2.27 Old Wounds

TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains C-PTSD flashbacks relating to child abuse. While not graphic, please use your own discretion in continuing with this post if those topics are triggering or upsetting to you.

Bonnie: I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for coming out to celebrate my birthday with me. We’ve been through a lot as a family, but I’m so glad that we’re all here together now.

Johnny: Happy birthday, Mom!

Chantal and Destiny: Happy birthday!

Trinity: Just cut the cake already!

[laughter]

Johnny: So you’re the kid who’s dating my little sister. What’s your deal? Got a job yet?

Demarcus: No, sir, I’m only 12.

Johnny: Hmm. Well, I hope you’re treating my sister right. I know how 12-year-old boys are. I was one, after all.

[Johnny starts to put his hand on Demarcus’ shoulder]

Demarcus: Ah! Don't hurt me!

[Johnny has a flashback of Jimmy: Don't be such a brat and I won't have to!]

Johnny: I won't, why would you think that?

Demarcus: I dunno. Isn’t that what big brothers do?

Johnny: No! I was just messing with you. I would never…I’ll be back.

[Johnny goes to the bathroom to compose himself] 

Bonnie: [holding Darien] And there’s your Auntie Chantal!

Chantal: Hey sweet boy!

Destiny: Sorry Mom, I’m gonna have to take him back so I can put him down for a nap. 

Bonnie: Aw, sweet dreams little guy! [to Chantal] Doesn’t he make you want one of your own?

Chantal: Nope! I’m done with men anyhow.

Bonnie: I can’t blame you for that one. They cause nothin’ but trouble.

[The front door opens]

Trinity: Dad!

Jimmy: Hey princess! I thought I’d stop by to say hello since I didn’t get to see you this weekend.

Chantal: Mom, what the fuck? Why is he here?

Bonnie: Jimmy, I told you not to come!

Jimmy: Relax, I’ll just be a second. Hey, Johnny! Listen, I've been wanting--

Chantal: Don’t you fucking get near him!

Destiny: Stay back, Jimmy!

Jimmy: I just want to apologize!

[Chantal and Destiny block Jimmy from getting near Johnny. Johnny runs out of the apartment]

Bonnie: Johnny! Wait!

[Everyone follows Johnny outside]

Chantal: Jimmy, get the fuck out of here before I fucking end you!

Destiny: Leave, Jimmy!

Jimmy: Fine, I’m leaving! This wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t such a pussy.

Destiny: [to Bonnie] We’ve got him.

Johnny: [to Chantal] Please take me home.

Bonnie: Johnny, I’m so sorry, I told him not to come. I–

Chantal: Stop! You’ve done enough. Let’s go, bubs.

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2.23 Making a Switch

Trinity: Dad! Here, hold my bag.

Jimmy: What do I look like, a chauffeur?

Trinity: [grumbling] Fine, I’ll take it to your car myself.

Jimmy: What are we going to do with this girl?

Bonnie: [laughing] She’s a handful! Hey, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.

Jimmy: Ok, shoot.

Bonnie: I know you’re supposed to have Trinity every other weekend, but my birthday’s coming up in a couple of weeks. I thought about having all of my kids over for a little party now that we’re all getting along better. Do you mind if she stays here that weekend?

Jimmy: Well, I guess that’s fine. But you owe me another switch if I have something come up in the future.

Bonnie: Deal! Thanks for not giving me a hard time about it.

Jimmy: Hey, I told you, Trinity comes first. And that means we need to get along for her sake. You know, next time you could just invite me and Trinity could spend time with both of her parents.

Bonnie: Don’t push it, Jimmy. Johnny’s going to be there, and I already told you that wouldn’t be a good idea.

Jimmy: Ok, ok, I got it. But this can’t go on forever. What happens at Trinity’s graduation or her wedding? I’m sure as hell not missing out on those.

Bonnie: [rolling her eyes] Neither of those things are happening anytime soon. How about we cross that bridge when we get to it, hmm?

Jimmy: I guess. Okay, Trin, are you ready to spend the weekend with your favorite guy?

Trinity: Demarcus is going to be there? Sweet!

Jimmy: Haha, you wish, ya little smartass!

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2.10 Leave the Past Behind

Bonnie: Hey baby, how’d it go?

Trinity: Fine. Dad has this thing called a VCR. Have you ever seen one? We watched a bunch of old movies on it. Like from the olden days in the 90s! It was so vintage.

