Oh well hi, hey there, hello!

Hi stephanie,

I hope this email finds you, as the search and rescue team is otherwise completely out of ideas

x

i once offered a dog treat to a woman’s human baby she was carrying.

STOP I CAN'T 😭

if you are a game designer and you force me to kill wolves AND you have them make sad puppy noises I'm killing you

see this never happens in spider solitaire for windows

The X-Files

He tried to warn us

i got a New Planner which means that i will suddenly and miraculously become organized despite this technique never having worked in the past

by Talos this can't be happening

we are officially in a new era of avatar fandom i am extremely screaming

Back when I worked at walgreens I didn't know witch hazel was a real thing people would come in asking for it and I'd be like yeah it's on aisle 3 next to the wolfsbane and eye of newt you fucking idiot bastard

By talos this can't be happening again

sorry i left u on read i didn’t mean to open it

See you in 1977

It is literally impossible to pick a favorite line from this because the entire thing is gold. 

In lieu of flowers, send more life.

psychological thriller: the man was LYING the whole time! me: i know

can’t believe it’s fucking monday i mean what’s next, tuesday? fuck’s sake

this is the realest shit i’ve ever read

all the french in the notes are like