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@hydor-soa

SOA or 42 –—– it/its, NO they/them, NO it&/you&
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Honestly not much radicalized me in regards to bodily autonomy the way being a chronic selfharmer for 10+ years has. And one of those things that really are so awful to deal with is a lack of privacy.

When I go inpatient and they ask me if I have wounds, and I answer honestly, they dont just write that down. They make me undress and show each single one, otherwise I wont be "processed" and let into my room.

In the underage psych ward I was in they would sometimes search the rooms of known selfharmers while we were away at a therapy appointment, or seeing family in the visitation room, etc. They wouldn't tell you. They would lie about it if you asked about it. But all your shit had been moved around slightly, enough for observant people to notice. If they found blades, or any other sharp object regardless of it you had used it to selfharm though, you would obviously be punished.

One time I cut and went to the nurses for help, I was scared because it had never been that deep before and their response was tossing my room after I had voluntarily given them the two blades i had, while a male nurse kept saying how uncomfortable he was that he "had to" inspect my pads, saying "why would you need that many", ... they had metal detectors. They could've just swiped it across everything. But that wouldn't have been humiliating enough like seeing a nurse dig through my underwear and pads and diary.

Outside of the psych ward, my family kept up a similar approach. They did not search my room at least, knowing it was futile because there were always knifes in the house if I was desperate anyways, and a store down the street that sold razors. But locked doors were my mothers enemy. If I locked my door to masturbate, and she noticed it was locked? She would knock and yell until I opened it. If I simply wanted to relax in a bath but she decided it was suspiciously long ? The same.

When they couldn't catch me in the act but my scars kept getting more and more theyd threaten me with being hospitalized again.

When the hospital ER would send me to the closed ward for cuts that had nothing to do with suicidal ideation, but they decided I must be lying because it was deep enough, no matter how often I said I simply "messed up" because of adrenaline and blades that were sharper than expected. They had no legal ground to lock me up again but who cares, right. Its just one of those freaks who cuts themselves anyways.

And none of this kept me safe. None of this prevented me from cutting majority of the time. It made me distrust the ER. It made me distrust nurses. It made me hide my body even around my family. And when it did momentarily work I simply started harming myself in other ways. I ended up covered in bruises, with minor concussions, increasingly starving myself, depriving myself of sleep, ...

No one ever went "let's really try to figure out why you do this." Instead they went "why the fuck wont you just chew some bubble gum and roll a spikey ball on the soles of your feet you depressed fuck" or some shit like bro I am being severely traumatized by the world and this is my reaction. It's all "you are the problem".

And as an adult whos decided that I'm not interested in quitting, who "only" practices harm reduction I know that absolutely no one wants to accept that as a choice I should be allowed to make. Doesnt matter that I'm an expert at taking care of wounds and I have not had a single infection in 10+ years aside from once on wounds that got fucking stitched at the hospital. that I actively do my best to avoid lasting damage. That I try to keep the frequency low. They put me through years of surveillance and shame and threats without ever trying to see the root cause, only ever treat me as a bratty problem child who's being difficult just to fuck with them, and can not understand why that wouldn't make me want to stick to the goals they have set for me.

Therapists genuinely lose their mind when I tell them I don't want ~sobriety~ I just want to reduce harm and get on with my life. Their teachings do not allow for this to be but a short term compromise. I do not care.

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auschizm

Like "go exercise, you'll feel so much better once you move your body" doesn't apply to a lot of physically disabled people. And "just force yourself to socialize, you will have fun once you're there" doesn't apply to a lot of autistic people. And "your intuition will always tell you the truth" doesn't apply to a lot of psychotic people. And so on. And I'm not saying that this means that you can't or shouldn't promote these things, but they aren't universal solutions for everyone

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reblogged

Here’s some positivity for autistic systems!

The intersection of plurality and autism is higher than many folks may think! Lots of systems out there find that they are both plural and autistic (our system included)! Autistic systems deserve to be uplifted, celebrated, and accepted into the plural community as they are with open arms. So here’s to all the autistic systems out there!

♾ Shoutout to systems identify as autigenic whose plurality manifested partially or fully as a result of their autism!

🌈 Shoutout to autistic systems with collective or individual special interests, or who sometimes develop new headmates due to their special interests!

✨ Shoutout to autistic systems who are sensory seeking, who stim often or seek out positive, pleasant, or intense sensations!

♾ Shoutout to autistic systems who struggle to express themselves and be understood properly by the people they interact and engage with!

🌈 Shoutout to autistic systems who are sensory avoidant, or who are harmed and distressed by certain sensations!

✨ Shoutout to autistic systems who are nonspeaking, nonverbal, or use AAC, sign language, communication cards, or other tools to effectively communicate!

♾ Shoutout to autistic systems with headmates who are symptom holders or who hold on to some of their particular autistic traits!

🌈 Shoutout to autistic systems who need help from caregivers internally or externally in order to live happy, healthy lives!

✨ Shoutout to autistic systems who often feel lonely and isolated, or who struggle to establish and maintain relationships, either inside or outside their system!

