Claire crossed her legs on the couch in the living room, mindlessly leafing through a magazine. Watching - and listening - as her husband and daughter played on the carpet, Jamie sprawled on his elbows to be at eye level with Bree.
“Doh!” Brianna exclaimed, handing Jamie a square wooden block.
“Thanks,” he said sincerely, and piled it on top of the four other blocks she had already given him. “What’s next?”
Brianna’s tiny fingers grabbed for her rubber giraffe - a favorite, especially now that she was teething - and handed it over to Jamie.
“Hmm. Are we building a house for Giraffe?”
Already Brianna had grasped the next object - a board book of Goodnight Moon - and handed it to her father.
“Is this for us to read to Giraffe?”
He opened the book and began reading.
“In the great green room, there was a telephone.”
Bree scooted closer to Jamie, now clutching her favorite toy bunny, eyes intent on the book.
“And a red balloon. And a picture of - the cow jumping over the moon.”
She leaned against Jamie’s shoulder, spellbound.
Quietly Claire pulled out her phone to take a quick snapshot of the two red heads together.
“ And there were three little bears sitting on chairs. And two little kittens, and a pair of mittens.”
A siren floated through the open window, along with the September breeze.
Claire wished that time could stop.
“And a little toy house, and a young mouse. And a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush.”
Jamie wrapped a strong, steady arm around his daughter’s back. Holding her close. His greatest gift.
Claire set down her magazine, and joined the two of them on the rug.
“And a quiet old lady who was whispering “hush”,” Jamie and Claire read in unison. Watching their daughter’s eyes slowly drift closed.
Claire closed the car door and buckled her seatbelt. “We’ve got the baby, and all of her gear, and sunscreen, and snacks.”
Jamie turned on the car and backed out of the driveway. Within two minutes they were gliding down Montauk Highway, cruising past the restaurants that had closed for the night only a few hours before.
“I didn’t realize how close the house was to the beach,” Claire mused, adjusting her sunglasses.
Jamie turned onto the side road that headed straight for the beach. “I can’t believe that we haven’t been majorly sunburned.”
Claire smiled and sipped her travel mug of coffee. “It pays to be married to a physician. And, we hit the sand before the sun gets too intense.”
“And before the riff-raff arrive, along with their White Claw.” Already they were in the parking lot, and Jamie pulled into a spot right near the entrance, pulling out the beach permit Amy had so thoughtfully directed them to when she agreed to lend them the house for a few weeks.
Claire slid out, opened the rear door, and quickly unbuckled Brianna from her car seat. “Are you ready for some splashing, sweet girl? You had so much fun yesterday!”
Brianna kicked her little legs and squealed.
By the time Claire had carefully lifted Bree from her car seat, Jamie was already waiting for them, Bree’s bag slung over one shoulder, and their bag slung over his other shoulder. Claire grabbed the beach umbrella and together they marched out over the sand, staking their spot.
---
“It’s so pretty. The ocean.”
Jamie munched on an egg salad sandwich, towel slung around his shoulders. “Yeah. The horizon is incredible. Nothing between us and the Caribbean.”
Claire tightened the towel she’d wrapped Bree with after their dip in the ocean, and held her closer against her shoulder. “I suppose you’re right. On the north shore, you can see Connecticut. Or is it Rhode Island?”
Jamie shrugged. “One of those New England states.”
Further down the beach, three small boys splashed at the tide line, their mom - or nanny, it was always hard to tell - flipping through a paperback, tanning in the hot mid-morning sun.
“Do I need to move the umbrella?”
“No, we’re fine. We should get going soon, anyway - before the beach gets overrun.”
Jamie scooted closer to his wife on the blanket she’d laid out on the sand. “I’m so glad we’re here. So glad we decided to do this.”
“A literal and figurative change of scenery. More space. Fresh air. A backyard.”
He nodded. “Do you think we should bite the bullet and get a house, Claire?”
Bree sleepily squirmed against Claire’s shoulder, and Claire rubbed a soothing hand on her back. “Out here?”
“Not necessarily out here. Just - outside of the city. Give Bree more space.”
“Is that what you want to do?”
Absently he dug his toes deeper into the sand. “My opinion factors into the decision - but we need to think what’s best for her. For her future.”
Claire sighed. “I know. I don’t know. I don’t want to need to commute into the city. That would mean time away from her.”
“We don’t have to decide now. Just - well I’ve been thinking about it a lot more, now that we’re here. Now that we see what it could be like.”
“Minus the drunks.”
He snorted. “Yeah. Minus that.” He leaned over to kiss her cheek. “This...this whole year is making me re-evaluate a lot of things. To consider making different decisions. But one thing won’t ever change.”
She raised one eyebrow.
“My love for you, and my commitment to you, Claire.”
Tears brimmed in her eyes, and she leaned into him for a kiss.
