A great white shark, but the size of a cat and with puppy teeth unable to cause any damage and moves by dragging itself across the ground. Makes for a great pet

my utopia

The drag queen from this photo has spoken up about the photo.

The central irony is that this isn’t some hypothetical future–it’s just present day reality. This is a picture of two ordinary people going about their normal lives despite how haters want to politicize it lmao. So the underlying message is not “future liberals want” it’s “people conservatives want to eradicate”

the underlying message is not “future liberals want” it’s “people conservatives want to eradicate”

u/Cant_Even18 shares the horrific details of what it was like to have COVID.

Wear your masks. Wash your hands. Socially distance. And most importantly: stay the fuck home if you can.

hey since case numbers are SURGING AGAIN in the united states, i figure this is as good a time as any to reblog this again

idk I just love how we Young People Today use ~improper~ punctuation/grammar in actually really defined ways to express tone without having to explicitly state tone like that’s just really fucking cool, like

no    =    “No,” she said. 

no.    =    "No,” she said sharply.

No    =    “No,” she stated firmly.

No.    =    “No,” she snapped.

NO    =    “No!” she shouted.

noooooo    =    “No,” she moaned.

no~    =    “No,” she said with a drawn-out sing-song.

~no~    =    “No,” she drawled sarcastically.

NOOOOO    =    “No!” she screamed dramatically.

no?!    =    “No,” she said incredulously.

I’ve been calling this “typographical nuance” and I have a few more to add: 

*no* = “No,” she said emphatically. 

*nopes on out of here* = “No,” she said of herself in the third person, with a touch of humorous emphasis.

~*~noooo~*~ = “No,” she moaned in stylized pseudo-desperation.

#no = “No,” she added as a side comment.

“no” = “No,” she scare-quoted.

wtf are you kidding no = “No,” she said flatly. “And I can’t believe I have to say this.”

no no No No NO NO NO NO = "No,” she repeated over and over again, growing louder and more emphatic. 

nooOOOO = “No,” she said, starting out quietly and turning into a scream.

*no = “Oops, I meant ‘no,’” she corrected, “Sorry for the typo in my previous message.”

I cannot express how strongly I absolutely love language and writing and communication but if anyone asks why I will be showing them this post from now on

this is great, but I got to “no no No No NO NO NO NO” and immediately started singing “mamma mia, mamma mia, mamma mia let me go”

no no no nO (no no no)= “No,” she said, sticking to the status quo

“in this essay i will explore” memes piss me off because it implies y’all still using first person pronouns when writing academically. childish ass

In this essay, this writer will explore the implications of pretending that one’s own personal view is not part of one’s essay, and the inaccessibility of academia related to established custom of artificial detachment.

In this essay, I will demonstrate that the blanket ban on first-person pronouns in high-school and some university English classes is poorly understood and hastily adopted as a result. I will further illustrate that it is a mere substitute for explaining to inexperienced writers that excessive use of phrases like “I think” or “I believe” is unnecessary and rhetorically weakens academic writing, and that opinions expressed in an essay are already assumed to be those of the author. Finally, I will address strategies for effectively conveying that information to students, who often find it difficult to grasp.

In this essay, passive voice will be used throughout in order to distance the work done from any researchers, or, in reality, kind of imply all experiments were done by magical lab gremlins and the results were simply recorded. 

in this essay, enlightenment will descend upon you without the agency of any living being. you will know things, yet know not how you know.

prepare yourself. it begins.

In this essay, I will use the first person pronoun as a bludgeoning weapon

trump really rolled back healthcare protections for lgbt people during pride month AND on the day of the 4 year anniversary of the pulse nightclub shooting. i don’t know why i’m even shocked at this point but i still feel physically ill

while this is going to affect lgbt people in general because we are now at risk of being charged higher premiums or fees for being lgbt or at risk of being completely denied healthcare for simply existing it’s especially going to affect trans men and trans women. i know there is a lot happening right now but please don’t let this go unnoticed. they are purposely passing these anti-lgbt laws right now because they know with the protests going on it’s an ideal time to do so. it’s an evil, underhanded tactic. don’t let them get away with keeping us in the dark about this.