Bonnie: [laughs] Yeah, I’ve seen one. I’m glad you had a good time.

Trinity: Aren’t you going to talk to Dad?

Bonnie: I’d rather not.

Jimmy: Hey, Bonnie! I told ya I’d bring our girl back in one piece.

Bonnie: Yeah, imagine if you mistreated one of my kids. Actually, I don’t have to imagine that.

Jimmy: Bonnie, can’t we just leave the past behind us? I know what I did was plain evil, but I swear on my life, I’m not that person anymore. 

Bonnie: I can’t just take your word on that, Jimmy. This is my child. I couldn’t forgive myself if I let something like that happen again. 

Jimmy: She's our child, Bonnie, and I would give my life for her. You don’t have to believe I’m a good person, but at least believe that Trinity is safe with me. 

Bonnie: I’m tryin’. God knows I want that to be true.

Jimmy: Look, no matter what, we’re both her parents and we’re gonna have to be civil for her sake. I’m not asking to be friends or nothin’. But you don’t hafta treat me like your enemy.

[Bonnie stays silent, contemplating Jimmy’s words]

Jimmy: How are the older kids doing?

Bonnie: Well, Destiny’s been pretty busy with her job and her baby. He’s getting bigger by the day. You should see how much that kid eats. He just started solids and he can’t get enough.

Jimmy: [laughs] He gets that from his grandma. For as slim as you are, you could always put food away like no one’s business. Man. It’s hard to believe you have a grandbaby. When did we get so old?

Bonnie: It snuck up quick, didn’t it? Destiny’s a mom, Chantal’s working for a successful company…before you know it, Trinity’s gonna be grown up and we’ll really feel old then.

Jimmy: And Johnny? Is he doing ok?

Bonnie: [sighs] He’s doing great, despite everything. We’re finally talkin’ again and it’s nice.

Jimmy: I’m glad to hear that. I really want to apologize to him. For everything. I owe him that.

Bonnie: [shakes her head] It’s not the time, Jimmy. It might not ever be. Some things can’t be forgiven.

Jimmy: I know, I don’t expect him to forgive me. I just want him to know I’m sorry.

Bonnie: If you’re trying to do right by him, maybe it’s best to just leave him alone. I think it would hurt more than it would help. Maybe one day, but definitely not now.

Jimmy: If you think so, I’ll leave him be. It was nice talking to you, Bonnie.

Bonnie: Yeah. 

Trinity: Mom, can Dad stay for dinner?

Bonnie: He’s gotta get going. But I’ll make you whatever you want.

Trinity: Can we order a pizza?

Bonnie: Sure, why not?

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2.4 Drama Lessons

Lexie: I couldn't believe he found another Snowflake for me. It was the sweetest gift anyone's ever given me.

Bonnie: That's such a cute story! Johnny had a little stuffed cat that he used to drag around everywhere when he was little. What was his name again? Jackie? Jerky?

Johnny: Jinkies. I was really into Scooby Doo at the time.

Bonnie: That's right! Well, it seems like you two are birds of a feather. I'm so glad Johnny found such a sweet girl. And so pretty, too.

Lexie: Thanks, Ms. Ayers!

Bonnie: It’s Messer, actually. I never bothered to change my last name after my divorce. I'm glad we finally got to meet. I was beginning to think Johnny was trying to keep us apart.

Johnny: Mom, I told you I’d introduce you to her. I just wanted to wait a little while.

Bonnie: I know, I know. But it all turned out fine. I swear sometimes you make things so much harder than they have to be. Everything’s always gotta be a big thing. Lexie, I’m sure you know what I mean.

Lexie: Um, actually, Johnny is pretty easy going most of the time.

Bonnie: Yeah, that’s because you’re a girl that he wants to impress. Give it a few months and you’ll see. I love him to death, but he can really be a drama queen when he wants to be.

Johnny: Gee, thanks Mom.

Bonnie: Oh, come, Johnny. I’m just teasing you. I thought you were all about the jokes.

Lexie: Ms. Messer, I don’t know if Johnny mentioned this, but we’re going to be involved in some theater productions with the Drama department this year. Right, Johnny?

Johnny: Yeah, I think it will be fun. Hopefully we’ll be able to get some onstage experience. It’ll probably be a lot of behind the scenes stuff.

Bonnie: Oh, that’s nice! Do you want to be an actress, Lexie?

Lexie: I do, but I’d like to do a little bit of everything. Writing, directing, producing…it all seems exciting to me.

