Into the Pessimistic World

Beautiful~

would you collect rocks with me. be honest

I just watched a video last night of Louis saying life just keeps throwing shit at him and he can hardly enjoy a year without having to recover from something….

I also think what makes Liam’s death so hard is the realization that those little fan-girl days are truly over.

I would always look back on memories of being a young teen and having not a care in the world but one direction. I would miss the staying up late to watch interviews. I would miss making these fan edits and posting them to my fan account. I would miss the innocence of being a young girl in love with a boyband.

Of course as I grew up and became an adult, I have matured and in a sense “put those days behind me”. But I still had so much love and respect for One Direction and how much they meant to me growing up.

I guess I just always held onto this belief that One Direction wasn’t really over. Even when Zayn left. Even when they announced their hiatus. I knew that that boys loved their fans and they all needed time to find themselves and heal from their own experiences, good and bad. I knew it must have not been easy for them to be catapulted into the spotlight at such a young age. I just always had this belief that maybe they wouldn’t entirely regroup / start over again as One Direction … but that they would at least have reunion to show that they are still strong and they are still proud of the band.

But with Liam’s passing, the possibility of One Direction truly never having a proper reunion is a punch to the gut knowing that we will never witness them together again. Also, selfishly, knowing I will never be able to see them in concert like so many other lucky fans were. It feels like a part of my inner teen also died. Knowing she will never be able to experience the joys and love that came from one direction makes me so sad for her. Adult me, knowing I will never be able to re-experience One Direction is also grieving it. 

When did we all grow up?

From now on, every music video, every throwback photo, or even any future reunion will always look this sense of sadness. Knowing that we are missing one of our boys.

Let’s get one thing straight. If you are bashing Zayn and giving him shit or blaming Liam who’s not even here to defend himself for postponing shows and RESCHEDULING them because he is GRIEVING and has a FUNERAL to attend then you are NOT a real fan!! Get outta here with that shit. He has to take care of himself before he can do anything. His mental health is way more important than that tour is right now. Get over your entitled self.

something that always haunts me is that when the white supremacist who did a mass shooting at a black church in Charleston in 2015 was being interrogated he said that the people there were so kind and welcoming that he almost didn’t go through with it, but decided to anyway

it has never been about “not being nice enough” when it comes to violent bigotry, and saying that it all just stems from hurt feelings is putting blame on the victims for being murdered for simply not being born white and/or male

Thank you wild, difficult, angry fictional women, for being a reminder that we shouldn't be afraid to unapologetically unleash the rage in our veins against a system that wishes nothing more than to control and tame women

ali ismaili