SCREAMPT

in case you were curious, this is the current state of NFT crypto bros on twitter

i’ve had a bad case of animorphs brain worms (brain slugs???) lately

@coraxes

Thank you, /r/ProgrammerHumor, I love you endlessly.

Redditors competing to make the worst volume sliders possible...

special delivery for @soffies!!!

These are glomps:

Dude got fucking BODIED!!! now THAT’S what a real glomp is!

heard a song in my dream last night with the lyrics ‘she got that junji ito pussy, a hole that was made for me’

Critical Role is the funniest fandom to post about if you have followers from other fandoms. you'll reblog a video like "god this scene killed me. so long as I live I'll never stop thinking about it." and in the corner of the screen a middle aged man is dressed like a tiger for no apparent reason.

try explaining the reason he's a tiger and it's just worse. like "okay there was a Halloween episode where they all dressed up like NPCs from the campaign and Sam was a rakshasa." ("okay, it's Halloween that makes sense but why is no one else dressed up?") "okay so that was last campaign and because Sam is not right, he decided to wear the same clothes he wore last campaign in each corresponding episode this campaign. so it's not Halloween this time. it's just the same episode number as a Halloween episode last campaign. ...he also did this with his beard."

okay unrelated but what was the funniest red flag in ur worst relationship

the whiplash of these notes

Reading the notes like

I feel so sorry for all of you. How are people out here being like this

the progression of cr party names is so funny

vox machina: latin. classic euro fantasy. clever meta nod to their profession. better than 'the shits' (affectionate) even though we know deep down that's their truth

the mighty nein: a classic superhero/adventure story team name. a ragtag group of heroes held together by their conviction in saying no to injustice and their belief that there's strength and healing in numbers. also a pun and an inside joke.

bell's hells: literally just a band name. here with their inner demons to fuck shit up for the greater good. pure chaos. starting accidental fires wherever they go. named after their band manager who died like five minutes after helping them book their first gig.

i think when judas kissed jesus it was sloppy and with tongue

“Dale what do I do?”

“get the cherry pie, youll need the energy in the coming days”

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown, 24th Jan 22

LET’S GET YOU IN THE MOOD, KIDS, IT’S A WILD ONE!!! Background music for your enjoyment. If you’re on mobile, here’s a Spotify option. Want to really set the scene? Grab some snacks! Snacks such as, for example, popcorn, like this popcorn given out to passers-by by Butterkist today in front of Downing Street.

OKAY so. Last update we had just learned that Will Wragg MP was accusing the Tory party of blackmail! News that came just as I was writing the damn update even. So, let’s pick up from there!

Well, naturally, as the rats are running from the sinking ship, Boris Johnson is cutting an increasingly lonely figure. But hey, you can always count on your true friends to defend you! Up until now, that’s been the job of Nadine Dorres (the galaxy-brained genius behind Operation Red Meat, more on that in a moment) and Jacob Rees-Mogg (a time travelling Victorian dandy too stupid to spot he’s landed 150 years in the future); but now, Tumblrs, in steps your new favourite clown character in this saga: Michael Fabricant.

Now Michael Fabricant is a terrible man who last year described Palestinian activists as “primitives” who are “trying to bring to London what they do in the Middle East”, which is frankly the mere tip of the iceberg, if an iceburg were made of frozen liquid shit and melted slugs. He is also, and I swear to god I am not shitting you Tumblrs, I swear this is genuine, he is a real man who has made these real choices - he is a man who appears to very literally be cosplaying Boris Johnson. Look at this:

SAME CLOWN WIG!!!!

He’s also spotted his sycophantic chance to worm his way into the mouldering and collapsing bodily cavity where Big Dog once had a heart, so he stepped up to the plate when he heard this TERRIBLE accusation of blackmail. Oh yes! The hour came and Fabricant was not found wanting! Let’s see his defence!

Keep reading

GEORGE: She came on my glasses.

JERRY: On your glasses?

GEORGE: All over em! It was a nightmare!

JERRY: Well why were you wearing your glasses during sex?

GEORGE: I gotta see, don't I?

JERRY: What's there to see? All you need is the basic gist.

GEORGE: You're missing the point.

KRAMER: She came on your glasses? Oh that's the worst.

GEORGE: Thank you!!

JERRY: Kramer, you don't even wear glasses!

KRAMER: I do for sex!

#ff puts such an emphasis on vulcan touch telepathy that i’m re-evaluating every single time they so much as brushed in tos #especially when spock is so deliberate #like is he checking his thoughts to see if he’s actually alright here? #can i live?

I’m having a hard time as it is with how their shadows play on the wall #dead

To get that shadow intersect they had to specifically re-mount the lights from how they normally do in the turbolifts.  It was a calculated artistic choice.

please they look like they’re hitting their 40’s 😭