oh my fucking god

Everyone go home. The internet is over.

From his grave, Magritte is CRYING with laughter.

Without looking, guess how many apps you have open on your phone right now.

Then check the actual number and tag this post with how wrong your guess was.

idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

When I think about American attitudes to parenting there's something that always comes to mind, but I don't know whether it's a real thing. All my life in American films and TV I've heard child characters addressing their dads as "sir" or being told off for not doing so.

Is that really a commonplace thing in American families, or is it just a shorthand way of showing that the character is a shitty dad?

There's still time to increase the sample size!

can't believe that pompeii by bastille is over ten years old now. but I guess if you close your eyes it does almost feels like nothing changed at all

I know a ton of people have said this before but for the love everything PLEASE stop treating AO3 like instagram. It is NOT cringe to comment on an old story. It’s an archive old stories are still meant to be found and read. Please think about interacting with the fic you read: at least kudos if you read it, a comment would be ideal. The authors will be over the moon. I guarantee you not a single author is going to ask why someone is commenting on an older fic.

for anyone too young to know this: watching The Truman Show is a vastly different experience now, compared to how it was before youtube and social media influencers became normal

before it was like, "what a horrifying thing to do to a human being! to take away their autonomy and privacy, all for the sake of profits! to create fake scenarios for them to react to, just to retain viewership! to ruin their happiness just so some corporate entity could harvest money from their very humanity! how could anyone do something so evil?"

and now it's like, "ah, yeah. this is still deeply fucked up, but it's pretty much what every influencer has been doing to their kids for a decade now. probably bad that we've normalized this experience"

Instagram and TikTok have successfully created the Torment Nexus from Jim Carrey's iconic work, "Don't put people in the Torment Nexus"

from now on your tumblr nickname is whatever you get from this sexual identity generator  ☆

"But NORMAL People's Bodies Didn't Look Like That!" ...right?

Some of you may have seen my post about Baroque artists and their realistic depictions of human bodies as having skin and fat.

I've had a lot of negative and frankly fatphobic comments on that post, calling the people in the paintings "fat" and "obese," mostly along the lines of this:

"It's because the artists are depicting rich people, who were fat and lazy. Normal people didn't look like that!"

The idea, of course, is that these artists wouldn't have ever drawn bodies that looked like those in the Baroque paintings, if they weren't painting super-rich people that stuffed themselves with food all day.

Supposedly. We'll see how well that holds up.

Today I was in the library looking at a collection of drawings by Albrecht Dürer, and learned that in the early 1500's, Dürer tried to put together essentially a "how-to-draw" book, showing how to draw people. His work was controversial, because of his technique of "constructing" figures using rules about proportions. (A quick and easy method of inventing realistically proportioned bodies out of thin air? Cheating!!)

However, in his "constructed" drawings, Dürer had to figure out how to handle the range of variety in bodies, and ended up breaking down how to create a variety of body types in correct proportions.

I'm showing the women, to contrast with the post on Baroque paintings. Here are some of his drawings that I thought y'all should take a look at.

These are a couple of his more "average" women—the one on the left is from his drawing book, and the one on the right is one of his drawings.

Here's a "strong woman" and "A very strong, stout woman"

This is what he refers to as a "stout woman."

Here's where it gets interesting: this is what Albrecht Dürer refers to as a "peasant-type" woman

^That. That's what a "peasant" body type looks like.

He labeled this one "A peasant woman of 7 head lengths"

in case you missed it: this figure drawing by a guy in the 1500's is literally labeled as being of a peasant woman! this is what a "peasant woman" body type looks like!

He did draw similar amounts of thinner figures, but they're not particularly emphasized over the "Strong" and "Stout" figures. Nor is there exactly a "default" figure. He's just...going over the range of variations that there are?

Here's another "stout woman," covered in notes on how to draw the proportions:

now that's too technical for me to make any sense of but

this was in the 16th century!! This body type was apparently not incredibly rare in the 16th century. This body type was important enough for you to be able to draw, as an artist, in the 16th century to be handled in detail in a 16th century artist's drawing advice

In conclusion: yes this is just what people look like, yes it's important to know how to draw fat bodies, even this dude from the early 1500's is telling you so, Die Mad About It

all of this is from "The complete drawings of Albrecht Dürer" by Walter L. Strauss

Thinking about "convinced they're a monster, terrified of getting close to people because they don't want to hurt them" x "you're not a monster to me but like I'm also a little into it when you get scary ngl" this sounds really specific but I've had several pairs of blorbos like that

Vulnerability issues x kinky bastard gets me every time. It's about the "I don't want to hurt you" and the "you won't ...........but I mean if you wanted to? 👀"

Much Ado About Nothing (1993) dir. Kenneth Branagh

An apple farmer and a garlic farmer team up to fight their mutual nemesis, a vampire doctor

Dr. Acula

youre telling me an F1 car gets a pit crew and i get one jackass with adhd?

reblogging for that comment jhc

oh god I have zero points, I am pointless and ancient and gentle 

Let's make a dinosaur!

I'm starting to think I may have messed up by including the word "fancy", and thus making the crest option more appealing. Oh well. Polls can't be edited once they're posted, so it will be shaped however it will be shaped.

Why are there so many people in the notes going "I hope someone draws this"? OF COURSE I'm going to draw it, that's the whole point! Look at this blog! You really think I won't draw a dinosaur? I will draw the wretched beast after the poll closes next week and I have the final results.

"where are the horns?" "no thagomizer?" There's a limit of 10 options when you make a poll here, so both of those would fit under the spikes category.

"what about boobs?" Boobs are mammal nonsense, we're making a reptile.

"where's vanilla extract?" listen. I will make a pinhole camera out of your skull.

"I voted torso" Thank you, thank you, good!!! More torso please!