Johnny: We’re friends with a lot of other drama students and we’ve been talking about creating some content together to post it online.

Bonnie: What kind of content?

Lexie: Right now there’s a lot of competing ideas. Everyone has something different they want to try. I guess that’s what happens when a bunch of creatives try to collaborate!

Bonnie: I’m sure you’ll figure something out. That sounds really cool. You know, you’ve been such a good influence on Johnny. He’s been doing so much better since he met you. 

Lexie: Well, I can’t really take credit for that. Johnny is really determined. Once he decides to do something, he’s going to see it through. I’m really proud of him.

Johnny: Thanks, Lex. That’s nice to hear.

Bonnie: I’m proud of you, too, son. I guess all your stubbornness is finally paying off!

Johnny: Yeah, sure.

Lexie: Well, it was really nice to meet you, but Johnny and I have an assignment we need to work on. I don’t want to fall behind so early in the semester.

Bonnie: Oh, I hate for you to leave so soon, but I guess schoolwork is important. It was nice meeting you, Lexie. Johnny, don’t be such a stranger.

Johnny: See you later, Mom. I love you.

Bonnie: Love you too! Bye!

Johnny and Lexie: Bye!

Johnny: [whispering as they walk away] Thank you.

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1.48 Blessed

Bonnie: Any sign of the twins yet?

Trinity: They’re heading to the staircase now.

Bonnie: Oh, good. I was starting to get worried that they wouldn’t show. I never know about your brother. That reminds me, don’t say anything to him about your dad being out of jail.

Trinity: Why not?

Bonnie: Because I’m really trying to work on our relationship and I feel like it’ll just set him off. I’ll tell him later, but I don’t want to make this situation any harder than it already is.

[The doorbell rings and Bonnie lets Johnny and Chantal inside]

Bonnie: It’s so good to see you!

Johnny: You too!

Chantal: You look so grown, Trin!

Trinity: Yeah, right. I need a growth spurt already. I’m the shortest kid in my grade.

Johnny: It’ll happen before you know it.

Chantal: Yeah, I grew a few inches practically overnight when I became a teenager.

Bonnie: Are you sure neither of you will be able to come for Christmas?

Chantal: Sorry, but we just have a lot going on with Dad and Pops.

Bonnie: I know, I know…I just don’t see why you can’t come here just one time. You’ve spent the past few Christmas’ with them, and I just think–

Johnny: Mom, you know we don’t like it when you meddle into our relationship with our dads. Besides, I have plans with my girlfriend, too.

Chantal: Look, we’re here now, so let’s just try to enjoy our time together, ok?

Bonnie: You’re right. So, Johnny, is this the same girl you were telling me about before?

Johnny: Yeah, her name is Lexie. She’s really great.

Chantal: You should see them together. They’re so into each other. It’s adorable!

Bonnie: I’d love to get to meet this girl you’re so smitten with.

Johnny: Sure, maybe one day. 

Bonnie: Do you know what you’re getting her for Christmas yet?

Johnny: I’m not sure. I had an idea, but shopping is harder than I expected.

Trinity: You should get her a ring. That’s what Demarcus is getting me.

Chantal: A ring??? You’re not trying to get engaged at your age, are you?

Trinity: No way, I’m still a kid! I just like jewelry. 

Johnny: Wait, how do you know he's getting you a ring?

Trinity: Um, because I told him to!

Bonnie: Are you seeing anybody, Chantal?

Chantal: No, I’ve been too busy with work and school and everything. I’ve really been liking my job, though. I already got my first bonus!

Bonnie: That’s wonderful, baby! And don’t you worry, you’ll find a man when you’re ready. You’re too beautiful to be single for long.

Chantal: Ok, mom.

Bonnie: I’m just so glad that all of my kids are doing so well. I know it hasn’t been perfect, but I feel really blessed right now.

Johnny: Yeah, so do I.

Chantal: Me too!

Trinity: Oh my God, you guys are so embarrassing. I’m going to go to my room before you make me sick.

Johnny: Aw, don't go Trinity! We love you so much, our little pookie bear!

Trinity: Ugh, gross!!!

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1.31 Reunion

Johnny: This is a pretty nice place.

Bonnie: Yep, it’s just the right size for me and Trinity. Close to everything and the rent’s not too bad. It’s nice not having a big house to keep up, but it does feel a bit lonely sometimes with just the two of us.

