Jaynaé Marie

That’s what I call a feast.

Thorin: Thranduil! Give Peter back his set! Just not my mountain. Remember our deal.

Thranduil: Are you joking? Like was that supposed to be funny as in “ha ha” or as in “giggle tee hee”? As you can see, Thorin, based on my expression, I am finding all of this “laughing my ass off funny” right about now. Never give a very tall blond elf with a killer wardrobe, a mean streak and more fangirls than his son deadly weapons and ask for the set back! Are you nuts, man?

Legolas: You do not have more fangirls than I do, Dad.

Thranduil: Wanna bet on it, Junior?

Elrond: Snap.

Lindir: I’m in on this one.

PJ: I need my set back, Bilbo.

Bilbo: Okay. You’re the director. Go get it.

PJ: But I don’t know who I gave it to.

Bilbo: Lee.

PJ: Lee?

Bilbo: Yes. Lee Pace. He’s the tall blonde guy. Really quite tall.

PJ: So why does he keep saying he’s Thranduil?

Bilbo: Because he is Thranduil.

PJ: I thought you said he was Lee.

Bilbo: Are you on some form of medication?

PJ: Do you know Lee?

Thorin: Yes. Lee Pace. Tall blonde. Rather tall.

PJ: The tall blonde? That’s not what he says.

Thorin: What does he say?

PJ: He says he’s Thranduil.

Thorin: He is Thranduil. Like I am Thorin.

PJ: Then where’s Richard?

Thorin: Are you on some form of medication?

PJ: I want this done once and for all.

Legolas: Cool.

Bard: Absolutely.

PJ: No fooling around.

Legolas: Nope.

Bard: Got it.

PJ: Where is Richard?

Legolas: Huh? Richard Armitage? You were just with him, weren’t you?

PJ: I was with Thorin. He won’t tell me where Lee is and neither will Thranduil.

Bard: Uh, okay. Richard is Thorin. Lee is Thranduil.

Legolas: And he is Luke and I am Orlando.

PJ: Then where is Legolas and Bard?

Bard: Are you on some form of medication?

Legolas: You are illin’ dude.

PJ: You are Lee?

Thranduil: Yes.

PJ: Lee Pace?

Thranduil: I am pretty sure I’m Lee Pace.

PJ: Did you take my set?

Thranduil: No. Why would I do that?

PJ: Because you asked me for it.

Thranduil: No, I didn’t. That was Thranduil.

PJ: Thranduil?

Thranduil: Yes.

PJ: Where is Thranduil?

Thranduil: Speaking.

PJ: I thought you were Lee.

Thranduil: Are you on some form of medication?

Fíli: Hey.

Kíli: Sunday, you get to find out the name of our father. That will be interesting.

Fíli: On Father’s Day.

Kíli: You wonder why no one ever mentioned him before now?

Fíli: It’s not in the book or the script.

Kíli: That depresses me.

Fíli: It does, Kíli? I never knew.

Kíli: Knew what?

Fíli: Not knowing our father depressed you.

Kíli: I was talking about the script.

Thorin: Why does Kíli look so much like me?

Kíli: I don’t believe it.

Fíli: I know.

Ori: How is that possible?

Dori: I can’t say. I’ve never seen it before.

Thorin: And that’s how we got thrown into the dungeons, boys. Dwalin.

Bard: That was really dumb.

There were a lot of tongues used in the making of this trilogy.

None more than Thranduil’s, I can imagine. (@peonies-and-poppies).

Shut up, Thorin. They’re tongue twisters [Giggles suspiciously]

The guy in the red shirt is talking.

I told you he was a dwarf, Gandalf.

You said Hobbit, Thorin.

I changed my mind. He doesn’t flip off the camera enough.

[Stand very still].

Let me guess. A stare down?

Lindir: We have no idea what their doing. We don’t have a pun for everything. Though, they might just be standing around each other.

Elrond: It looks like Thorin is standing up to Thranduil.

Lindir: Or Thranduil is looking down on him.

Elrond: Yeah, he is pretty tall. That was a good one.

Kíli: Yes. That is all elves do around here. Just stand around cracking jokes at us poor defenseless dwarves.