‘redemption arc’ this and ‘redemption arc’ that 

wheres an arc where the hero gets morally corrupted by a villain and switches sides and becomes an even bigger threat as a result

where is my bastardization arc

Negative character development WOOOOOO

holy shit i just learned about the “proxy strike” tactic in france in which radicals blockade or occupy a workplace, allowing workers to strike without losing their wages. that’s brilliant, wow

How does that work, exactly?

if you and your coworkers say “we’re striking” and occupy your workplace, your boss won’t pay you, but if your friends and your coworkers’ friends occupy it for you, you say “sorry boss shit’s occupied” and you still get paid because you’re not the ones striking

the 5,528 people who have reblogged this post as of right now could probably paralyze a decent chunk of a city’s economy using this tactic lmao

Found important lore on tiktok of all places

OWCA deadass said “yo Heinz we’re sending a platypus to kick your ass. his name is Perry xoxo”

I always assumed that it happened like this:

Perry: (crashes through window)

Doofenshmirz: A platypus?!

Perry: (puts on hat)

Doofenshmirz: A—platypus wearing a fedora?!

(Perry hands Doofenshmirtz a business card. Doofenshmirtz puts on his reading glasses.)

Doofenshmirz: (gasps) PERRY the Platypus!

I hate how in-character this is

Y'all really see [REDACTED] and hit that reblog button, huh?

what does this say i just saw [REDACTED] and hit reblog

[REDACTED]

[REDACTED]?

Okay let me spell it out for you…

that’s a terrible explanation! here, this is much clearer.

I hate all of you

I. AM DYING.

Dead. TOTALLY. DEAD

OH MY GOD

I’ve gone shopping at Petco for my pet. 😏😉

next transformers continuity i want the autobots to accidentally out themselves to earth when they realize the probe they just shook the dust off of has cameras and one day NASA wakes up to find that opportunity rover's back online and the first thing it recorded was a giant robot saying "well, fuck"

I want this to be Ironhide. But alternatively

Optimus

Gentle Dad Bot just wanted to wipe off that poor abandoned rover. The first thing humanity sees of Optimus is this bigass robot lightly patting Opportunity and saying "There you go, all clean. Oh, it started working? Ratchet look, he's alive! :D"

this is so cute ówò

Optimus becomes a meme long before he ever reaches earth.

The leaked video becomes widely known as Metal Jesus welcomes Oppy to robot heaven or something similar.

If there is a Decepticon attack and Oppy is damaged, Megatron will be globally known as Metal Satan, and the millennials and gen Z's will be mobilized against him before he ever sets foot on the planet.

ALTERNATELY

The Autobots bring Oppy onto their ship to help take care of him. He's a curious little guy! Always rolling around and picking up random objects to examine.

He quickly captures everyone's sparks.

Meanwhile the techs back at NASA are freaking out because they get to virtually explore an alien spaceship and EVERYTHING IS AMAZING!

