“”EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his dick tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.” 

“Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his dick hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”

“He had not been this close to Malfoy since he had watched him muttering to Crabbe and Goyle during Dumbledore’s speech about Cedric. He could feel a kind of ringing in his ears. His hand gripped his dick under his robes”

“My dick.” Said Ron. “Look at my dick.” It had snapped, almost in two, and the tip was dangling limply, held on by only a few spare splinters.

Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his dick from his trousers. “It’s no wonder I can’t get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they’re tight!” “Oh, I’m so sorry,” hissed Hermione, and Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his dick instead.

What is it like to die?

When Ron asks him, eyes not meeting, as the sun sets on the second day, Harry stops. He is thinking of crunching leaves and waving branches and vicious laughter and then silence. “It’s like a punch in the stomach,” he says.

When Hermione asks him, with a soft voice and her head on his shoulder, Harry frowns. His parents’ graves spring to mind: strong and proud under all that snow. “It’s like a burial,” he tells her.

When George asks him, with too many tears in his desperate eyes, Harry holds his breath. He is trying to remember how it feels to laugh. “It’s like waiting for the punchline,” he lies.

When Neville asks him, with a trembling voice and a nervous smile, Harry sniffs. He can smell wet grass and stale dirt and the sharp scrape of fresh blood and a little bit of fear. “It’s like tripping over your own feet,” he offers.

When Luna asks him, with an expression that suggests she already know the answer, Harry sighs. His head is starting to pound and his brain begins to buzz, bouncing around his skull. “It’s like waking up in reverse,” he shrugs.

When Ginny asks him, with sweaty twisted fingers and a dying fire in her voice, Harry has to press his hands against his face. He sees popping lights and remembers a lot of green, a lot of red, a lot of noise. “I don’t know,” he confesses.

When Fleur asks him, sharp pointed syllables after too many glasses of wine, Harry almost laughs. He feels something dripping at the corner of his mind, but doesn’t care to pursue it. “It’s like the pause between two songs on the radio,” he answers.

When a reporter asks him for the twentieth time, shuffled paper and an enchanted microphone in hand, Harry hexes her. He hears voices ringing in his ears, can imagine tomorrow’s headline. “None of your fucking business,” he chokes.

When Teddy asks him all those years later, with a creased photograph that shows a tall man in grey robes and a woman with bubblegum hair, Harry closes his eyes. He is back at the edge of the forest, staring at faded impressions of his family, wondering the same thing himself. His godfather’s words float through the air with a fragile sort of truth. “It’s quicker and easier than falling asleep,” he whispers.

Fucking poetry

McGonagall is McGONEagall

never forget that for voldemort’s name to rearrange to “je suis voldemort” in the french translations, they had to make his middle name ‘Elvis’

I CANT HANDLE THIS

are we just ignoring that wand is called a baguette in french?

the baguette chooses the wizard mr. potter

FRENCH

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG OMG

IT’S THE FAMOUS POST SEEN ONLY IN SCREENCAPS

Guys. I just realized something.

I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING.

In this scene in DH part II, Harry, Ron and Hermione are just running around doing shit. Until now, I thought it was rather pointless and that they just took it in the movie to add some action. 

But then.

I REALIZED SOMETHING.

Okay, in this order, it happens.

First, a giant, ugly creature tries to kill them with a large weapon. They hide behind a pipe.

Second, there are spiders. Loads of ‘em.

Third, there is a werewolf.

Then, there are dementors.

In that particular order.

Still don’t get it? We’ll take it again.

FIRST, A GIANT, UGLY CREATURE TRYING TO KILL THEM WITH A LARGE WEAPON AND THEY HIDE BEHIND A PIPE.

SECOND, THERE ARE SPIDERS. LOADS OF THEM.

THIRD, THERE IS A WEREWOLF.

THEN, THERE ARE DEMENTORS.

THIS SCENE IS A PIECE OF ART AND IT IS SO GODDAMN IMPORTANT BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THEY HAVE ALREADY BATTLED AND NOW THEY DO IT AGAIN IN A SECOND WITH A SMALL SPELL AND IT SHOWS HOW MUCH THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND HOW MUCH THEY HAVE GROWN.

thank you and goodnight

Then the Order of the Phoenix appears, and then they get to the Half-Blood Prince.

This is one of the best HP insights I’ve ever seen and that’s saying a lot.

(is it socially acceptable to be 25 and still wear Harry Potter jewelry? well, I don’t care cause I’m doing it anyway)

I am 25 and I have whispered conversations with my coworker about Harry Potter fanfiction over a few pints. Harry Potter is ageless. 

hp fancast: ezra miller as sirius black

A million times yes

It’s all Harry’s fault. Well, partially. I suppose Voldemort can be saddled with an equal portion of the blame. The point is, the Dursleys were just minding their own business when a horcrux was dumped on their doorstep. For the next decade it proceeded to warp their minds, turning them from your garden variety insufferable human beings into horrible, heartless monsters. The fact that they survived such prolonged horcrux exposure without delving into insanity or abandoning a helpless child only solidifies their place among the pantheon of noble and virtuous heroes in the Harry Potter universe.

*Mic drop*

That… actually does kind of explain an awful lot, dunnit.

Mind, what we see of Vernon before the timeskip is not exactly a pleasant person. That said, wow.

True; still, he didn’t strike me as the full-on Roald Dahl-esque monstrosity we saw when Harry was ten, just a standard variety self-absorbed jerk.

That’s…huh.

This is why I love the Harry Potter fandom.

Was bored at uni, then this happened.

Romeo and Juliet… but what about Arthur and Molly Weasley? Despite poverty and chaotic children they manage to keep their family happy, raise their children in a loving and safe environment and have a functional married life. 

One of my headcanons of why Lucius Malfoy hates Arthur Weasley so much is because he has this large amazing happy family, and Lucius has an only child feeling lonely in a big-ass mansion and a marriage that has turned cold and dark.

I love how Harry just genuinely likes Luna. Not in a romantic way, but in a “I don’t know how or why but I get you and you get me and I’d be honored to call you a friend and if anyone messes with you I’ll wallop them” kind of a way. I think he just marvels at her level of don’t give a fuck and her absolute sense of self. And then he and Ginny partially name their daughter after her (Lily Luna) and that to me is just fucking precious.

You have to at least ship their friendship.

It’s because Luna leaves him alone. Harry feels upset? Luna talks about her newest theory on whatever magical creature she believes exists. He feels down and depressed? Luna distracts him by talking about Amazon river spirits. Luna gives Harry what he needs, in that she reminds him he is not the center of the universe. That’s what he wants. Harry never wanted to be the savior of the Wizarding World. He never wanted any of it, and he hates that his parents died for a prophecy about him, and he hates thinking about his miserable childhood.

Everyone else keeps accidentally reminding Harry of who he has to be.

Luna is so absorbed in knowing she never once cares about his name as a legend. He’s Harry, her nice friend who holds her shoes for her when she wants to walk barefoot in the woods so she doesn’t startle the moss-people.And he never complains about her oddities, like so many people, and she appreciates that.  And for him, she’s Luna, the friend who just needs him to hold her shoes for her. Luna never wants anything from him but for Harry to hold her things and listen to her talk and give his own input to her theories, mad as they might be at times. When Harry is with Luna, it’s always these quiet, content moments. She’s a bit mad, yeah, but she gets him. And he gets her.

Harry will fight anyone who calls her “Loony Lovegood”. Even though she doesn’t care, he does.

hp + inappropriate audition songs