every friend group has:

big tiddy identity crisis

sweet but no brain

omnipotent god

wine step mom

encyclopedia bitch

the one with goals

unbridled rage

✨rich✨

franky

save the turtles

one piece characters as things my friends have said part 3 million

one piece characters in fe3h

im basically just doing this for myself because i love merging things i love together and creating an even bigger dumpster fire 

luffy: do u know how hard luffy would turn the Fuck up with the golden deer house???? especially since claude would readily sell his soul just to have a baller feast????? sabo and ace found jobless this is claude’s brother now

zoro: would miss the entire war because he wouldnt be able to find his way around the monastery. sylvain and lorenz found dead in miami. Too Many Green Haired People, Call This A Family Reunion. intense stare offs with felix from across the training grounds because......”ah, you too are a man of the blade” 

usopp: did u say.......artsy sniper???????? cut to usopp and ignatz creating chalk masterpieces all throughout the monastery and giggling to each other about wild mysteries that lie within the library. please watch out tho cause luffy and usopp and claude would create the most disastrous schemes together 

chopper: UHHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE CHOPPER AND DEDUE WOULD B SO.....so pure together.....this Tough Kind Quiet Misunderstood Big Lad with a knack for gardening and a Little Dude......jus gardening together in the greenhouse. chefs kiss. add robin to the mix and u got urself the Best trio 

sabo: did u say emotionally stunted blond boys????? yes. find sabo and dimitri crammed in the library plotting the downfall of their enemies. giggling to each other. but also. cut to claude and sabo combining brainpower to make the most intense game plan of all time!!! and i feel like he would definitely have a soft friendship with marianne and i think that’s neat. a weird but fitting friendship with seteth as well. sabo KNOWS this man’s secret and will call him by his Real name just to get a reaction

sanji: Battle On The Quad At 3: Sanji VS Sylvain VS Lorenz. loves raphael bc raph will eat Anything he gives him. too many green haired folk on campus call the exterminator

zoro’s gonna have a FIELD DAY when he sees sanji’s raid suit he’s gonna call him “the bee movie” and bribe the marines to change every bounty poster to

ok since im trash for au’s i just thought about a modern one piece au kind of set like that older cartoon 6teen with the group of friends who all work at the mall and stuff and just hear me out here

law’s got a job at this really up & coming coffee place. he’s convinced all of his coworkers are absolutely insane because they always talk about “vibes”. “work vibes!” “caffeine vibes!” “love this vibe ugh”. law hates his job so much. so much. but he’s a talented barista and has never fucked up a drink so he’s got that going for him. he likes to tell the friend group that his coworkers snort cocaine before shifts

usopp works in a video game store and has a blast with it. really likes to impress customers by acting like he knows what every game is about (but really he doesn’t). best thing ab his job is the employee discount. every day on his break he just brings several obscure games to the friend group’s table and auctions them off. like these games are WEIRD as shit. it’s always luffy who gets his hands on them

zoro? sports store. are we surprised? not at all. fucking terrible employee. no one knows how he still has the job. doesn’t know what’s going on ever. sleeps in the storage room. claims every customer he deals with has 0 brain cells. can’t find his way around the mall for the life of him so he always rolls in late. nami says his boss probably keeps him around just bc of the heavy lifting tasks

luffy can’t ever hold a job longer than a week so he bounces across the mall from job to job. mostly kiosk things. he’s great at selling things and getting people’s attention, but he’s just. so chaotic. unintentionally steals the weird things they sell in kiosks and just dumps a whole pile of it in front of The Group at break. nami’s proud of it. most times luffy’s fired is because he forgets about his own shift because he just goes and sits in with usopp in the video game store, or law, or zoro, ace, literally everyone

ace works in a small music store. the store itself isn’t really ever that busy but that’s a blessing for him. he loves him some music but his store mostly sells “shitty” music so that’s always a common complaint the group hears. his coworker is a country music demon. nightmare fuel. ace is quite the lazy employee but he makes it work. definition of fake it til u make it. probably didn’t hear a single thing u just said to him

sabo works in some store equivalent to like. build a bear. his uniform is awful. like the circus threw up on him. he’s constantly on the brink of an aneurysm because his coworkers “are so dumb it’s unbelievable”. but he doesn’t have that much room to talk bc he’s quite the dumbass himself. good worker, just easily overwhelmed and a bit snippy. runs shifts on 2 hours of sleep. sometimes locks himself in the back and does all the assignments he’s procrastinated on in school. can’t tell if he scares kids or inspires them. ace is convinced that he gives kids nightmares

