Wemma Through The Seasons
A personal commentary on the fangirl hell that is being a supporter of Wemma
FIRST 13
Someone ate their Wheaties... Because we got a big ole heaping helping of longing stares, innuendo, pain, unrequited love and just a tiny hint of sexual frustration (Chalk is always a metaphor for boning... and an aphrodisiac when placed upon the nose) The Great Baby Fake Out in which a square pillow was used to represent a growing fetus (seriously watch Vitamin D... the pregnancy pad is square... it's literally a cardboard box under Terri's shirt). There were touches that made your stomach lurch into your throat and made you cry in front of your roommate, who was apparently raised in an Amish township that had no TV while she was growing up. When he runs down the hall because and you bit your nails in anticipation because he knew his life (and storyline) would suck without her. They Kissed! This will go down in history as a love story for the ages... Until... BACK 9 Emma's like "I'm down for watching Armageddon 6 billion times but no go in the danger zone because I'm as pure as a mountain stream in Alaska." Every fan is all ready to get their hopes and throw them right into this awesome blossoming relationship but noooo... Will went skipping off into "writer confusion" and tried to mate with Idina Menzel. (Idina and Cheno... he was about to have more Witch in him than a Wiccan). And thus we go from that to an episode about how Emma wants to be like Madonna and bone Will because she wants to shake her fist at Feminism (or because Sue called her a Geisha and a Panda?) Then she finds out Will was "supposedly" slapping his meat into more buns than a New York hot dog vendor and threw the brakes on what little romance they had. HEAVY SIGH. THEN EMMA GOES MISSING. The Smurfs took her hostage and with them any hope for her ever having a speaking/leading role on Glee again.
Then out of nowhere the finale and a few spontaneous scenes that had no context because Emma had been more elusive than Bigfoot for the 6 episodes beforehand. She mentions some yet-to-be-seen dentist boyfriend and the writers score a point in the "sad attempt at avoiding emotional discovery of a character by attaching them to another extraneous dude so they can continue to enrage the fanbase at how little they care about the quality of their writing"
Will: I'm just gonna stand over here and pretend I have motivation behind my actions. Also I love you Emma... And even though I've had ample opportunity to tell you I didn't actually bone April Rhodes or Shelby Cockroach, I'm going to let Rachel cockblock us so I can go get my touching tribute. Season 2
She Wasn't in it...
JK. (only sort of)
Emma: Oh look I'm "So" happy with my new boyfriend, Look at me get in his car with no roof... Look we go to RHPS together... Green and Red grapes go together like fucking Christmas lights! yay... wait maybe I want to bone Will... I did scratch his nipple and tell him to toucha touch me before running away surrounded by a crotch fog that could rival the haze over a Scottish moor... but Ohhh No I wore a BEAUTIFUL Kate Spade coat and kissed him on the cheek near the bus full of students and then whimpered as I walked away... but screw dealing with emotions I'm just going to go through the marriage drive thru with Carl (who was still technically married to Aunt Becky!)
Look I even got a toy in my happy meal... it's called sadness and it comes in 4 different colors: Gwyneth Paltrow, OCD, April Rhodes, and completely irrelevant Broadway dreams that were pulled from the ass of some magical hare (COUGH Ryan Murphy COUGH)
(My Rant has more substance than the entirety of Wemma in season 2)
Emma got a quickie... divorce that is as there was no boning whatsoever in Season 2 unless you count the glee kids who mixed partners more times than a couple of Swingers at a 1970's orgy). Wemma shared some grapes and hung up some shirts with cheap Ikea hangers and then because we were all good little girls and boys we got 6 seconds in the season finale where we were left for 3 months with the notion of them being a couple... YAY? Season 3
In the dictionary under the word "Circle Jerk" you will find the entirety of season 3 of Glee. Here's what you missed on glee... nothing because the story lines were as sporadic as a starving Ethiopian child's bowel movements.
* their bedroom alarm goes off* Will rolls over in bed "OMG YOU LIVE HERE TOO AWESOME CUZ I HAVE MORNING WOOD"... so yah know we're dealing with that and the feels that come along with Will announcing he has a boner.
In 3 seconds we are to ascertain that they now live together... they went from banners in hallways to sharing the bathroom crossword puzzle, but please all you new writers don't bore me with the garish details of their reuniting or even how they managed to move in together in the span of like 8-12 weeks. GOD FORBID there be any explanation of ANY actions whatsoever.
Asian F... I'll leave you alone only because you made me cry, and I love Donnie Most in an unhealthy old man way.
but then it was as if God had sent the second flood and Noah forgot to pack the Will and Emma onto the ship. They disappeared into the ether for a hot spell but then...
The writers did a quick U-Turn and flipped the boat around to offer diamonds and promises of H2O filled forevers. But even this was a slap across the face with a wet fish as the pinnacle moment of the episode, in which the main focus was a Wemma proposal, became overshadowed by the harrowing tale of high school love and a proposal worthy of 16 and Pregnant. great.
The joy of seeing them together rocked... for the .00000002 seconds it lasted onscreen. Mostly it just plays to the fodder in our minds that drabbles out stories of what could have been or should have been (read this as Fanfiction.net) as we all sit mind numbingly by waiting for word on whether or not the writers plan to fuck up, feature or back burner the once so beloved couple we bite our nails hoping that Ryan Murphy suddenly grows a soul.
Ladies and Gentlemen that has been Wemma through the seasons via me.
