Tauriel: My King, you do realize there is more to life than power and beauty.
Thranduil: I know that, Tauriel. I was born powerful and beautiful. All the other things I got as gifts.
Tauriel: You sent for me, My King.
Thranduil: Yes. I have made a decision.
Tauriel: What would that be?
Thranduil: I’ve decided to give you to Arwen and Aragorn as a wedding gift.
Elrond: Oh, boy. And Thranduil wonders why everyone drinks so much whenever he is around.
Tauriel: Pleasant evening, My King.
Thranduil: So it is. What do you want?
Tauriel: Oh, nothing really. I was just thinking...
Thranduil: I do not pay you to think, Tauriel.
Tauriel: You do not pay me at all.
Thranduil: Well then, stop thinking so I do not have to think about paying you to do it.
Tauriel: My King, I wanted to ask you a question.
Thranduil: Go on.
Tauriel: It is about Legolas.
Thranduil: What about him?
Tauriel: Well, he has been acting rather strange lately. I was wondering if you knew why, Your Majesty?
Thranduil: Legolas? Acting strange? I thought for sure you would know.
Tauriel: No, I am afraid not.
Thranduil: He is going through what all young elven men go through at his age. It is natural, trust me.
Tauriel: What is he going through, if I may ask?
Thranduil: Do I have to spell everything out for you people? He wants to get laid. I swear, grow up already.
There is no love in you.
How dare you!! I have plenty of love. I love my hair. I love my wardrobe. I love the way I look when the sun hits me at just the right angle on a crisp summer day--or any day, really. I am extraordinarily lovely in any light. Even Galadriel who I just learned has gone LCD which is energy efficient.
Tauriel: Are you not worried about Legolas?
Thranduil: Why is it any of your concern?
Tauriel: He lacks social skills to get along in this world. I am afraid he is rather awkward, Your Majesty.
Thranduil: My son is not awkward, Tauriel. I can assure you Legolas is quite socially capable. He is a Prince of Mirkwood.
Thranduil: Okay, so we’ll work on that.
I don’t want to know how long that was.
Thranduil: Make it quick, Legolas. I have another wardrobe change in five minutes.
Legolas: Why so many?
Thranduil: Have you seen me? I know it’s dark in here, but really, you should know I am spectacular by now.
Thranduil: Did you want something, Tauriel? Make it quick. I have been magnanimous all day and I would like to rest before I do it again.
Tauriel: Uh, well, it is about Legolas...
Thranduil: I would never allow such a pairing. Neither of you have a sense of style and you both seem to have a thing for dwarves. I think we are finished here.
Thranduil: Tauriel, good to see you. Just the elf I wanted to see.
Tauriel: Yes, My King?
Thranduil: I was just curious as to why you are here?