nec spe, nec metu

For the past like two months I always woke up very late whatever I did and I was going crazy and blaming myself because i'm lazy and I thought that's just my life and I'll never be able to wake up at like 5am ever again and I'm a failure.

But the weather is changing and I am waking up very early and the last two month I was able to rest enough that my body is capable of waking up earlier and i'm not a failure just needed rest. And also adapting to the changes in the weather and the longer nights.

So I realized that I was pushing myself and cursing myself for something that was never a constant thing, but momentary, and at that time was crucial for my own good. My body knew better, and I should listen to it more.

The only reason I will go to college today is bc I have cute new boots and I want to show them off. Otherwise I would go back to sleep immediately

I saw the Last Christmas movie with Emilia Clarke and Henry Golding

Excuse me but I wanted some silly-willy romcom with George Michael songs and some fairly lights on christmas trees. But noooooo. You know what I have? A heartache. A fucking depression. How am I suppose to sing Last Chirstmas now? With a thousand tissue? With a therapist by my side?? Hello??!

Pov: Dark academia winter but you have friends

Christmas is just another day of the year. December is just another month of the year. December does not have any magical power. People romanticised december and christmas, and now we think, that this time of the year supposed to be the most beautiful, romantic, happily-running-in-the-snow-falling-in-love-eating-all-the-beautifully-made-christmas-food time of the year. All the christmas music, that's all about happiness and kissing under the mistletoe, is just wrong. We grow up having huge expectations, and being depressed when it did not happen.

Guess what, life is not like a movie. Expecially not like a christmas movie, and that's fine. Life doesn't change in december, christmas isn't a magical day where everyones problem just dissappear. You don't have to feel happy, you don't have to change your ways, you don't have to love your family, you don't have to found love, you don't have to enjoy this time of the year. It's just a day, that gotten tangled in the web of expectations and fals advertising. Just be you, abd do the thing that YOU want to, even if that has nothing to do with christmas or winter.