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#did poetry – @immamotherpugger on Tumblr
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Muthapugga

@immamotherpugger / immamotherpugger.tumblr.com

Welcome :) Mara // she/they // 26 // Bi Chaotic smoothie of autism and adhd + did system figuring out life
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Final Fusion (a reflective poem)

So we became I

And I’m not sure how I feel 

It’s so quiet in my head 

Like I’m sitting at a table 

Full of my closest mates 

And now all the seats are empty 

And there’s only one dinner plate 

But as I walk down the hallways 

Of my mind 

I see bits and pieces of the fragments 

That weren’t really left behind 

I never lost we 

We just collided 

This whole time we were separated 

Dissected limbs of a body 

Trying to find their way back to whole 

And through healing our trauma 

We found our way back home 

We still exist 

In my joys and interests

Every aspect of my identity 

Is a collage of all the parts of Me 

When we shattered 

We forgot we were a team 

We lost the memory 

That we were once a Me

There’s only one voice in my head now 

But one voice doesn’t mean one color

For I is a rainbow 

Many together as one 

Healing didn’t disband the team 

Healing created harmony 

We no longer struggle for control 

We no longer battle for the wheel 

For we all work together 

In unison 

Connected limbs 

Of final fusion 

And I love and thank 

Every part of Me

They did their best 

To help this body survive 

Pain split us apart 

Yet we always had the same goal

To keep this soul alive 

A soul shattered 

Scattered 

Found its way back together 

An internal family reunion 

That can now last forever 

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Is it all in my head?

Yes it’s all in my head

But if it’s real to my brain

Then it’s real to me

Even if we

Only exist in this head

Because we is the “me”

And there is no I in team

But for us,

I is a team

And we rely on each other

All in this head

Both singular and plural

Each version of Me

Is a valid fragment of Me

And no matter which one of Me

Is in the place of I

It is still me

And there is nothing wrong with us

There is nothing wrong with Me

This is the only way my brain

Knows how to be

It doesn’t always make sense

It’s a winding twisting path

And non linear timeline

A quilt of fragmented memories

experiences

Stitched by many

All at once

Everything

Everywhere

All at once

I hear all of Me

everywhere

In everything

All at once

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