2.7 Opening Up
Lexie: It’s too bad we got assigned to set design for the first production, but at least we’ll be able to hang out together.
Johnny: Yeah, it looks like most of the acting roles went to the juniors and seniors. Maybe next year we’ll have better luck.
Lexie: Well, the semester’s just getting started. Who knows what will happen. We could impress them with our sick acting skills and get the leads next time.
Johnny: [laughing] I support your delusional optimism! Oh, I almost forgot…my mom wanted me to tell you hi and that she enjoyed meeting you.
Lexie: Hmm, that’s nice of her. I guess let her know I said hi as well.
Johnny: [teasingly] You’re not going to say it was nice to meet her too?
Lexie: No comment.
Johnny: I don’t blame you! Honestly, it went better than I was expecting.
Lexie: Really? That's kind of sad.
Johnny: Yeah, unfortunately, that was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my mom.
Lexie: Well, it really bothered me how she was speaking about you. I kept trying to change the subject, but she’d always end up making some snarky little comment.
Johnny: I’m used to it, I guess. The thing is, if I’d called her out she’d say I was overreacting. In the past, I would’ve believed her, but now…not so much.
Lexie: Good, because she’s wrong about you. I can’t imagine how it affected you to hear that as a child, or even now.
Johnny: [sighs] I wish I could say that was the worst thing I had to deal with as a kid, but it wasn’t by a long shot. If you don’t mind, I think I’m ready to talk to you about it.
Lexie: Of course. You can tell me anything. Let's go somewhere more private.
TW: The dialogue below includes discussion of child abuse and drug abuse (not graphic but please use your own discretion if this topic is triggering to you).
Johnny: It wasn’t just my mom who treated me badly. It was also her husband, Jimmy. I refuse to call him my stepdad because he wasn’t any kind of parent to me. He was way worse, though. With my mom it’s this kind of passive aggressive backhanded shit, but Jimmy? He was full-on aggressive. Not just with his words, either.
Lexie: Oh my God, he hurt you? Johnny, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was that bad.
Johnny: Yeah, it was pretty awful. I started having nightmares and I was anxious all the time. I tried to talk to my mom about it, but I was too scared to tell her what was really going on so she thought I was just being dramatic.
Lexie: Geez, I can’t imagine my parents just brushing me off like that. You must have been terrified.
Johnny: I was. It only got worse when my mom started doing drugs. By that time I was old enough to start fighting back and all the blame fell on me. Jimmy almost convinced mom to send me to military school but then my dads got custody of me and Chantal.
Lexie: Thank God for your dads!
Johnny: For real, I’m so grateful for them. It’s weird, though…whenever a kid gets away from their abusive family, everyone expects them to be happy about it. No one ever talks about all the mixed emotions. I knew I was better off with my dads, but I still thought about the good times I had with my mom. It was hard to leave her.
Lexie: I think I understand more why you’re still trying to work things out with her. It sounds like the whole situation was really traumatic for you.
Johnny: Yeah, even when I wasn’t talking to her I always had this feeling of “what if?” Like maybe there is a way to fix everything and make it go away.
Lexie: Some things can’t be fixed, no matter how hard you try. I don’t know if your relationship with your mom is one of them, but I hope you’ll recognize when it’s time to let go if it comes to that.
Johnny: I think I will. I’m going to give it more time, but I’m starting to feel like…like I deserve better. I didn’t feel that way before.
Lexie: You deserve so much better, Johnny. You’re so much more than what your mom sees you as. And Jimmy. He better hope I never see him ‘cause I’ll kick him right in the balls!
Johnny: [laughing] Lexie! I’ve never heard you so angry before. I can’t see you doing something like that, you’re too sweet.
Lexie: I’d do it to him! And I’d enjoy watching him suffer. Oh, sorry, I probably shouldn’t be so violent about it. It just really got me worked up.
Johnny: It’s ok. You’re cute when you’re protective.
Lexie: Well, consider me your bodyguard, then.