When she pulled back, she spotted the three young men towing a wheeled cooler onto the sand.
“Let’s go. Put her down for a nap and then...”
Never had they packed up and returned to the car so quickly.
Claire briefly glanced up at Jamie, who had just stepped into the kitchen - undoubtedly for his customary mid-afternoon coffee. “When I went out to Gristedes yesterday I passed by one of those plastic boxes full of a few kinds of free newspapers and magazines. Mostly they’re junk - but for some reason this one had a copy of The Montauk Sun.”
Jamie measured out a spoonful of coffee and tipped it into the moka pot that Claire already had ready on the stove. “Are you thinking a trip out east may be in our future?”
She continued leafing through the magazine. “Why not? It’s summertime - we can rent a car, take Bree to the beach. Really enjoy the fresh air for a bit.”
He turned on the stove. “It will be impossible to find a hotel, with all the people there this summer. And I don’t want to pay through the nose for a rental.”
“Didn’t you say once that one of the authors you worked with last year has a house out there?”
He frowned, thinking. “You know what - you’re right. Amy McCallum - she told me all about it. Said I could stay there whenever I wanted - we didn’t last year because your pregnancy was so touch-and-go.” His face brightened. “And I know for a fact that she’s not there right now - she and her husband took their kids to his parents’ place in Scotland, right when things were starting to get bad. I guess marrying into the aristocracy has its perks.”
Claire smiled. “Indeed. So - do you think you could drop her a note?”
The moka pot whistled, and he turned off the burner. “Absolutely. We could both still work - all we’d need is a rental car.”
“Leave that to me - it’ll give me something to do in between virtual visits.”
He poured his coffee into a mug, and leaned over to kiss her forehead. “Next week, then? Assuming Amy’s all right with it?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Bree’s already got a car seat that we’ve never used. It’ll be such a good change of scenery for all of us. And Bree’s first trip, too!”
So six days later Jamie edged the rental car around the corner, where he met Claire at the curb. They packed in their clothes and a giant bag of Bree’s essentials and a crate of groceries to stock the house with. They buckled Bree in her seat, and put on their sunglasses, and Jamie turned on CBS-FM, and Claire and Jamie held hands all the way to Montauk.
“Well that’s good, then. I’m glad that we’ve been able to make up what we lost back when this all hit in March.”
Dougal MacKenzie - Jamie’s boss, and the head of the publishing house - nodded, face a bit pixellated due to the wifi that was always going in and out in the basement where he’d set up shop. “Thankfully the printers were glad to hire the extra staff to keep the presses running overnight. All the new stuff is out, and we’re up to second and third printings on some of the books released last year. And reprinting titles from our back catalogue.”
“It’s a good thing to need to keep up with demand.” Jamie swivelled in his chair - a proper office chair, which thankfully he’d been able to acquire quite early in the pandemic from a neighbor down the hall who had decamped to the Hamptons for the foreseeable future. “And I’m glad that we can provide those extra jobs. It’s still pretty grim out there.”
“How’s Claire?”
“She’s well. Virtual doctor visits are quite popular these days - whoever would have thought that a year ago?”
Dougal snorted. “Whoever would have thought a lot of things, a year ago?”
“Good point. How about you? How’s Laeticia and the girls?”
“As well as can be. The virtual school is hard. Ten-year-olds aren’t meant to be on Zoom calls all day.”
“I don’t think adults are, either.”
“True. All right, Mr. Fraser - just let me know once you hear back from Bob Higgins about that book he’s writing. Indentured servitude in the American colonies - not exactly an uplifting topic.”
“I promise you it’s good. It’s a huge part of history that not enough people know about.”
“I look forward to it. Take care.”
Before Jamie could say anything further, the “the host has ended the meeting” window popped up on his laptop.
He leaned back in his chair, stretching. Dougal had always been a tough nut - he wouldn’t have climbed his way to the top of the company otherwise - but the experiences of the year had softened him. The former all-work-and-no-play personality was gone - replaced with a dad who enjoyed spending evenings with the daughters he would rarely see in more normal circumstances.
This year had changed a lot of things, for sure. Perhaps not positive in the scope of the wider world - but definitely more positive in the scope of Jamie’s life. Of his family’s life.
He glanced at the clock on his laptop - 5:32 PM. Time to call it a day and see what his girls were up to.
“Claire?”
“In the bathroom!” Her voice drifted faintly into the office/closet.
He closed his laptop, stood, stretched again, and turned down the hall.
They were both in the bathroom - Brianna splashing happily in two inches of water in the tub, Claire perched on the toilet and reading an advance proof of a book he’d helped publish. But more than anything -
“Why are you wearing your swimsuit?”
Claire looked up at him, slid in her bookmark, placed the book on the back of the toilet. “I wanted to see if I still fit into it. And I didn’t want to do more laundry if she got my clothes all wet.”
