my friend just screamed at me “OH JESUS WHAT NOW” as i opened it’s door
i call my dog ‘beef’ bc she’s beefy anyway i accidentally activated siri
whenever i cook anything i pretend i have a cooking show
"fuck i'm so funny" ~ me after i say/type literally anything
i almost told my doctor that if i was pregnant i’d be the next virgin mary, but i stopped myself because i thought she may believe me as she’s religious