♾ Shoutout to autistic systems who have been traumatized by others in their life attempting to treat or cure their autism, ignoring their autism, or refusing to provide proper accommodations and accessibility!

🌈 Shoutout to systems who are questioning whether or not they are autistic or are aiming to one day self-diagnose!

✨ Shoutout to autistic systems who love their neurodiversity and have embraced it as a part of their collective identity!

♾ Shoutout to autistic systems who are often exhausted from masking their autism, their plurality, or both!

🌈 Shoutout to autistic systems who have unique ways of perceiving, understanding, and engaging with the world!

Autistic systems, you not only belong here in the plural community, but by being here you help make our spaces a better place! We hope that your future is filled with happy memories and pleasant experiences, and you find yourselves surrounded by people who care about you and want to support you! Know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself and expressing yourself in ways that bring you comfort and joy.

We love you, we’re rooting for you, and we’re wishing you the very best in all that you do! We hope that you can find the time to relax today and treat yourself and your system with gentleness and compassion. Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful day!

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reblogged

*finishes 3 hour long movie*

who am i

There’s actuall this really cool thing called ‘Experience-Taking’ that happens when you’re forced to consider events from an alernate point of view! Basically, if you’re reading a story that starts off with a relatable character, you identify them subconsciously as an extension of yourself. Then, as they filter and translate what’s going on around them, you begin to rationalize and think logically around what’s going on as if it’s happening to you. This is especially fascinating as a group of random straight people reading a short story about a gay person who isn’t revealed to be gay until part way through are more accepting of homosexuality in general than a group of random straight people reading the same story, except the character is immediately introduced as gay. By slowing the revelation of potentially alienating details down and allowing the reader to identify with the character, you force the reader to absorb aspects of the character’s personality and life in order to accurately predict and understand other events and characters within the context of the story. To summarize, the reason you feel this way after a good movie or book is the same reason your personality and mannerisms are altered by the book series you’re into- you temporarily adopt that character’s personality, and some aspects of their personality may stick depending on how much you fall into their story and what conclusions you draw based on your judgements.

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shannonwest

I truly felt like I’d been gone 100 years after I came out of seeing interstellar

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reblogged

there should be a socially acceptable way to say "im not sure what to say to that. can you say something different"

people dont get this post they think its a problem of not understanding what the other person said but the thing people seem to not get is that having autism will just rob you of a conversation tree. there is just nothing to be said ever

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higgsboshark

The thing about knitting is it’s much harder to fear the existential futility of all your actions while you’re doing it.

Like ok, sure, sometimes it’s hard to believe you’ve made any positive impact on the world. But it’s pretty easy to believe you’ve made a sock. Look at it. There it is. Put it on, now your foot’s warm.

Checkmate, nihilism.

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cheskamouse

This is a powerful positive message..

I’m literally reading a book right now (Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski) that says this is scientifically sound.

There have been studies done on rats and dogs where they develop learned helplessness in the animals by giving them impossible tasks. Eventually the animals stop trying, even when the task stops being impossible. (I.e. put a rat in a maze with cheese it can’t get to until it develops learned helplessness, then put the cheese somewhere it can get to it and it won’t even try.) But once they show the animals they CAN do something - i.e. physically moving the rat to the cheese - the learned helplessness goes away.

No one can move you to your cheese for you, but the book says DOING something - which they define as “anything that isn’t nothing” can help. Make a food. Work in the garden. Clean a thing. Do a favor for a friend. Call your elected officials.

Knit a sock.

If you feel overwhelmed by existential despair, do something. It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be anything that isn’t nothing.

This is really good advice for ADHD people because when executive dysfunction gets bad it’s easy to fall into this pattern of thinking. Do just one thing. It doesn’t have to be your homework, or a chore. It can be something small, it can be something you enjoy. But do just one thing to remind yourself that you can.

This is what “humans want to be productive” really means

We want to make things. We want to do something and at the end of the process see that something has changed. We want physical proof that we did something. We want to be able to point at something and say “I made this”. We want to be creators

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reblogged

Hi hello narcissists and friends, Ive just discovered june 1st is 'World narcissistic abuse awareness day' I propose we be horribly horribly annoying on this day and make it to spread awareness on how narcissistic abuse isnt real

I think we can ruin an ableists day if we try hard enough whos with me

I love this. I encourage everyone to speak out the one type of narcissistic abuse that IS real - that is, when pwNPD get abused. Whether it be abuse that caused the NPD, or the abuse that narcissists face medically or personally or otherwise due to our NPD.

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shout out to all my fellow autistic (and non-autistic) folks who are big on wording and semantics because they take everything literally .

but when people notice or when they tell people then they only get upset at them and see a stubborn master manipulator working loopholes easier than they breathe and refusing to take responsibility for their own shortcomings by outlining everyone else's.

they're wrong about you.

you're not stubborn.

you're not manipulative.

you're not finding loopholes in the simple request of "you told me to unload the dishwasher, not put the dishes away. the dishes on the counter are not in the dishwasher."

you are different from the socially accepted norm, and that is okay.

you are being different and communicating that you're different and informing people how they can avoid this interpersonal complication and that is perfectly reasonable.

keep going on.

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