Jamie swallowed. “You look beautiful.”
She flushed - and he watched it bloom across her chest and all the way down to her navel. “I can barely fit into it.”
“I don’t care.” He knelt on the floor before her, settling his hands on her hips, thumbs tracing the marks still on her skin from carrying Bree. “It’s for the best possible reason.”
She kissed the top of his head. He buried his face against her clavicle.
“I need,” she whispered into the shell of his ear. “I’ve needed all day.”
He kissed the top of one breast. “Do you remember when we talked about that, the first time we realized it?”
She nodded. Beneath his cheek, her heart fluttered. “How it never stopped, for either of us. And we were scared that it would stop.”
He pulled back to kiss up her sternum, and then the side of her neck. “It’s still there. It’s always there.”
She dug her fingers into the hair at the base of his neck. “Yes. But it’s...more.”
He kissed her jawline, her chin. Finally, her mouth. She breathed him in.
“So much more,” he rasped. “Is bathtime done?”
She nodded. “Let’s dry off our little girl, and set her pack-and-play in the living room. I’ll do the drying, if you do the setup.”
God, his smile was so beautiful.
He stood, and so did she. He held out the towel and she picked up their wriggling daughter to swaddle her. She followed him into their bedroom where she lay Bree down to change into a fresh diaper and he carefully maneuvered the pack-and-play out of the corner and down the hall to the living room.
Five minutes later Bree babbled and played with her feet, staring up at the living room ceiling, her coos filtering through the monitor at the side of the bed where her parents found joy in each other.
Claire had been hosting virtual consultations with patients for two weeks now - and Jamie had finally figured out how to get from the doorway to the refrigerator without appearing in the background of Claire’s video call.
Silently he opened the door and took out the makings of a sandwich, watching Claire scribble notes on a piece of paper. He’d bought her a laptop stand to ease the eye strain and keep as much of the kitchen table clear as possible.
“That’s good. You’ll have an email with a record of the consultation in your inbox shortly - and in that email you can click a link to schedule a time to come in for your test....You’re welcome. Have a good day!”
She pulled out her earphones and swiveled in her chair to smile at her husband. “Early lunch?”
Jamie slathered mustard on a piece of rye bread. “Miss Bree is taking a nap in the pack and play in my office, and my next meeting isn’t for a half hour. I thought I’d take advantage of the opportunity.”
Claire rose, stretched, and stepped to the other end of the kitchen island. She leaned over for a kiss.
Jamie happily complied - then pulled away, rounded the island, settled his hands on her hips, and gave her what he always called a proper kiss.
A few moments later Claire pulled away, resting her forehead against his neck. His arms wrapped around her tight, his lips kissed her hairline, and he felt her breathe.
“Everything OK?”
She swallowed, and nodded. “It was so much easier to ease back into work than I thought it would be. The time is flying.”
Jamie wove his thumb through the belt loop of Claire’s jeans. “But...”
“But...it’s going by too fast. And this world we now live in...I don’t know if I like it.”
Gently he stroked her back. “It’s not the world that was.”
“And people aren’t who they were. People are afraid. Things are so uncertain. How do we know what to expect? Who to trust?”
He nodded. “I hate the term ‘new normal’ because it implies that it’s a done deal. That the world we have now is the world we’ll still have whenever all of this blows over. And there are so many things I just don’t want to get used to. That I don’t want Brianna to think is normal.”
Claire pulled back. Cradled Jamie’s cheek in one hand. His eyes locked with hers, and he turned his head to kiss her wedding ring.
“You’re the world I have,” she whispered, and pulled him in for a kiss. Breathing him in. Finding peace.
Jamie tickled Brianna’s tummy, grinning madly as she giggled.
“There’s a good girl!” he crooned, watching her flail tiny arms against the blanket spread out on the living room carpet. “Don’t be too loud - Mama is on a very important Zoom call!”
“Mama just wrapped her very important Zoom call.” Claire appeared from the walk-in closet that Jamie had converted into his tiny workspace, and plopped down on the floor.
Jamie waited.
“I’ll do it.”
He let out a breath he didn’t realized he’d been holding. “That’s great news, Claire. I’m so happy for you.”
She smiled tentatively. “It should be simple. As the on-call telehealth doctor, I’ll do virtual consultations to take the burden off of the other doctors and nurses who have been re-stacked for COVID patients. And what’s even better is that I can help the people who are still not confident to come in person and meet with a doctor.”
Jamie reached out for her hand, squeezing it. “Will it be weird to not actually see people when you meet with them? Can you examine them?”
“Well...the hospital has put a procedure in place where some forms of virus testing require a virtual consultation first. That doesn’t require any kind of physical exam - I just have my checklist of questions.”
Brianna kicked her legs and cooed.
