Jaynaé Marie

Legolas: Dad, that was unnecessary.

Thranduil: What are you talking about?

Legolas: That seductive smile thing you always do.

Thranduil: Yes, son, it was necessary. Everything I do is necessary. There is nothing I’ve ever done in my life that wasn’t necessary.

Legolas: Was it necessary to lock up a company of dwarves over a dinner party?

Thranduil: Not necessarily. I just wanted to. Like when I made love to your mother. I just wanted to but I was not necessarily expecting you to show up nine months later.

Legolas: You are unbelievable.

Thranduil: That’s what your mother said.

Thranduil: How many times have I told you not to leave dead orcs lying around on the throne room floor?

Legolas: Dad, you just killed it.

Thranduil: Quiet, I’m parenting. How many times?

Legolas: Once. Just now.

Thranduil: Well, don’t make me repeat it.

Legolas: Repeat what?

Thranduil: How many times have I told you not to leave dead orcs lying around on the throne room floor?

Legolas: Twice.

Thranduil: I thought so. Don’t do it again.

Legolas: Dad, would you say people like you because of your looks or like you because of your personality?

Thranduil: Both.

Legolas: Dad?

Thranduil: Yes, son? 

Legolas: Are you feeling okay?

Thranduil: How do you mean?

Legolas: You’re being nice.

Thranduil: I’m always nice.

Legolas: Since when?

Thranduil: Legolas, I am the King of Mirkwood. I am always nice. I dress nice. I look nice. My hair is nice. I have a nice throne. I have nice servants. This is a nice cave. It has nice lighting. I have a nice son--when he’s not annoying me. How more nice can I be?

Legolas: You threw a company of dwarves in a dungeon over a dinner party.

Thranduil: I did it nicely.

Thranduil: You are my son and I love you very much.

Legolas: I don’t want to know.

Thranduil: Know what?

Legolas: What you did this time. You always do something.

Thranduil: Legolas, of course I always do something. I’m the king of this realm. I do a lot of things. It’s my job.

Legolas: Dad, all you do is walk around the palace all day, talk down to people and change clothes every fifteen minutes.

Thranduil: Walking is exercise, everyone is shorter than me and I’m way too beautiful for just one color scheme, son. I am obligated as the King of Mirkwood to dress better than everyone else in the world.

Legolas: Dad?

Thranduil: No.

Legolas: You don’t even know what...

Thranduil: No.

Legolas: Dad?

Thranduil: What?

Legolas: Can I..

Thranduil: No.

Legolas: What are you doing?

Thranduil: Why is my Pokémon in Rivendell?

Elrond: Gandalf, what do you know about this?

Gandalf: You know Thranduil. Always doing something.

Elrond: Oh. I hadn’t noticed.

Legolas: Dad?

Thranduil: What?

Legolas: What did you do?

Thranduil: Nothing.

Legolas: Dad?

Thranduil: Son, you somehow seem to think that I am some sort of tyrannical yet well coiffed and immaculately dressed ruler of an exiled kingdom of elves that defy the laws of physics and reality and lives for the thrill of scaring the living daylights out of anyone who offends me.

Legolas: You killed 50 orcs in less than a minute over an elk.

Thranduil: Never mess with my ride. That is sacred.

Thranduil: I have good news and bad news, son.

Legolas: Good news first.

Thranduil: I think I should start with the bad news first.

Legolas: Okay, Dad. What is the bad news?

Thranduil: The bad news is that you are going away on a Fellowship and I will miss you terribly.

Legolas: I will miss you as well, Dad. But I will come back. So what’s the good news?

Thranduil: The good news is that you are going away on a Fellowship. What do you mean you’re coming back? You haven’t even left yet!

Oh, nothing...just watching Thranduil walk away..Such a beautiful sight, isn’t it?

Thranduil: That is how you leave a room, son.

Legolas: How do you enter one?

Thranduil: I don’t know. I’m usually already there when everyone arrives to gaze upon my brilliance. I should try that at least once. I’ll put it on my bucket list of things to do before the end of time.

Thranduil: Legolas, what have I told you?

Legolas: What do you mean?

Thranduil: How many times have I told you to put on something other than whatever that is?

Legolas: All the time, but I’m working so I wear this.

Thranduil: Son, you must be the hardest working elf in Arda because you wear the same thing so much, I don’t even know when your day off is anymore.

Legolas: Yesterday was my day off.

Thranduil: And you wore what?

Legolas: I see your point.

Thranduil: Seeing is believing, Legolas. I’d like to see you in something other than earth colors. I believe you have something else in your closet other than whatever that is. We only live in an enchanted forest overrun by orcs and giant spiders. We don’t have to dress like we do.

Thranduil: Where did I go wrong?

Legolas: What do you mean?

Thranduil: Get a girlfriend already, son.

Thranduil: I have some fatherly advise to give to you, son.

Legolas: Sure, Dad. What is it?

Thranduil: This world is full of horrific things. You will see many things that will frighten you, but always remember where you came from to find your strength.

Legolas: Thank you, Dad. What things might I see out there?

Thranduil: Not everyone in this world you will meet know how to dress. They mix dots with stripes, silks with polyester....Greens with orange....I can hardly speak of the unimaginable and unspeakable horrors beyond these walls. I need a moment to calm down...

Thranduil: Can you take charge of the kingdom for a while? I need a break.

Legolas: Sure, Dad. Are you sick or something?

Thranduil: No, I’m fine, son. I just need a break.

Legolas: From what?

Thranduil: It is exhausting being devastatingly handsome day in and day out. Sometimes I need just veg out and just be overwhelmingly good looking for a while.

Legolas and Thranduil...Father and son..

Thranduil: You could have at least tried to look happy. You were dressed like a Prince of the Realm should be dressed.

Legolas: I prefer my fighting clothes, Dad.

Thranduil: And I prefer cotton to polyester. We can’t always get what we want in life, son.

Legolas: Dad?

Thranduil: No. [Got to catch them all..]

Legolas’ Face Bombs.

Thranduil: You just can’t help yourself, can you? You just have to face bomb.

Thranduil: Well, it’s almost that time of the year again.

Legolas: What time of the year? It’s summer.

Thranduil: Legolas, while the rest of the elves in this world celebrate six seasons, I have added a seventh one for Mirkwood.

Legolas: A seventh season?

Thranduil: Yes, It’s called Me Time. That is that magical time of the year that falls between whenever I want it and whenever I need it. This year it is coming earlier than usual due to global warming.

Legolas: What does that mean?

Thranduil: It means I have the slight tendency to heat up the atmosphere around Me Time because I am closer to the things I want to do by myself.