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@holywritingpromptsbatbruh

anybody else uhhhh love growing as a person? 💖💝💞🌺☕🚀🎶🛠💞💝💖 He/him. Adult. My art tag is #kerdoodle My original post tag is #batbruh speaks!
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thegradus

You might not want to hear this but people with anger issues and/or violent impulses need social accommodations. And no by accommodation I don't mean walking on eggshells around them, actual accommodations for people with these issues comes down to giving them a space away from what's triggering them to process their emotions and calm themselves down same as what kind of accommodations people who get sensory overload or just any kind of overwhelmed. There is no moral value to having anger issues or violent impulses, people with them are deserving of accommodation the same as everyone else.

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psychoticallytrans

I had severe anger issues growing up, and the only way I was ever taught to deal with them was deep breathing. For some reason, deep breathing just triggers me to get angrier. But it's the only coping skill I ever got taught for it. Here's a few better ones.

  • Go and exercise. Get all of that energy out and away from the people you love.
  • Get a hang of when you're winding up to a rage and learn to tell people that you need to step away. I will warn you that the first time that someone refuses to let you go once you learn this skill will spook the hell out of you if you don't have a backup skill, so figure out ahead of time what you're gonna do if they won't let you leave.
  • Learn to set boundaries. One of the best things I ever did for my anger issues was tell people that I can't deal with people stealing food off my plate. Second best was when I'm mad, telling people not to touch me. I spook easily when I'm already angry.
  • Get a pack of pencils and if nothing is working, break one. Sometimes you really do need to break something in order to feel better, and pencils are cheap.
  • Don't cook with a knife when you're mad. If you get too much adrenaline, the knife can slip and hurt you.
  • If you have anger issues that pop up without any seeming reason and frighten you, I would strongly recommend going over the situation and over your mental health. If there's anything consistent with a mental health condition or with something particular happening to trigger it, seek to eliminate the trigger or treat the issue. Depression, anxiety, trauma, you name it, it can probably present as anger issues under the right circumstances.

Some quick notes for people without anger issues that want to help someone who has anger issues:

  • Fear transmutes into anger really, really well if someone's fear response is "fight". One of my guesses for why so many men have anger issues is that we're told we're not men if we have any other response to fear. However, this issue is far from exclusive to men.
  • Don't box people in when you're arguing with them or soothing them. If someone is backed up against a wall and upset, then getting closer to them without permission is a bad call for your safety and for their soothing, because that removes the ability to get away from you. Ask before getting close. This goes double if someone is injured or otherwise vulnerable.
  • Teaching angry people that are distressed about being angry the pencil trick on the spot is really easy and works more often than you can think.
  • Respect people's requests and boundaries. A lot of people think that some of the boundaries I set up are silly or that once we're pals, they can ignore them. No, because a lot of my boundaries are related to trauma, and crossing them will trigger me and bring up my anger.
  • All of this goes for children with anger issues as well. I was a child with anger issues, and a lot of disrespect for my boundaries and needs was because my anger was dismissed because I was a child. Respect children's anger.

Walking on eggshells is not and will never be a good way to treat anger issues. Recognizing that people with anger issues deserve to have their boundaries respected and to be treated like human beings is.

An end note: Anger issues are not the same thing as being abusive, because emotions are not abusive. Someone with anger issues can become abusive if they take them out on people, but so can someone with suicidal thoughts who takes them out on people. The issue is targeting another person in order to feel better, not having a mental health issue.

An end note for people with anger issues: It really can get better. You can find coping skills and perhaps meds that help cool you down and settle you. You can find people that will accept that doing that one weird thing spooks the fuck out of you, and will let you leave if you're scaring yourself. You can gain control of yourself without shutting down emotionally. It's achievable.

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valentineish

Additionally, anger is neither exempt from nor the sole experience of emotional dysregulation. And a lot of conditions can cause that dysregulation – PTSD (/ongoing trauma and stress, like mentioned above), dementia, ADHD, even boring old sleep deprivation are just a few examples. The list goes on, because this is an extremely common feature to many neurodivergent experiences.

Emotions do not have intrinsic morality, and they are not frivolous set-dressing. Anger is no more inherently toxic than guilt is fundamentally manipulative. These are not behaviors. They are part of your internal experience, and serve as barometers for your mental well-being.

Some people will feel things more intensely or frequently. Punishing them (or yourself) for that is cruel and counterproductive. Have patience, and make the space that's needed. The world is certainly big enough for accomodations and self-growth.

#i had a lot of trouble with anger when i was a kid#mostly bc i wasnt 'allowed' to be angry (“don't be angry!”/getting told something traumatizing everytime i was mad or beaten)#it followed me as I grew up and eventually i stopped treating myself as a monster for being upset#posts like these helped me relearn how to handle feelings#and another factor was dysphoria#most days id be like oh im ok i can withstand this *cant look in a mirror longer than fixing my hair* etc etc#and whenever i was inconvienced/someone was rude to me i was like ':)'(HATE HATE HATE KILL HATE)#then i started T and so soon i was happier and so much chiller#i really noticed it when a customer was rude to me for no reason and i was huh sucks to suck ig. ... wait huh im not royally pissed over a#over stranger ill never see again this is awesome and cool hell yea#i still have issues with confrontation and talking about how im feeling bc of my childhood and continued living situation.#but im so much better now anf i cant wait to keep getting better
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boy-gender

To all the trans people who see this tonight, no matter what happens, we will survive. Trans people will still be here 4 years from now and 10 years from now and 100 years from now and tomorrow. We have always existed and we always will. The world cannot unlearn about us; we are too public, too loud, too beloved, too present. Ill be here tomorrow. Please stay here with me.

