Most days Kadew could deal with human weirdness. He could handle the high levels of emotion, the contradicting traits of extreme survival skills and a complete lack of self preservation that many of the species had. So when his crew mate, Human-Tom, invited him to visit earth and experience his culture, Kadew had thought he could handle it and agreed.
It wasn’t the dangerous flora or fauna that sent him screaming from the planets surface.
Human-Tom had introduced Kadew to his son, Tiny-Human-Jon, who was no more than an infant. Kadew found the tiny pink creature repulsive, but he’d smiled and cooed about how cute the infant was for the sake of their interpersonal relationship. The baby took one look at the bright pink skin and luminous antennae, and erupted into a delighted fit of laughter. Everyone around grinned fondly, but Kadew’s pink skin shifted to a pale green.
Human-Tom cast a concerned glance to his crew mate. “You don’t look so good mate, what’s up?”
Kadew could barely bring himself to speak, but through no small amount of effort, he choked out, “someone appears to have removed your childs teeth, who would torture an infant?”
Kadew nearly fainted as Human-Tom started laughing.
He placed a comforting hand on Kadew’s shoulder hinge. “Jon is fine. There was no torture, he just hasn’t grown his baby teeth yet.”
Kadew blinked twice. “Baby…teeth?”
Human-Tom nodded easily. “Yeah, he’s just started teething.” Kadew offered only a blank stare in repsonse. Human-Tom ran a hand along the back of his neck. “Ok, well, humans are born with teeth. They first form when we’re babies, then when we’re prepubsescent they fall out and a re replaced with a permanent set.”
Kadew squealed in alarm. “Your teeth fall out??”
Another easy nod, as if it was the natural thing in the univrse. “For sure, we– hold on, Kelly just lost one, she’ll show you.”
Human-Tom’s daughter came at her fathers call, watching Kadew curiously. Human-Tom gestured her forward. “Wanna show him your gap?” Kadew’s skin pulsed blue in fear as the young female opened her mouth. A set of normal, gleaming white teeth occupied her mouth, just as others of her species and–
Kadew screeched at the gaping black hole where her two front teeth should have been, the gum bright red and inflammed.
Human-Kelly grinned. “I got six bucks from the tooth fairy for ‘em!” Her words were shapeless, her consonants drawn out and lispy.
“Tooth fairy?” Kadew was almost afraid to ask.
Human-kelly grinned again, clearly enjoying this. “The tiny winged being that gives us money for teeth while we sleep.”
Kadew fainted and vowed to never return to earth.