“Joe said I can do it as long as I want - it will be a great lift off of their shoulders. I can keep my own hours but of course I need to be on call.” Her smile widened. “I’m so happy to be useful again.”
Jamie’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t say that. You’re so incredibly useful here, Claire - to me, and to Bree.”
She shook her head. “I mean - it will be so nice to have things to do during the day. And I don’t have to leave Bree - she can be right next to me. I don’t have to go back to the hospital and expose myself - meaning you and her, too.” She crossed her legs. “And I get paid!”
Jamie laced his fingers through hers. “I’m so happy for you, Claire. And it’s not what you feared - that they’d create some kind of nonsense job for you. It’s the real deal.”
She nodded, running her thumb up and down Brianna’s bare leg. “I can help so many people. I can make a difference. And I can get back into the flow of things, without leaving either of you.” Her heart clenched. “I can’t leave you. I can’t leave her - not when I can be with her, watch her grow, care for her.”
Jamie leaned over to kiss her forehead. “We need to give you a proper set-up. You can take my office.”
“Nonsense. I can set up my laptop at the kitchen table - that’s enough space for my notes. Joe is mailing over a package with the checklists and some paperwork for me to sign.”
Jamie reached down to carefully pick up Brianna, settling her on his knee. “Do you hear that, Bree? Dr. Fraser is back!”
Bree blessed them with a gummy smile.
“Look - she’s as happy as I am!”
Claire swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’d do anything for her to always be so happy.”
Jamie met her gaze, and held it. “As I would for her. And for you, my heart.”
Deep in the night, a particularly loud siren woke Claire.
Automatically she reached for Jamie’s side of the bed - but her arm touched only sheets.
Groggily she sat up, squinting at the clock on her bedside table - 3:53 AM.
The baby monitor was silent. But the apartment wasn’t that big.
She slid into her shearling slippers - a birthday gift from Jamie last year - and silently padded down the hall.
She heard him before she saw him. She stood in the dark hallway, mesmerized, listening to him whisper to their daughter.
For he was perched in the window seat that had been the key selling point for this apartment, leaning against one wall, his knees tented before him and Bree safely nestled on his thighs. His big hands held her steady, and she kicked her little legs against him.
His voice was low. Thoughtful. Sad.
“Your mama and I want you to have the best possible life. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for you. But what kind of a world is this? How can I keep you safe from something I can’t see?”
He sighed.
“Will you ever know a world where people don’t cover half of their faces? Where you can go to school that’s not on an iPad? Where you can run around on the playground and hug other kids and not have to worry about sanitizing or getting sick? Or getting us sick? Will this city be safe enough for you to go out on your own after dark, and not have to always look over your shoulder?”
Claire covered her mouth with one hand, holding back a sob.
“Your mama says I’m not afraid of anything. But can I tell you a secret, Bree? I’m so afraid now, because the world can do so many things to hurt you. I know you’ll grow up to be smart and brave and strong and confident. But I’ll still worry.”
Heart aching, Claire glided across the living room and settled a steady hand on Jamie’s shoulder. He was so tense - but she felt him ease slightly at her touch.
“Are you two solving the world’s problems?”
Bree cooed.
Jamie shrugged. “Neither of us could sleep. You’re sleeping so fitfully these days - I didn’t want to wake you.”
She kissed the crown of his red head. “I don’t sleep well without you. But I’m happy to sit here and watch the world go by.”
So she settled into the other half of the window seat, looking out at the dozens of dark windows in the buildings around them, and the stars faintly twinkling in the sky, and the red lights blinking at the top of far-away skyscrapers.
“We’ll give her the best possible life, Jamie. I know it. No matter what the world throws at us. We’ll soldier on. We have the best possible reason why.”
Claire squinted at Uncle Lamb’s face on her phone - a bit pixellated due to his unsteady wifi connection.
“Thanks.”
“Is Bree not sleeping very well?”
“No - it’s not that. She is sleeping well, relatively speaking.” Claire took a deep breath. “It’s just - Joe called me this morning to talk about coming back to the hospital.”
“I see.” Lamb rubbed his crown, white wispy hair all askew. “Do you not want to go back, dear?”
Claire looked out the window for a long moment - watched her neighbor in the apartment across the street change yoga positions in her living room.
“I don’t know.”
“And why’s that?”
“I don’t know if I can be away from her yet. The world is so crazy. I don’t know if I feel comfortable being in an emergency room all day, sweating behind my mask and face shield and head-to-toe gown and worrying that I’d bring the virus home to my baby. Or to my husband.”
“Did you say that to Joe?”
She nodded. “He said he could re-assign me. So that I could do rounds, like some of the other doctors do. Check on the patients who are in for more routine things.”
“But?”
“But...my work isn’t as important anymore. Bree has changed everything. Being home with her these months...it’s been the silver lining for staying home and not being able to go out. That, and that Jamie’s gotten so much time with her, of course.”