Johnny: I guess it’s the same with me and Chantal. Going from 5 people in one place to only two is a big difference. The quiet is almost eerie at times.

Johnny: Why are you looking at me like that?

Bonnie: It’s just…you’re a man now. You used to have the chubbiest little cheeks but now your face is all angular.

Johnny: I had to grow up sometime. But if it helps you feel any better, I’m still pretty immature.

Bonnie: [laughs] That does help. It’s already hard for me to believe that Destiny is a mom now. Even Trinity has a little boyfriend. My babies are growing up too fast. So what’s going on with you? Anyone special in your life?

Johnny: Uh, well, I did start seeing someone recently. She’s not really my girlfriend yet but we’ve been spending a lot of time together.

Bonnie: Oh, good! I wasn’t sure if you liked girls because of…well, you know.

Johnny: No, I don’t know. What do you mean?

Bonnie: Well, with your father and his whole…situation.

Johnny: You mean him being gay? It’s not contagious.

Bonnie: I just didn’t know. A father is a huge role model for his son. It’s easy to get influenced by certain things.

Johnny: That’s not how it works, Mom. Being gay isn’t a choice. Besides, what if I was? Is that really something you’re concerned about?

Bonnie: No! I don’t know. I guess it was just hard for me not being around and not having a say in how you were raised. I don’t really know your dad, you know. You pretty much shut me out once you started living with him.

Johnny: Well, he’s a great guy, Mom. You know, I think you got so used to selling the lie that Pops was the big villain in your story that you started to believe it. But you know that isn’t true, and I’m not falling for that bullshit. You know who the villain in my story is and how he got there.

Bonnie: I know, Johnny. I’m sorry, I–

Johnny: No, we’re not doing this again. Sorry is just a word. If you want to have a relationship with me again, I need you to realize a few things. First of all, I’m not listening to any criticism from you about Pops or Dad. They saved my life, which they wouldn’t have had to do if you hadn’t kept me from them for so long.

And second, I need you to own up to the fact that your ex-husband abused me, and that you didn’t believe me when I tried to talk to you about it. And I need you to do that without making excuses.

I don’t give a fuck if you were too high to know what was going on, or if Jimmy told you I was out of control and needed discipline or whatever. The bottom line is I was being hurt and you didn’t help me. So if you can do those two things for me, I might be willing to forgive you down the road. But if you can’t, I’m done. Full stop.

Bonnie: I can do that. I won’t say anything about your father again. You’re right, I was supposed to protect you and I didn’t. That’s on me. 

Johnny: Okay. That’s a start. But this is going to take some time. I need you to understand that.

Bonnie: I do. I’m going to do better by you, baby. I promise.

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1.22 Reaching Out

[Johnny is looking at a photo on the wall of his mom hugging him when he was around 3 years old. He recollects a memory from around that time]

Bonnie: All right, baby boy, it's time for bed. Mama's all tuckered out today, and I think you are too.

Johnny: Mama sing me to sleep?

Bonnie: Of course baby, I always do!

Bonnie: [singing] You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey.

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away. Goodnight, Mama loves you.

[In present day, Johnny sighs and picks up his phone]

[Text conversation between Bonnie and Johnny. A previous message from Bonnie reads "baby please just talk to me. i just want to know ur ok" Read 9:36PM]

Johnny: hi mom

Bonnie: johnny baby i knew you would come around! i know ur really upset with me and i get why but i really just want to have a chance to apologize to u. i’m really sorry for hurting you like i did

Johnny: i know mom. can we talk about it later? how are u?

Bonnie: i’m good, just been working at the diner in port promise. got me and trinity a 2 bedroom at stonestreet apartments. she’s been taking dance classes. she’s been asking about u

Johnny: has she? tell her i miss her and i'll talk to her soon

Bonnie: ok i will. i know she misses u 2 lol. she won't say it but i can tell

Johnny: that's trinity all right. good to know things haven't changed too much

Bonnie: well how are u baby? are you liking college ok? chantal told me your apartment is pretty nice. maybe i can come see it sometime when you aren’t too busy

Johnny: i like it ok. it's school lol. i think we should just keep it to texting for now

Bonnie: if that's what u want i'll just have to wait. i love u

[Read 10:05AM]

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1.17 Forgiveness

[Bonnie is working at the diner when she hears a familiar voice call her name]

Jimmy: Bonnie!

Jimmy: I'm sorry for showing up here unannounced. I know I'm not your favorite person right now.