nami works in clothing retail. probably the best worker in the whole group and that doesn’t say much. sort of peer pressures people into buying rly expensive items. sometimes shoplifts from her own store. usopp always tells her she’s gonna get snatched for it one day. literally walks around wearing clothes that still have the store’s tags on it. law is terrified to exist around her because she’s too powerful. shows up late to work sometimes and just doesn’t give a damn. will tell a 13 year old to fuck off

sanji of course works at some lame, struggling food court place. he wears a dumb hat and never hears the end of the insults from his friends. the food he sells isn’t even that good. he always walks over to the table hq with boxes of food that no one wants to eat (except for luffy). usopp calls it “The Game”, where everyone has to try and guess what the Hell he brought over. sanji’s like “please fucking eat it I’ve eaten so much of it already but my stomach is about to kill me”. loses his temper easily, mostly over indesicive customers

smoker is the mall cop who just fucking hates these “kids”. they’re always sitting there and laughing. why? dumbasses. get out of the mall. get jobs elsewhere. just wants one of them to fuck up badly

honestly it’s about time someone in the one piece universe asked sanji about his fashion choices

zoro and sanji are so goddamn stupid for thinking that this disguise would work at ALL (but the marines are even worse for letting this slide)

i was rereading the summer camp au to prepare myself for finishing a whole new chapter and honestly sanji has given me whiplash why did i make him so AGGRESSIVE 

it’s one of the main rules of the ship: you better pull an all nighter the day before a crew mate’s birthday to ensure they have the greatest time ever. SO! sanji’s birthday rolls around. the crew gears up for a wild night. franky and luffy THROW sanji into bed and lock him in the room despite the cook’s yells of protest. “DONT WORRY WE’LL TAKE CARE OF THE KITCHEN!” franky hollers before dragging luffy to the kitchen. nami puts herself in charge of the baking process. she’s hunched over the counter, scrutinizing a cake recipe that robin had put together. god it’s a beastly cake but damn it they’ll make it as good as they can for their dear chef!! within minutes, she, robin, and luffy are covered in batter. zoro and chopper and usopp are in charge of the decorating. chopper’s on zoro’s shoulders, hanging up streamers while usopp stands next to zoro and wraps the fatigued swordsman in leftover streamers. franky sits in a corner and makes high tech crocs for sanji. brook is preparing a banger of a birthday song. he even got sanji a rockstar outfit!!! hours pass and the crew becomes so damn delusional, honestly just giggling messes. but they still press on with the preparations for SANJI!!! sanji, all the way in the other room, just lies there and stares at the ceiling, slightly frightened at all the yelling that’s happening. once morning comes, luffy and franky come back and pull sanji in the kitchen. everyone yells “HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANJI!” (yes, even zoro because nami stomped on his foot). good times. they all OD on cake

every year, close to valentine’s day, sanji always goes into Full Bake Mode. the “Nobody Talk To Me For 4 Days Because I Need To Perfect These Treats” mood. the crew lets him coop himself up in the kitchen for a bit, but not too long since they know sanji doesn’t necessarily take care of himself when he’s in big valentine chef mode.

luffy, usopp, and chopper always enter the kitchen about 3 hours into the process. they don’t grow rambunctious; instead, they sit patiently at the counter and quietly observe sanji. they know this process is extremely important to him. eventually, sanji acknowledges their presences. he turns around and grins at them with batter splattered onto his apron. “do you guys want to help me?” and of course the Dork Brigade jumps into action. every single year without fail, the one-man baking team turns into a four-man process. after the other three join, then things get rambunctious. usopp and luffy’s laughter echoes through the kitchen walls, accompanied by chopper’s delighted squealing. sanji’s laughter even adds to the mix.

the rest of the crew sits out on the deck and basks in the unofficially official valentine’s tradition, awaiting the moment where sanji dishes out the exquisite treats (and where luffy hands them a plate of slightly burnt heart cookies)

sanji better be careful with that damn raid suit. the second he suits up in front of zoro it’s over. the roasts will never end

“pre timeskip franky called, he wants his hair back BITCH”

“go back to your hive you dumbass bee”

(then sanji goes invisible and kicks the absolute shit out of zoro)

sanji from one piece but every time he walks it’s just squidward’s walking sound effect

one piece au where everything is the exact same except sanji juuls like there’s no tomorrow