Lamb moved his iPad to his other hand, cutting off his face a bit. “Can you afford to not go back?”
“Yes. Not forever. It would be tight, but we can make it work.”
“I can always help, Claire - ”
“I know you can, Lamb. And I appreciate it. But if I need it, I’ll let you know.” Suddenly tears welled. “I wish I could hug you right now. I wish you could hug Brianna.”
His face creased into a sad smile. “This Face Time gadget is such a blessing. That, and how Jamie arranged for the grocery delivery service. I haven’t been out in months, except in the backyard and to just drive around the neighborhood to keep myself from going stir crazy.”
“With your history - ”
“I know, I know, Dr. Fraser. You take good care of me, even across these miles. You always have - ever since you were a little girl.”
She knuckled away a tear, laughing. “You need taking care of. I don’t even want to think about the state of your study right now. Dust and papers and crumbs everywhere.”
“That may be so, my dear - but I finished my manuscript! Fingers crossed, it will be published later this year. Three hundred pages on my archaeological survey of that stone circle in the Scottish Highlands. And I’ll never have to meet my editor in person!”
Claire shook her head. “Whatever will I do with you?”
“I’m dedicating the book to Brianna. I’d like to take her, and you and Jamie of course, to the circle one day. It’s truly a magical place.”
A helicopter rumbled overhead, buzzing the neighborhood. “Maybe it could transport us to another place, or another time.”
“As long as I could be with all of you, I wouldn’t mind.”
Claire held Brianna - her head still a bit wet - tighter against her shoulder.
“You were such a good girl,” she crooned, rubbing her daughter’s tiny feet from where they poked out of the bottom of her baptismal dress. “Even when Father Anselm poured the water over your head.”
Bree had indeed been a trooper - barely flinching as Claire had held her steady as Father Anselm intoned the prayers - his voice echoing in the empty church, but clearly picked up by Jamie’s iPad as he held it steady for the Zoom call. Claire watched the faces of their dear family members - Jamie’s sister Jenny and her husband Ian, dialed in from North Carolina; her elderly Uncle Lamb dialed in from Boston; Joe and Gail Abernathy dialed in from their apartment on the Upper West Side.
It was an unconventional baptism - but it was in a church, with a priest, and Brianna wore the Fraser baptismal dress that had been made by Jamie’s great-grandmother.
In other words, it was perfect.
“I wish you could see how much I’m smiling,” Jamie repeated as he folded up his tripod.
Father Anselm - their parish priest, originally from Brittany but who had called New York home for many years - laughed. And despite his mask, Jamie and Claire knew he was smiling. “I assure you, the favor is returned. Brianna is my first baptism in nearly four months. I am so happy to be in my church again - and of course to welcome her to the Church.”
“And now I insist that we all celebrate with a late lunch.” Claire wiped at Brianna’s suddenly runny nose. “Our treat. It’s the least we can do to thank you for the gift of today.”
“You are too kind. But I am happy to decline, for I have another baptism this afternoon. Perhaps another time?”
Claire reached for the priest’s hand, squeezed it, and then held it out for Jamie to spritz with sanitizer.
“Yes, absolutely. You’ve given us so much joy today. I want Bree to have as normal of a life as possible.”
From deep within the pockets of his vestments, Father Anselm produced a small book, and carefully handed it to Jamie. “This is my gift to your daughter - a Sunday missal for children. I already inscribed it for her with her baptism date - I hope that when she’s old enough I can do the same for her First Reconciliation and First Communion.”
Jamie swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, and bowed with gratitude. “Thank you, Father. You are so kind to us.”
Anselm’s eyes softened. “I lost two childhood friends to this virus, back in March when things were so bad in France. I realized that life is too short to not remember the little things.”
Tears wet the corners of Claire’s mask. “You’re so right, Father. Thank you for today.”
He inhaled a deep breath. “Thank *you*, dear Frasers, for today. For bringing me a bit of normality.”
“We’ll take what we can get, when we can get it,” Jamie added. “We’ll grit it out. Better days are ahead.”
Claire shifted Brianna to her other shoulder. “It’s all right. I think she’s enjoying the sidewalk traffic. She’s never seen so many people before.”
Finally outdoor dining had started - and they’d decided to celebrate with lunch at their favorite little Spanish restaurant, right down the block. Angus Mhor, the proprietor, and his crew had quickly constructed a plywood barrier in the first lane of traffic - fortunately on a side street and not the avenue - and arranged half a dozen cheery umbrellas to provide much-needed shade. The tables within the plywood barrier were separated by sheets of plexiglass - and for Bree’s first trip to a restaurant, Jamie had selected the table farthest away from the other couple also dining out.
“I can’t believe all of this.” Claire reached for her glass of wine with her free hand.
“What do you mean?” Jamie speared the last of their tapas with his fork.
