Icarus_redwings

Going to therapy in a new fit and my stuffed animal. No one can match my confidence in this place. My therapist will throw hands if you make fun of my dog and elaborate outfit.

I got new boots, new roots, and new problems, move it or loose it.

Sing it Nancy!

The radio playing Bye bye bye by NSYNC while leaving therapy in my Honda Odyssey is therapeutic in itself.

I can't make this shit up. This country is whipped.

"Is anybody going to match my freak?"

No, They're "Can you SURVIVE my freak?"

Im sorry your friends never understood you or saw any of your true potential. Im sorry that you've felt so neglected and are so untrusting that you have to resort to healing yourself with yourself because no one else is trustworthy enough not to hurt you. Im very proud of all the acomplishments you've ever had, and whatever you decide to do with your life will be good enough. In fact, im proud of you for simply existing. Im sorry you are so lonely and so afraid of being hurt that you resort to befriending yourself because who else would want to be friends with you?

I would. Because you are brilliant and intelligent, strong, brave, and incredible. You all inspire me so much to better myself every day. ❤️

Im sorry if you cant yet feel the same way about yourself but if you relate, just know that I see you and I can see your progress. Keep going!

Im not sorry however- for this call out post.

Fourteen absolutely isn't Ten and Fourteen is definitely Ten.

Fourteen is definitely Ten but he's all Five and Eight and Thirteen and the War Doctor. Because the Doctor is always the Doctor. Same soul, same memories (more or less), same history, and same love for all of his friends and companions. Fourteen was delighted to see Mel again and hugged her tight because Fourteen is also Six and Seven. He mentioned the Brig because Fourteen is also Two and Three and Four.

But, while he has the face, body, and many mannerisms as Ten, he's not Ten. He's more expressive of his emotions, he doubts himself more. And he's lived so much longer, had so much more happen to him.

We are and are not the person we were when we were younger.

And sometimes? We repeat ourselves. But thats okay. Its part of growth.

Sometimes, 9 and 15 are closer then 10 and 14 are. Sometimes 1 is nothing like 4 but 4 is like 12. With progress comes trial. With trial comes regression. With regression comes triumph. With triumph comes progress.

As someone whos been going to therapy for over 10 years I am currently making an effort to relive the parts of me that never were allowed at the time they were present. And you know what? Ive grown a ton from that. When I was 16 I wasnt allowed to act 16. And no by that I don't mean sex and drugs and parties, I mean the immaturity of creativity. I wasnt allowed to create or play. I was forced to move forward as fast as possible because "thats what adults do" despite the fact I wasnt yet an adult. Legally you turn an adult at 18 but theres some days I feel like ill never be "an adult" despite being in my 20+s. Inside I didnt FEEL 20+ because I never let 16 exist.

To live is to BE. And if playing with action figures, drawing silly dogs, and bingwatching "an annoying kids show" is BEING?

Then so be it.

Because now I actually FEEL 20+.

I don't know if this is going to make sense for anyone else or if I sound like a lunatic but i hope if anyone else resonates with this, finds the ability to BE sometime in the future when its safe to do so.

Thank you 14. For showing many of us that regression can be a good thing. Because its needed for growth.

You get it.

Damn right I do.

Fourteen absolutely isn't Ten and Fourteen is definitely Ten.

Fourteen is definitely Ten but he's all Five and Eight and Thirteen and the War Doctor. Because the Doctor is always the Doctor. Same soul, same memories (more or less), same history, and same love for all of his friends and companions. Fourteen was delighted to see Mel again and hugged her tight because Fourteen is also Six and Seven. He mentioned the Brig because Fourteen is also Two and Three and Four.

But, while he has the face, body, and many mannerisms as Ten, he's not Ten. He's more expressive of his emotions, he doubts himself more. And he's lived so much longer, had so much more happen to him.

We are and are not the person we were when we were younger.

And sometimes? We repeat ourselves. But thats okay. Its part of growth.

Sometimes, 9 and 15 are closer then 10 and 14 are. Sometimes 1 is nothing like 4 but 4 is like 12. With progress comes trial. With trial comes regression. With regression comes triumph. With triumph comes progress.

As someone whos been going to therapy for over 10 years I am currently making an effort to relive the parts of me that never were allowed at the time they were present. And you know what? Ive grown a ton from that. When I was 16 I wasnt allowed to act 16. And no by that I don't mean sex and drugs and parties, I mean the immaturity of creativity. I wasnt allowed to create or play. I was forced to move forward as fast as possible because "thats what adults do" despite the fact I wasnt yet an adult. Legally you turn an adult at 18 but theres some days I feel like ill never be "an adult" despite being in my 20+s. Inside I didnt FEEL 20+ because I never let 16 exist.

To live is to BE. And if playing with action figures, drawing silly dogs, and bingwatching "an annoying kids show" is BEING?

Then so be it.

Because now I actually FEEL 20+.

I don't know if this is going to make sense for anyone else or if I sound like a lunatic but i hope if anyone else resonates with this, finds the ability to BE sometime in the future when its safe to do so.

Thank you 14. For showing many of us that regression can be a good thing. Because its needed for growth.