i don't like john mulaney because he invited dave chappelle on stage with him after deeply praising him at the height of the transphobic controversy around him after his netflix special but i cant say stuff like hope he dies lest people think i'm in the camp of people that hate him because he got a divorce for some reason
with the new john mulaney special out i just want everyone to know that it's not because of his divorce that i refuse to watch it. honestly, i think how the internet handled that was weird. it was a personal romantic relationship that we didn't have all the information on, and as someone who had an addiction problem i'm not going to judge him for making (what looks like to us) a bad decision right after he got out of rehab, and if you would i think you need to look inside yourself as to why you think that's okay. i'm not saying i loved watching that, but i think we need to have grace for people in difficult situations and i normally would want to hear his side, perhaps even through a comedy special!
why i refuse to watch the new special or engage with his content is he openly and happily platformed a transphobe right after he started getting heat for being openly transphobic. i'm not letting that go.
listen
this aged like lukewarm milk on a texan afternoon
Date of Origin: May 10, 2018
ive already seen stuff about this so i want to make it clear. i hope people realize that john mulaney relapsing, having to go to rehab, divorcing his wife and then immediately after dating someone else and having a kid with her is one thing, it's a series of things that happened to him and that are none of our business, they don't impact anybody else's lives except john's and the people directly involved, that's why people were defending him back then and talking about not putting him on a pedestal because he's not perfect etc
john mulaney platforming a transhomophobe without a warning, and cheering him on and clapping and hugging him etc is a completely different thing. dude that HURTS people, that's a direct attack towards his vastly queer online audience. it involves all of us
so here's my point. "stop putting celebrities on a pedestal" worked for the first part, john was considered this untouchable being, and then he did something that was kinda ehhhhhhh and we know what happened
but THIS IS DIFFERENT. the pedestal is on the ground. we are ground fucking floor baby! the standard is literally "don't be a bigot" AND HE DID THAT. there is no pedestal girl it's basic common sense
one thing is elevating someone to godhood, giving them the untouchable perfect person status, and being disappointed when they do one thing that makes them less perfect. another is expecting the bare fucking minimum (not being a bigot) and being met with bigotry.
please. PLEASE for the love of everything that is holy and unholy on this earth, learn the goddamn difference and understand that this is nowhere near comparable as the previous shit that happened
john mulaney can't make jokes about jewish women since he divorced his wife so now he's doing transphobia. so brave of him
mulaney had dave chappelle open for his comedy show, chapelle told transphobic jokes, they hugged at the end, then mulaney told the crowd, "thanks for not being violent". and there isn't any footage of this, since the audience had their phones locked away. he's so annoying
Had some great bread today
john mulaney has checked into rehab. here’s what we are going to do:
• support him
• wish him well
• respect his privacy
here’s what we are NOT going to do
• make jokes because addiction is not funny
• speculate anything about his marriage or personal life
• attack those in his personal life (*ahem, leave anna alone. don’t go asking pete davidson for details. none of that)
addiction is a serious disease, and while this news may be troubling, i am so proud of him for seeking help. you can too.
when someone has to notify former us president bill clinton that people on the internet think he fucked an actor on the cw when he interned for him in the 90s and bill says "dmitri?" BECAUSE HE NEVER FORGETS A BITCH. EVER.
cas trying to figure out the best way to say goodbye to dean while professing his love for him at the same time:
oh my GOD
HOLY FUCK
John Mulaney on his way to murder Princess Diana
Image description under the cut
One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.
And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”
He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.
during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard
When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”
She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”
He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”
Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”
ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid
i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”
I saw him live at my college. During his show he shouted something, which spooked a service dog in training that someone had brought with them (the dogs are common on campus, cause they are learning how to socialize and be in large crowds without reacting). Seeing the dog had been scared he apologized and asked the dog’s name. Upon hearing the dogs name was “Blanket” he about lost his god damn mind he was so happy. throughout the show he kept checking on Blanket. It was adorable.
This is my favorite version of this thread now
a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assasination
Princess Diana wasn’t John Mulaney’s first kill
my favorite thing about this is that john mulaney wasn’t there that night so he emailed them the changes and apparently they didn’t tell bill at all
so apparently John Mulaney was Aesop in 500 B.C
John Mulaney being the modern form of the immortal Aesop isn’t a take I expected, but it’s a take I can get behind.