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genderqueerdykes
Anonymous asked:

is it bad to be scared to start hrt?

i feel a little ashamed that i am. i try my hardest to be positive about all the things that make men & mascs masculine. i try to appreciate the parts that arent valued by society, like male pattern baldness, being fat, hairiness (love that part especially lol), etc.

but im 15, and i go back and fourth over whether or not i want to start testosterone. i had terrible cystic acne before i started acne medication, i have male pattern baldness on my dads side etc. im not a binary trans guy, so i kinda doubt ill be on it forever anyway if i DO wind up doing it, but its really scary to be told all the stuff that WILL make me a man when im… just a boy. that feels infantalizing but i suppose its true. im scared to be a man admittedly, im angry i never got to have a “true” boyhood because in currently at that age, and im scared of being thrust into it after not getting to be one. theres so much stuff about becoming “ugly” after starting testosterone. i know thats not true, logically, but ive faced so much bullying for not being pretty enough as an afab that i guess i still have that vanity embedded within me.

i feel ashamed for it, do you have any advice?

genderqueerdykes answered:

no, absolutely not- i think it's super reasonable to be scared to start HRT. it's a huge change, it affects your body and mentality in many different ways. it's a lot to take on at once especially considering there are permanent effects if taken for long enough at a high enough dose

i get why you'd be worried at that age. i didn't start HRT until i was in my early 20s. i think its okay to give yourself some time, especially considering you have some concerns about it potentially affecting your health. it would be ideal to find a way to get your blood tested for a few things- liver enzymes, red blood cell count, estrogen and testosterone levels, and so on. if you can't do that, it's understandable. i know it's not easy for someone your age to get a ride to a place like that discretely

is it possible to contact your dermatologist about your acne and see if they would be able to weigh in on that? baldness is a tricky thing. some people do bald but really late in life. some people don't. a lot of transmascs have their hairline recede by a few inches and then it usually stops. the nice thing about hair loss is there are medications that work very well that can help mitigate that. gender affirming care specialists or other doctors who prescribe testosterone are usually aware of the effects on scalp hair, and usually they'll help you test for high blood pressure, any issues like that

honestly i get where you're coming from here. i've seen this way too many times. people get pissed off about someone being a type of trans they don't like so they just bully the person until they consider detransitioning or never start transition at all, and then continue to mock and harass them anyway. i see this all the damn time and it bugs me like why would you do that to someone. who cares

people think it's ok to bully trans men & mascs right now because of all of the transandrophobia and antimasculism in general. testosterone doesn't make anyone "ugly", people are projecting their hatred of men and mascs on to a hormone that almost everyone produces naturally. it's just hateful senseless bullying. people think the younger the trans man/boy/masc is, the more valid they are to bully them.

it's okay to identify as a boy for as long as you need. you actually never have any obligation to adopt the label man if it doesn't fit you. many people identify as boys instead of men. some people are guys and not men. it's okay some people find they have to take their time to transition from boy to man. you're only 15 you are still a child, you don't have to worry about being a man for quite a while

it's definitely okay to feel conflicted and confused here. if you're able to, take time to yourself where you shut all that noise from other people out. if you're able to just ask yourself a few questions like why do i identify as a boy, what about it makes me happy, what kinds of things do i want to do in transition. just try to get a feel for what's going on so it makes it hard for people to get in your head

remember that when people attack you like this they're projecting something they deeply hate about themselves on to you. my therapist told me that last week and i thought i would just relay that. it's alright to be affected by it, but they really are just being assholes. it's good to be a trans man/boy/masc. transmasculinity is good. testosterone is good. testosterone saved my life. i'm glad to get up in the morning every day because i at least look and sound like myself. i love my body. i love the way i look. i'm stronger. i stand taller. my face is the right shape. my voice sounds right.

life is good

i hope you found any of this helpful. good luck, it's okay to feel guilt or shame for a bit. i did NOT want to come out as FtM for a VERY long time it was hard. i get it. take care of yourself, let me know if you have any more questions

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genderqueerdykes

who the hell has to "earn" gender anyways. cis people don't, they just get it slapped on there and called a day. what's the point in "earning" gender? cis people don't earn it, nor do they fight for it... why do trans women have to "earn" womanhood and why do trans men have to "earn" manhood. what's there to earn there exactly? what i have to throw myself on the floor and beg and plead just so i can... be a guy? just sit there and ambiently be a guy? says who? and who exactly is stopping me? cuz it ain't you

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genderqueerdykes

transhet people are absolutely lovely. straight trans women & straight trans men have a beautiful experience. straight aro and ace people are still queer and live queer lives. straight non binary, genderqueer, gnc, bigender, genderfluid, intersex, two spirit and other queer people are a blessing to our community. any straight queer person belongs, no matter what. cis people can be queer, so can straight people. queer hets belong all the same

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aetriis

transfems i love you.

transmascs i love you.

enbys i love you.

agenders i love you.

demis i love you.

gays i love you.

lesbians i love you.

bisexuals i love you.

pansexuals i love you.

aros i love you.

aces i love you.

everythings gonna be alright soon enough.

don't give up yet, you'll make it out.

people care about you, at least one person does.

because if no one does, itll be me.

stay safe, yall.

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thehaberdasheress

Ever see something so genius you get a bit angry that it never occurred to you?

I naturally get called upon as the grownup who can help my niblings ages 3-10 accomplish sewing or embroidery craft projects, so I've spent all year developing opinions about ways to simplify the learning process by providing age and skill-appropriate scaffolding.

And then someone else gets the idea to make the simple wood toddler lacing boards, except for grownup beginners, and also absolutely GORGEOUS

Have you ever seen anything so incredibly rude??? I want six.

Original shop @ lil stitchy bee

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