Fíli: You can help us. For only 19 cents a day, you can keep me and Kíli away from elven cruelty. Help save a defenseless dwarf today.

I don’t know any of those people.

I am the King of the Mountain. You don’t get any more majestic than me. I make this look so awesome.

Okay, Your Majesty. You couldn’t even get out from under my mountain without an invisible burglar that flips off the camera every chance he gets. Explain that one, oh, Majestic one.

Glóin: [What the heck is with our burglar?]

Gandalf: He got you there, Thorin.

Thorin: Touché, Gandalf. Touché.

Thranduil: You are going to stand here and tell me that a tall wizard dressed in grey named Gandalf just left you to wander through the borders of my kingdom alone? I should have you thrown in my dungeon for saying that! How stupid do you think I am? What sort of wizard starts a journey and then just happens to wander away for no reason whatsoever without saying where he is going? What sort of wizard just continuously disappears at the exact moment when trouble is about to begin then magically returns at the last minute to save you? And he has giant eagles that come at his command? Why did he not just fly you over Mirkwood to begin with? Tell me, Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thráin and I might let you leave! Who is this wandering wizard named Gandalf of which you speak?

He only knows me as Mithrandir. That’s why I never go into Mirkwood with anyone who knows me as Gandalf.

Where does it say I have to come back again?

Chapter 16. Do not worry. You have centuries before you see me again, though I wish I could torture Thorin sooner.

I just had a thought..I am rich. I could pay Smaug to go to Mirkwood. Hmm..

Wait, what? Now? I asked you that several posts ago. I just burned down Laketown for no REASON?

Hmmm..kill Smaug or let him burn down Mirkwood? No, better to just kill him. He’ll just come back. I can deal with Thranduil. He is far less hotter than Smaug.

[I hate all of them.]

I am starting to like Bard.

What are they doing?

They are having a stand-off. Thorin and Thranduil are having a stand-off.

I won.

Whatever.

Happy Birthday to ME...I only live forever!

Yeah, son. [Should have stuck with that tree story].

I only have nephews, Thranduil. I almost feel sorry for you. Almost. Happy Birthday, Legolas.

Blondes have more fun. HB, LLT.

Happy Birthday Dance from Bombur.

Brunettes have more fun, Brother. Bombur, man. Stay away from the mushrooms. Happy Birthday, Elf-man.

I wonder if this thing works on dancing dwarves...never mind. Happy B-Day. Legolas.

Oh, come on, Gandalf. You know how to do the Bombur.

I am afraid I might break something, Elrond. Happy Birthday, Legolas.

Yes, best wishes from Rivendell, Legolas.

Bilbo Birthday Salute. Happy Birthday, Legolas.

PJ: Why’s the dwarf dancing? Never mind, don’t want to know. Okay, first of all, Happy Birthday for some weird reason I won’t get into. Secondly, are you Legolas?

Legolas: Thank you and yes. I am Legolas. Thranduil is my father.

PJ: Okay. TMI. Are you Bard?

Bard: Yes. I am Bard. I am also Girion, King of Dale, 2770.

PJ: Don’t confuse me. You have three kids, yes?

Bard: Yeah. Bain is the boy. Two girls.

PJ: Good, so there are no pirates here?

Legolas: No. That was another movie. I was Will Turner.

Bard: Liked your work in that, Orlando.

Legolas: Thanks, Luke.

PJ: We are shooting in New Zealand.

Legolas: I know, PJ. I’m Orlando. He’s Luke. We were twins separated at birth that you just happened to hire to work on the same film trilogy and you can’t tell us apart. Ask our dad, Lee. You hired him, too. Don’t interrupt his caffeine fix, though.

PJ: Who’s Lee?

I have no idea. [Giggles through entire trilogy]

Burn Factor: Legolas and the guy that does stuff.

[OMG]

For my blog...[still giggling]

Reblogged. Twice.

Lindir started a Facebook page..

I did not. I started a Twitter feed. You started Facebook.

Oh, right.

I used Tumblr...

[Thorin Fighting]

Yeah, I don’t know what he’s trying to do, either.

Fíli: [We have to go on an unexpected journey with him. Shut up.]

[Chews gum...’how awesome am I’...swish, swish]

Swing and a miss.