3.32 You Should Be Proud

After the episode where my Dad was eliminated from Drag Superstar aired, we didn’t get a chance to talk. He was doing his typical viewing party at Roy G. Biv’s and though I was there, Dad was bombarded by fans and phone calls. 

It’s probably for the best, though. I wouldn’t have known what to say. No matter how much I keep trying to put my past behind me, it keeps coming back around to remind me of all of my disappointments and mistakes.

The next morning, though, I manage to catch him alone.

“I guess we need to talk,” he says, and I agree. We sit on the couch.

“First of all, I just want to apologize for talking about our personal business on television,” Dad begins. “I wasn’t really thinking about how that might affect you.”

I shrug. “I mean, you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. And it’s not like you gave a lot of details or anything.”

“Maybe not, but it still wasn’t right. I’m a public figure now, and I promise to be more careful about what I say about my family in public.”

“A public figure, huh? Don’t go getting a big head, now,” I smirk.

“It’s too late for that.” Dad chuckles softly and once the laughter tapers off we sit in uncomfortable silence.

“I’m sorry, too,” I say finally. “I wasn’t thinking about how my behavior was affecting everyone else, either. And it cost you your dream.” I thought I’d moved past the guilt I had from my partying last summer, but apparently there are still consequences left to face.

“Oh, Johnny, no,” Dad says, putting a hand gently on my shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself for this. The timing wasn’t great, but the only one responsible for my performance on the show is me. Besides, I think my elimination will work out in my favor anyway.”

“Really, how so?”

“Look at this,” he holds up his phone and shows me his Social Bunny feed. “I’m trending! People can’t stop talking about how I shouldn’t have been sent home. I’m already booked out for the next two months!” 

“Wow, that’s amazing!” It seems like everyone is blaming Diamond Adair for Dad’s elimination. Sucks for her, but at least it takes some of the heat off of me. “Two months is a long time to be gone, though. Do you think you and Pops will be ok?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t we be?”

“Well, it’s just that you guys were having some disagreements about me, and you’ve been traveling a lot…”

“Oh, that? We didn’t even realize you heard our arguments. But that was just a bump in the road. We worked through that weeks ago.”

“You did? Well, that’s a relief.” I feel my shoulders relax. I never would've forgiven myself if my parents split up because of fights they had about me. It's good to know that's not something I'll have to worry about.

“We’ve been together for 20 years now. It’s going to take more than a couple of disagreements to break us apart. I’m sorry if we worried you.”

“That’s all right.”

“Let’s make a deal. Can we promise to just talk to each other about what we’re feeling? It seems like we’ve been avoiding the actual issues by jumping to conclusions.”

“Yeah, I promise I’ll do better about that.” I'm noticing a common theme around my conversations with people lately, and I'm realizing I need to just trust that the people in my life will be there for me when I need them.

“Good. So will I. I don’t think we’ve told you, but Pops and I are very proud of you.”

“Proud of me? For what?”

“Well, you’ve been working really hard–not just at your job but with being more responsible and taking care of yourself.”

“Yeah, but–” I start to speak but Dad cuts me off.

“No ‘buts’,” he tells me. “You’ve come a long way and that’s something to be proud of.”

This isn’t how I expected this conversation to go. I thought I'd walk away feeling like I'd ruined Dad's life, but instead I feel hopeful. Maybe Dad is right and things really are getting better. Maybe I do have things to be proud of.

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