Bree snuffed against Claire’s neck - and carefully she rubbed the baby’s back, helping her settle.
“I can’t believe we’re eating outside of our apartment. I can’t believe we’re sitting on the street. I can’t believe that Angus has actually done a great job to make it nice. You’d almost forget why we can’t go inside.”
Jamie nodded. “I can’t believe that Bree is three months old and this is the longest she’s been outside.”
Claire kissed their daughter’s forehead. “Having doctor friends make house calls has certainly been convenient. I’m glad we’re in the shade, though. Her skin is still so sensitive.”
Angus Mhor poked his head out of the restaurant’s door - sporting a mask with the Spanish flag on it - and his eyes lit up.
“Ah! The Frasers have returned!”
Quickly he crossed the sidewalk and stepped into the makeshift shelter, approaching the little family, stopping to stand a safe distance away from them.
“I’m so happy to see all three of ye here!”
Jamie nodded. “I can see the smile all the way from here, Angus. We’re so happy to be here.”
Cristina - Angus’ wife and business partner - appeared beside her husband, wearing a cheery gingham mask. “Oh! Claire, she’s beautiful!”
Claire beamed. “She came a bit early, but all is well, thank God. We absolutely had to take her here for her first restaurant experience.”
Angus looped an arm around his wife’s shoulders. “I’m glad of it. I cannae thank ye enough for all the take-away orders ye made when we couldnae be open. It means the world to us.”
“Especially when you have choices,” Cristina added.
Jamie smiled. “Well - when it’s you and your wife and your newborn in a three-room apartment, you need a bit of variety every now and again.”
“How is it, now that you can have people here again?” Claire shifted Bree onto her lap so that Cristina could see her face - peacefully dreaming.
Cristina sighed. “Better than a month ago. But the storm has not lifted. It will be a long road ahead for us.”
“Thank ye again, Jamie, for all yer help with yer uncle who works at the bank.” Angus’ eyes softened. “If he hadnae helped us get that loan...”
“I’m happy to help, Angus, you know that. It’s the least I can do for the man who introduced me to my wife.”
“Inadvertently,” Claire reminded him. “All you did was fall down drunk - ”
“I was just a bit tipsy - ”
“...and smash your shoulder on the beautiful tile floor. All Angus did was ask if there was a doctor in the house - ”
“And thankfully G had taken you here to celebrate your promotion. So.”
“So. We’re still here - and so are Cris and Angus.”
Cristina reached out to grasp Claire’s hand in thanks - but quickly pulled it back.
“We appreciate you,” she said quietly, voice muffled behind the mask.
Jamie nodded. “As we do you. Always.”
The waiter stepped around Angus and Cristina to bring their favorite dessert - caramel flan.
Jamie took it all in - the shelter on the street, his empty wine glass, his wife and daughter, the people strolling by with their masks on - and the couple who meant so much to them.
“I’m so grateful for everything. In spite of it all.”
He held her, gasping, their hearts thundering together.
“Sshh,” he soothed. “Sshh.”
Eyes still shut with bliss and joy and relief, she gulped deep breaths.
Smiling ecstatically.
“Jamie,” she rasped.
He kissed the side of her mouth. Anchoring himself deeper within her.
“I’m here,” he whispered. “I love you.”
She licked parched lips. “I love you so much. So so so much.”
Gently his thumb traced a line down her throat, between her breasts, down her belly, to anchor in her navel. His hand cupped the place where their daughter had grown.
“I want to stay like this with you always, Claire.”
She opened her eyes, struggling to focus. Lifted a hand to cup his face - cradling it - digging her fingers in his hair.
“You are my joy. We make our own world. You help me forget.”
He turned his face to kiss her palm. “What were you thinking, the first time we did this?”
She smirked. Glowing.
“That it was adorable how quickly you finished.”
Now his grin matched hers.
“And - that I felt you in my heart. From the very first.”
Carefully he rolled them so that they lay side by side. His thumb began to swirl around her navel, his fingers gently tracing the sensitive flesh of her side. She stroked the shell of his ear.
“What about you?”
He didn’t hesitate. “I feel forever with you, Claire.”
A siren wailed outside of their window. She shifted even closer. Relishing his quiet gasp.
“Four years. It’s only grown, Jamie.”
He leaned across their pillow for a long, deep kiss.
“As long as we both shall live.”
She bit his upper lip.
“Can we stay like this until it’s all over?” he whispered against her lips.
She kissed him. “Mm. That may be a year from now.”
Claire craned her neck as she gently pulled a milk-sated Bree away from her shoulder, still rubbing her tiny back, eyes intent on her daughter’s face.
Bree cooed, and Claire’s heart soared.
“I hope that means that you won’t do that again. I still can’t figure out how your spit-up got all the way onto the ceiling!”
The door unlocked - Jamie, returned from a rare bagel and coffee run.
