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#a guy writing this stuff down – @iamjaynaemarie on Tumblr
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Jaynaé Marie

@iamjaynaemarie / iamjaynaemarie.tumblr.com

I am the author of "The Kingdom of the Woodland Realm Trilogy". I completed Book II: The Saga of Thranduil (two versions). I am currently on Book I: The Epic of Eryn Galen and Book III: The Last Tale of Legolas Lasgalen © 2015-2018.
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PJ: Elrond, why was Loki on the set?

Elrond: Loki Laufeyson? The God of Mischief?

PJ: Yes. And Haldir. Remember him, yes?

Elrond: I’m Elrond. Of course I remember him.

PJ: Do you know anything about this?

Elrond: Yes.

PJ: Would you like to tell me?

Elrond: No.

Lindir: Why didn’t you tell him?

Elrond: I’m still holding out on the wet bar. But Thranduil was like “Why don't you ASK me about my book..while you wait,” because the idiot didn’t get the subtle look of an pissed off elf. I mean, you’ve seen Thranduil when he’s mad.

Lindir: Frightening.

Elrond: I know, right? He isn’t even trying to hold back. So he goes into a furious rage--I mean, it was messed up, man. I mean, this idiot thought Loki was related to Legolas! Are you kidding me? Totally different franchise, time periods, dude. Like this cat never read like the Poem Edda or something.

Lindir: Doesn’t sound like it.

Elrond: Lindir, idiots don’t read. If they did, they wouldn’t be idiots. So anyway, he just tore into this guy. Ballistic, man. Full on Thranduil. Wah, wah..I did this and I did that and Tolkien’s like one or the 20th Centuries greatest writers...oh, then went into Elvish. I was like dying, man. He got a comic book following him...etc. etc..and the guy went dark for an hour!

Lindir: What happened then?

Elrond: Oh, now he knows..he was like “Lord of the Rings”. Like, Thranduil is in the Hobbit! Are you serious? I mention him on page 240 though. Anyway, Thranduil finally calmed down enough to use a lot of large words to confuse him some more--subtle isn’t his thing. He told Bilbo, right. Never tell Bilbo anything, you know that otherwise he’ll hang out over here all day. Gandalf and short people. Crazy.

Lindir: So that’s why Loki was here?

Elrond: Oh, no. He was on the other end of a phone call while Thorin was talking or something. Sherlock got all investigative and nosey. What a drama queen.

Sherlock: I am not a Drama Queen. Watson, stop saying that.

Watson: If you were any more a drama queen, you’d be Rupaul. You are and always have been in my professional and personal opinion a drama queen. Thank you for Loki.

Loki: So I’m on the phone with Thor and there is this out of control static coming through and I realized it was Sherlock being rather nosey as he will be at times. And somehow I got connected to Thorin Oakenshield. How that happened, I do not know. I hear all this chattering in the background and wouldn’t you know it? It was Bilbo saying that someone thought I was related to Legolas. I mean, real fans may twist a tale but it is an absolute sin to not know your fandoms. They will murder you and send you packing to murky crevice out from which you crawl. Well, I suppose I had to do something. If I didn’t, well, you know Legolas. Hard to shut him up once he gets started. So I went over to Middle Earth. I would have brought Will Turner and some pirates but there was a dog situation in Australia going on there. I got lost and ended up in Lothlórien, you know where Galadriel lives with Celeborn. Just so happens, Arwen was there with Aragorn and they kindly pointed me toward Rivendell. Halfway there, I met with two rather interesting characters. Kíli and Fíli, Thorin’s nephews, you know. They were lost themselves which did not shock me in the least, I might say. Anyway, we all ended up on the Eastern shore of Anduin where we just happened to run into a number of elven warriors answering a call from Thranduil. Well you can never not answer the call of the Elvenking of Mirkwood. He would have you thrown into his labyrinthian dungeons and your only means of escape would be by barrel down a river into Esgaroth or Laketown as it were. So, we met him and he explained the situation and we were off to rid the world of a person who apparently does not know fandoms or literature all that well. I can imagine the God of Mischief and well armed elven soldiers from every corner of Middle Earth would frighten him into a bookstore. Perhaps I’ll see him at Comicon come next. You cannot make this stuff up. Well, I suppose you could. Why not? I know this person figured out that I am not related to Legolas. The hard way, of course but he learned. Never mess with fans and their fandoms. Let that be a lesson to you. Especially fangirls. Mine are rather controllable, but Thranduil’s you might just have a bit of trouble with on occasion.

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