Bonnie: That's an understatement. You hurt my kid, and I will never forget that!

Jimmy: Look, I can't tell you how sorry I am. I know it's no excuse, but I had a bad upbringing myself and I was directing all of that anger at an innocent child who didn't deserve it. I will spend the rest of my life making up for that if I have to.

Bonnie: And you'll still be making up for it when you're in hell!

Jimmy: I'm not worried about my salvation, Bonnie. God has absolved me of my sins.

Bonnie: God? What, are you religious now?

Jimmy: Yes, I am. My cellmate taught me about how we can all be forgiven. I'm a changed man, Bonnie, I swear it. I don't ever want to go back to the way I was before.

Bonnie: I'll believe it when I see it. Is that why you wanted to meet me? To rope me into your religion?

Jimmy: Well, it'd be wonderful if you repented as well, but that's not why I'm here. I just wanted to say you don't have to worry about me being around Trinity. I swear I never laid a finger on her and I never will.

Bonnie: Too bad you can't say the same about Johnny.

Jimmy: I know, and I'll never forgive myself for that. I really want to apologize to him for all the hurt I put him through.

Bonnie: Not a chance! You will never see him again if I have anything to do with it. He wouldn't forgive you anyway, he won't even talk to me.

Jimmy: I can't blame him for that. I just want to make this all right.

Bonnie: It's never going to be all right, Jimmy. You ruined my life! Now get the fuck out of here before I end up in prison myself!

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1.13 My Rights vs. Yours

[Bonnie and Trinity are in the living room of their apartment]

Bonnie: Hey, Trin. Texting Demarcus again? Trinity: Yeah, I think he likes me. Or at least I told him he did.

Bonnie: Um, ok. You sure remind me of myself at your age, obsessed with boys and feisty as can be. I just hope you're this assertive when you get older. Trinity: Don't worry mom, any boy that messes with me will live to regret it.

Bonnie: [laughs] That's good to know! Look, baby, there's something I need to tell you. Trinity: What is it?

Bonnie: Well, your dad is being released from prison early for good behavior. I can't believe he's getting out so soon when they already gave him such a light sentence. He'll be on parole, but he wants to reconnect with you. Trinity: Can he even do that?

Bonnie: Well, it depends on what the judge says, baby. My lawyer thinks he may be able to get supervised visits since courts usually try to keep families together. Trinity: What do you mean by supervised?

Bonnie: It means you'll only see him for short periods of time, and someone trustworthy will be there watching. How do you feel about that? Trinity: I don't know...I know he was mean to Johnny, but I just remember him being nice to me. And I do miss him sometimes.

Bonnie: Well, I promise I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I'm not letting anyone hurt my kids again. Trinity: I know, mom. I'm not too worried.

Bonnie: I just hope for your sake he really has changed.

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1.11 Self-pity Party

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Transcript below:

1.8 All's Not Lost

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Protest poses by @hula-zombie and @deadlymodern

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1.7 Desperate Measures

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1.6 Swallow Your Pride

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1.2 Olive Branches

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Transcript below:

1.1 Every Single Night's a Fight

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Monster image by kjpargeter on Freepik

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Safe Harbor Character Intros: Trinity, Bonnie, and Jimmy Messer

Bonnie and Jimmy have had a tumultuous relationship since their daughter Trinity was born almost 11 years ago. Though she was always troubled, Jimmy brought out the worst in Bonnie. Together they built a life fueled by conflict and drugs, leading Bonnie to temporarily lose custody of her three minor children a few years ago.

Bonnie and Jimmy are now divorced, with Bonnie having completed rehab and Jimmy currently serving a prison sentence. While Bonnie works on repairing her relationships with her children, word on the street is that Jimmy has actually been a model citizen in prison and is hoping for an early release. Now Bonnie must face the possibility of co-parenting with the ex she feels ruined her life.

Catch up with Trinity, Bonnie, and Jimmy and see what's next on the horizon on July 24!

Story directory | Other characters | Prologue

Part of a series of flash stories intended as a supplement to my story Safe Harbor. Context for this post is here.

As Jimmy headed to the bar where Bonnie worked, he could feel the anger pulsing through his veins as though it were the only thing keeping his heart beating. There didn't need to be a reason for the rage to boil up within him; the feeling came naturally, often in the absence of reason. He wasn't sure why he was feeling that way tonight, but then he was never one for self-reflection.