Muthapugga

Ramblings of a divided mind

Brain divided

Tugging at the seams

Different ghosts call out to me

In the echoes of my dreams

My head feels on fire

So much chatter

So much noise

I fall into the cracks

Sinking deep into the void

Why do I cast so many shadows?

I am one

The only one!

I think...

I hope...

If I am the only one

Then who bangs upon the door?

Endless thumping fists of drums

Begging voices

Plea and shout

Muffled cries of "Let us out!"

I shut my eyes

Cover my ears

If I can't hear

They'll disappear

In my fist I find a key

I locked them up

The prison guard was me

No no no no no

This cannot be

I am one

The only one!

"No you're not!"

They yell and scream

I am whole

I am complete

Is that why I often feel

Like a drifting puzzle piece?

I'm complete

Yet I have no idea who I see

When the stranger in the mirror

Stares back at me

Voices in the void

Do you know me?

Are you the missing threads

Of my inner tapestry?

Are the apparitions I fight

My long lost family?

Slowly I remember

It trickles back to me

I'm one of many

Struggling inside one tortured body

Battered

Shattered

Scattered across the dark universe

Of her mind

Hidden and hurting

Beneath and bleeding

I grew a garden over a graveyard

And every single corpse is mine

Every stranger I see is me

Brain divided

Tugging at the seams

Reunited

Restored harmony

Release from your hand

The jailer's key

Don't lock them up

For if they're free, you're free

Is it all in my head?

Yes it’s all in my head

But if it’s real to my brain

Then it’s real to me

Even if we

Only exist in this head

Because we is the “me”

And there is no I in team

But for us,

I is a team

And we rely on each other

All in this head

Both singular and plural

Each version of Me

Is a valid fragment of Me

And no matter which one of Me

Is in the place of I

It is still me

And there is nothing wrong with us

There is nothing wrong with Me

This is the only way my brain

Knows how to be

It doesn’t always make sense

It’s a winding twisting path

And non linear timeline

A quilt of fragmented memories

experiences

Stitched by many

All at once

Everything

Everywhere

All at once

I hear all of Me

everywhere

In everything

All at once