“Claire?”
“In here,” she replied, watching Bree’s eyes dart around the room, unfocused.
Jamie appeared in their bedroom, carefully balancing a tray of coffee and bagels. From across the room, Claire smelled the sharp tang of hand sanitizer that still glistened on Jamie’s hands.
“You’d never believe it - Bagel King closed.”
“What?” she frowned, finally looking up as Jamie set the tray on their dresser and stripped out of his clothes. “What do you mean?”
He shrugged into a clean t-shirt. “I mean that they closed. Out of business. Big sign in the window, ‘another victim of the virus.’ So I went to Ray’s a few blocks over.”
Claire sighed. “I can’t believe this.”
He tied the drawstring of a fresh pair of sweat pants and slid into bed beside her, handing her a coffee, leaving the bagels on his bedside table. “I can. Most food places, their margins are razor-thin as it is. Any kind of dip in foot traffic and they’re done for.”
She sipped her coffee - black. “You’re right. Without the foot traffic of commuters...”
“Exactly.” He reached for his daughter and Claire gently handed her over. Jamie drew up his knees and lay Brianna against them, rubbing her belly.
“Did you change her?”
Claire snorted. “You don’t even want to know.”
“Hmm.”
Together they watched Bree - their tiny miracle - for a long while.
“What’s next, Jamie? Already all the stores around us are closed. People have left their apartments. Who feels safe enough going outside, even for take-out?”
He leaned over. Kissed her exposed shoulder. “It will come back, Claire. Not all of it - but it will come back. The neighborhood will come back. The city will come back.”
“I know, Jamie. But it will change a lot. And I’m not sure I like the changes. That I want the changes.”
“Yes. But what can we do, Claire? We live our lives the best we can, support the businesses that we can.”
“We can’t be afraid.”
“No. We can’t create that kind of world for Bree.”
“She makes me not afraid to do any of it.”
He nodded. “It’s settled. Let’s pick a place for dinner tonight. You set up the dining table real nice, and I’ll go out and pick it up. We may not be able to go out - but I’ll bring a night out to you.”
She kissed him then. Her rock. So grateful for the blessing of their life together - and the life they’d continue to have. Bravely facing the world.
Jamie scraped his spoon at the bottom of the bowl, slurping the dregs of the chili Claire had simmered over the stove all day.
She smiled. “I suppose you liked it, then.”
He wiped his mouth with a paper napkin. “Are you kidding? I’ve been smelling it since lunchtime. Hard to focus on reading the financials when I know I have this to look forward to!”
He leaned back in his chair at their tiny kitchen table, and reached for Claire’s hand. Squeezed it. “I know the circumstances aren’t ideal, but I do love being here during the day. Seeing you at unexpected times.”
She squeezed back. “I’m still not used to being here so much. Remember when we were looking at this place and said to each other that practically speaking, we’d really only be here evenings and weekends anyway?”
He smiled. “Shows how much any of us really know.”
She paused, thinking. “And remember how worried we were about you being able to take your full parental leave once Bree was born? We didn’t even have to think about that - with you being here all of the time.”
He nodded. “There are many silver linings to the situation, aren’t there?”
“Yes. We have to keep finding them. To keep working to find them. Because the world won’t do it for us.”
He looked down at their joint hands. Traced the back of her hand with his thumb. “Because if we don’t, everything will quickly go dark.”
Another helicopter buzzed overhead. But Claire had pulled down the shades before they sat down to dinner - so that they could focus on only here, this moment, each other. What really mattered.
“You keep it from going dark.”
He scraped his chair across the floor. Pulled her closer, with his free arm. Kissed her reverently.
It was mid-afternoon on a rainy Thursday. Claire sat propped up in one corner of their couch, knees drawn on the cushion, Brianna cuddled against her thighs and cooing as Claire rubbed her tummy.
“What are you watching?” Jamie emerged from his office/closet and flopped down on the other side of the couch.
“I don’t even know,” Claire replied, gently tracing the arches of Bree’s almost invisible eyebrows. “I was watching the mid-day news but I put it on mute a long time ago.”
Jamie rubbed his face and flipped off the screen. “Just the governor’s daily briefing. More bad news.”
Carefully she lifted Bree against her shoulder, and scooted down the couch to lean against Jamie. Automatically his arm wrapped around them.
“I keep wondering when all of this will be over - and then I realize I don’t know what ‘over’ means,” she sighed. “Is it ‘over’ when I go back to work? Or when you go back to your office? Or when we can go to dinner and a movie again?”
His thumb rubbed her shoulder. “Nobody knows. There’s no playbook for this. My authors can still do their book tours virtually, and they complain that it’s not the same - and I say, would you rather do no book tour at all?”
Bree rested her head against Claire’s neck. Claire rubbed her back, soothing. “Everybody is reacting to this differently. It’s like a social experiment - except we’re all part of it, and there’s no end.”