I'm love this

"Metal Jesus" - there has never been a better description of Optimus ever

@theotherguysride​

The little rover is so fragile, to a being who is used to the cold void of space, to the hostile radiations and dust clouds and ice storms between worlds. What’s curious about this little machine is that it’s *built*. A civilization prodding gently at the secrets of their own solar system. Optimus is *charmed and delighted* by the little thing, sending all it’s data back. Curious and gentle and it’s not really a *pet* so much as a companion. He speaks to it in its language all the time, as if it *is* a pet yes, but also. Optimus Prime is a politician and a master of diplomacy. He’s absolutely gleefully monitoring all the internet data traffic that he can get his servos on, about this little robot and the joy of the people who built it. This is his chance to be soft, and gentle with a fledgling species. To learn about them and their great history, no more than a single blink of Primus’ eye. The Autobots tend to think that Optimus is kind of strange sometimes, but they do indulge him because more often than not, he’s *correct* in his strange actions. And when they do make contact with Earth. It’s via that little robot and its friends, the ones they’ve plucked out of the dirt and ice, to be gently restored to functionality, their power sources rebuilt and their instruments retuned and their data transmission clearer than ever. And they sing the little robot happy birthday, because it’s tradition and because this little ambassador deserves to be honored. Hello, Earth, Optimus says, his voice deep and gentle as he kneels before the little thing. “We’re the Autobots, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.” (It’s not gentle, there’s plenty of bullshit in politics, but Optimus understands the politics and the people and how the two are not the same. The politicians are offered cool professionalism. The public is offered their honesty and personality and joy.) Nasa, collectively, loses its shit. And Opportunity sings itself Happy Birthday to a deep chorus of voices raised in the same kind of giddy exploratory love as the people who built the little drone. (Someday, Opportunity and Curiosity will wobble their shaky way to their feet, beeping and squeaking and figuring out their voices, to say “I love you” to the people who have loved them first.)

Excuse me while I quietly implode from the wholesome

@jurassic-parkranger

the problem with discord d&d

one person, for the fifth time: my parents are dead

everyone else, also for the fifth time: you cut out a little there what was that?

PSA for literally everyone, I am SO tired of explaining this extremely simple fix to people

PSA PSA for those who might not be able to read what this tiny ass screenshot says + without the unnecessary passive-aggressiveness:

Here’s a screenshot of that for our visual learners. It’s a mobile screenshot, but desktop Discord looks exactly the same, just wider.

How hard was it to just explain that nicely?

AHH I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS POST FOR MONTHS AND HAVE BEEN WISHING SOMEONE COULD BRING IT BACK THANK YOU SO MUCH

Millennial Sisyphus keeps entering all the information from his resume into the web form, only for it to delete everything when he tries to move to the next page. He just goes back and types it all up again, over and over again, forever, and he never gets a job.

Millennial Tantalus has been promised that his unpaid internship will become a paid position as soon as the company has space for him. Every week he sees their new job posting. Every week he asks his boss if he can have a real job. The boss shrugs apologetically and says he’ll just have to make do with being paid in experience a little longer. He goes back and keeps working, over and over again, forever, and he never reaches the fruits of his labors.

Millennial Persephone can’t get a job without a degree, but because she had to take out loans to pay for college, she must spend 1/3 of her life working just to pay them off.

Millennial Cassandra’s title is Social Media Coordinator, she was hired to be the expert, but every time she tries to explain the problems in her company’s social media decisionmaking, the managers don’t listen…and end up hiring expensive PR flacks to repair the damage to their reputation when things blow up exactly as she predicted.

Millennial Medusa uses multiple shades of primer and opaque foundation to cover the scars snaking across her face, hiding the bruises, aligning the asymmetry in her broken nose and jaw. Red matte on the lips, green shimmer on the lids. Flawless liner on the first try. She’s had lots and lots of practice. She films her transformation in secret for all to see and learn, and again, men are turned to anonymous stone faces screaming in horror. “Liar!” “Witch!” “Take her swimming on the first date!” These words do not discourage her. These words are a challenge. GlamGorgonXx posts another video.

Millennial Prometheus uploads another PDF to his site. He’s lost track of the printing and edition of this textbook. He knows they just rearranged some of chapters then charge 150 dollars per copy, and the professor wrote the book himself. the ZIP fills uploads successfully, and he starts uploading the next one. He isn’t afraid of the potential lawsuit. knowledge shouldn’t held out of reach like this. 

Millennial Circe screenshots all the lewd messages she gets from men on online dating sites and posts them on her very popular Instagram along with their pictures and usernames. When people accuse her of attempting to destroy their reputations, she insists she’s just revealing them for the pigs they truly are.

Millennial Odysseus is starting to suspect there’s something wrong with his GPS…

i just realized the new animal crossing lacking gyroids makes sense because you live on an uninhabited island and the gyroids are literally graves

you cant dig up a grave if no ones died there yet

 you know what that means

Finding gyroidite out in the open in Pocket Camp has gotten SIGNIFICANTLY stranger