentally small, manageable goals (obviously for each person it will be different), and offer to do them together, you're offering time to socialise, a feeling of fulfillment, and encouraging them to engage with the world around them. This, in my opinion, is often more beneficial than just wrapping them up in a blanket and bringing them food. Not to say that a few days like that here and there are not okay, they can be refreshing if you're tired, but especially if they're having a longer episode, getting up and or out can actually help them recover faster. At the end of the day though, it is about communication. Do your best to help, but don't beat yourself up if you aren't an expert therapist, most people aren't!! Try asking the person if you really want to help but don't know how ❤
Maybe we are all mistakes, but just like the ones in great masterpieces, we make the world a better place than what it was going to be.
You couldn't have predicted what life would throw at you, so dont feel as if you've failed your kid self- you made the best out of what you could. If you're not happy with things, there's always opportunity for change ❤
If you're in a bad mood, and you manage to get something done, dont invalidate it just because you didnt do the other things that also needed doing. Something isn't nothing, and it's more than you were planning to do, so make sure to reward yourself 🌻
My recovery is absolute chaos.
Don’t expect to only have little blips or minor set backs whilst you’re trying to get better, because it’ll really get you down when things start to go sour. MAJOR mistakes and relapses SUCK but they’re OKAY.
It’s OKAY to feel depressed for no reason,
To have anxious weeks,
To want to return to unhelpful coping mechanisms or crave certain substances,
It doesn’t mean you’re ‘losing’ at recovery. What goes up must come down, but it’s also true the other way around. Often, the greatest progress can be made during a really bad patch.
I’m doing really bad with my anxiety at the moment, but I’m still pushing, because I believe that, yes, bad times signal good things are in the works. Improvement takes elbow grease, so naturally you’re going to stumble throughout the job.
It’s easy to feel like a nobody next to all those inspiring people out there, but just remember, each person that you’ve ever done anything for, is an entire world changed! 🌍
That’s how every one of those hot shot role models started out, after all.
Positive affirmations in rainbow cat form!! It took me a long time to learn this lesson- my purpose in life is NOT to be someone else’s doormat.
My birthday has rolled around again! I still remember when I made the post about getting to my 18th birthday and how surprised I was... so I think this speaks for itself. Thanks for all of your support so far, I hope we can keep recovering together throughout next year as well ❤️
There will be bad days, there will be good, but eventually you will get to a point in your life where the good days out number the bad. Stay strong. Holding onto the hope and courage to grow and change are what keeps life going ❤️
I went back to the beach for the first time since before I got really ill :)
I saw some places that had really bad memories attached to them, but mostly I was just relieved to be back. My world isn’t shrinking anymore, and I’m slowly taking it back and growing into the person I want to be.