“We’ll just have to endure. We still have our home, and her, and each other. And your crate of pasta and toilet paper over there in the corner.”
Claire stood in their living room window, luxuriating in the late spring warmth, squinting a bit in the bright sunshine.
Watching a lone delivery truck rumble down the deserted street and past the shuttered storefronts. Thinking about how the sidewalk in front of the corner bodega would normally be crowded with flowers, and how there would always be a line out the door at the bagel place, and how she and Jamie would weave in between dozens of people on the sidewalk as they trudged to the subway on Park Avenue South.
The truck stopped down the block, and she watched two men hustle out - bandanas covering their faces - as the metal gate in front of their favorite little Spanish restaurant lifted and the proprietor (Angus Mhor, a Scot who had developed such a liking for tapas that he’d opened his own restaurant) stood at the doorway to greet them.
“But online sales are through the roof.” Jamie’s voice drifted from the walk-in closet that he’d converted into his office - just barely squeezing in a table for his laptop and tablet. “I know everyone talks about Netflix, but people are definitely reading. We should go for a third print run, at the very least.”
She sipped her coffee. Not for the first time, she was thankful that their jobs - emergency room doctor and publishing executive - seemed to be immune from the economic malaise that had crippled so much of their beloved city.
“Yes, Dougal, even the kids’ books. If my daughter was old enough to read, I know that I’d sit her down on the couch with a book every day.”
Bree hadn’t slept well the night before - so neither had her parents - and of course the little fiend had settled into sleep right as the sun rose, and Jamie had had to log in to work.
Better make another espresso for when he finished his call.
So she sauntered to the kitchen, pulled the coffee from the freezer, measured it, and set up the moka pot on the stove.
A few minutes later, Jamie wrapped his arms around her middle. Nuzzling her neck.
“Tough call?”
He snorted. “Paying double to our print team is worth it. We need more books. It’s been a long time since we’ve been so low on inventory.”
She opened the cupboard and took down two cups - from the matching set that G had so thoughtfully given them as a wedding gift.
“I guess that’s something to be happy about, then. More people reading. And here we thought that Bree would live in an iPad-heavy world.”
“She will. But she’ll be in a world surrounded by books. Lots and lots of books.” He kissed her neck and pulled away, rummaging in the cabinet for a protein bar. The moka pot whistled and Claire turned off the heat, carefully pouring their espressos, and handed Jamie his mug.
They leaned against the opposite counters of the kitchen, sipping, watching each other.
“There’s not much we can control, Jamie. But there are things that we *can* control. Rules that we can set for ourselves.”
He sipped his espresso. “Yeah. There’s nothing else we can do. We can’t wait on the world.”
She sighed. “Especially when so many things don’t seem to matter anymore.”
He set down his cup and reached for her hand. Squeezed it.
“You matter. She matters. More than anything else. Always.”
She squeezed his hand back. Smiling tightly. Heart almost breaking with love.
Jamie slid beside Claire in bed, leaning across her body to set the mug of tea at her bedside table, careful to not disturb Bree quietly nursing in the half-dark.
“I think it’s Tuesday now. But I’m not sure. I’d have to look at my watch.”
She sighed, looking down at their daughter. “It was already a blur before she arrived.”
He leaned his head on her shoulder, watching Bree. “Are you all right?”
She snorted.
“Hey. No, I mean it, Claire. We’ve been focusing so much on her. But not enough on you.”
Gently she stroked Bree’s back. “Am I wrong to be happy that I’m here with her, rather than at the hospital?”
“No. Of course not. There’s nowhere - ”
“I took an oath to do no harm. To care for people. And I’m not. G is. Joe is.”
“You’re caring for our daughter - who we waited so long for. It’s not fair to compare that to caring for your patients.” He shifted, slinging an arm around her shoulders. “Plus, they wouldn’t want you there - not when Bree’s so small. Not when you’re still recovering from the delivery.”
She huffed. “Joe was being too dramatic. I’m perfectly fine.”
“You almost died, Claire. That’s not being too dramatic. You were hemorrhaging. You passed out. I was there, remember?”
She turned her face, kissing his forehead. “All of this, Jamie - everything terrible in the world - it never ends, does it?”
Bree puckered her mouth and began to whimper. Gently, carefully Claire brought her up over her shoulder, rubbing her tiny back. Soothing.
“The world may feel a bit more terrible now, Claire. But she makes it all good. You make it all good.”
In the dark they listened to a siren approach, rise, and fade into the distance, speeding down the avenue. Looked out their window at all the dark apartments. Smiled at their daughter’s quiet burp, and then as she snuggled into Claire’s neck.
“This is one thing I hope never ends. Her. The magic of her. Our love for her.”
Jamie kissed Claire’s forehead - and then Brianna’s.
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