it's not that I need a quiet day or a day off exactly; it's that I need a pocket of time that exists entirely outside of linear time as we know it that would allow me to get things done without time passing in the real world, and frankly, I don't think that's too much to ask.
2018 was five years ago let that sink in
no fucking way💀
no no guys you don’t get it i made this fucking post in 2018. as a joke. i was like hah could you imagine it being 2023? could never be me! and then completely forgot until right now when someone reblogged it and i was forced to face the horror that it is, in fact, the year 2023 right now.
[Image: a grainy still of Lisa from the Simpsons. She's looking down at her empty plate with wide eyes and an open mouth. End ID.]
I think it's so important to have a "nature" calendar in your head, like a way of tracking time that's completely separate from anything work or obligation related, not holidays or anything stressful. For instance I look forward to august because at 8pm every night house finches hang around my window for a few weeks. In spring I love waiting for the magnolias to blossom. Just ways of tracking the time with zero stakes that's completely removed from life's zeitgeist and that you really look forward to
2023 still sounds like one of those made up distant years someone would accidentally end up in on a time travel mission gone wrong
2023 is next week
2023 is tomorrow
no-
[ID: the surprised Pikachu reaction image. End ID.]
When one thinks about “ancient” Native American civilizations and ruins… the thing is that… most of them, they weren’t ancient. The Inca were not fully conquered by the Spanish until 1572… for reference, the Mona Lisa was painted in 1502 and Martin Luther made the 95 Theses in 1517.. the “ancient” Aztec Empire was younger than the university of Oxford founded in the 11th century, Montezuma lived at the same time than Leonardo Da Vinci… There are castles that are younger than Machu Picchu, those cities were inhabited by millions just a few centuries ago, and some (Cuzco, México), many actually, are still inhabited today. People speak about the Ancient Maya as if it was some mysterious civilization that was lost, and while it was past its prime at the time of European conquest, the Maya still had city-states and were living in the same areas they live today.
There are still millions of people, right now, who speak Quechua, Nahuatl, and Maya in all their dialects, and I’m just talking about the three most well-known civilizations here… there are millions of Native Americans who still speak their languages and practice their culture and beliefs alive, both thriving and struggling today.
Talking about the “Ancient Inca” or “Ancient Aztecs” makes as much sense as talking about the “Ancient Dutch” or the “Ancient Swedes”, and it’s another way of erasing them, saying that they just aren’t around anymore just like say the Sumerians, or that they just weren’t relevant to world history. They were contemporaries to modernity and they’re still alive today.
You can talk about the Ancient Olmecs or Ancient Chavín though. Because the Inca and the Aztecs are relatively “modern” but their cultures were just the latest from a cycle of civilizations stretching millenia before Christ.
Ive had this saved in my phone since April
[Image: a tweet by jacksfilms @/jacksfilms "Ah, September. The first of the final four months. The -embers and -obers. The big boys. The holiday-havin princes. Those other months were cute but it's time for the Real months, baby. These months fuck hard" End description.]
Now that it’s 2021 that means anything that came out in 2001 will be 20 years old so here’s a bunch of movies that will be 20 this year
[The batch of images: movie posters for the first Shrek, the first Harry Potter movie, Legally Blonde, Spirited Away, The Princess Diaries, Barbie Nutcracker, Monsters Inc., Spy Kids and Atlantis: the lost empire.
Last image: tags by @confusinglycarnivorous # smash mount was right # the years start coming and they don't stop coming
/end description.]
Wow the planking meme is a decade old now isn’t it
I salute you, brave warriors of ages past. Also known as when I was in 8th grade.
You're not allowed to make me feel old stoooppp
Shush ur face this meme can't be a decade old it only happened yesterday
2011 was a decade ago whether you like it or not
[ID: a bunch of photos of people standing, or rather laying, in a straight rigid position like a plank. The interesting part is for them to have support under only part of the body while remaining horizontal. We see people do it in order: on top of a store counter with their legs unsupported in the air, with a box under their torso, on top of another person's head, with their upper part on top of a short maybe wall, three people planking one on top of the other on top of a small table, in between to elevator rails with one rail at each end of the body, on top of a pepsi machine,
old person at a corner of a building, three people one above another in between rows of shelves at a library with one row of shelves supporting them under the forehead and another under the ankles, on the ground between two self opening doors so they can't close, over the edge of a suspension bridge, in between to short poles with one under the shoulders and another under the toes, across some kind of railing,
a married couple with the groom on top of the backrest and the bride in between the armrests, on top of a Canterbury sign high in the air, supported only by a concrete pole at the crotch, on top of a trash can, on a microwave,
whole six people in one kitchen with one on top of the high cabinets, one on top of the fridge, one through the window, two between the counter with the sink under the window and the counter with the stove under the cabinets, one criss cross on top of them, and a seventh guy at the door holding alchohol,
on top of a sign that reads "Plank Road", on top of another sign higher in the air, across the humps of two camels, over the railing of an outdoors staircase
/End ID.]
updated birthday wishlist
when I said “overthrow the government”
A finger on the monkey’s paw curls shut.
Goddammit why do we even HAVE that monkey paw????
….genuinely curious now what would happen if i got ahold of a shrivelled monkey’s paw and wished specifically for jeff bozo’s wealth to be redistributed. give me your worst possible predictions
most people said something along the lines of “elon musk inherits it” or “it gets redistributed to the 1%”. that shows NO creativity. behold my favorite prediction:
all i could imagine was the entire human population being crushed to death beneath a sudden massive pile of shiny pennies
oh no people are doing MATH in the notes
you people are incredible
it’s true by the way. it’s called the Three Gorges Dam, completed in 2012, and it did in fact alter the earth’s rotation, slowing it by 0.06 microseconds
[Image 1: a reply in the notes by @thelumpiestpotato "It's redistributed in the smallest coin of the least valuable currency. Everyone is crushed to death"
Image 2 to 6: replies in the notes of people doing math
@cheese-hunter3002 "Venezuelan pennies might do it. Jeff Bezos' wealth in venezuelan pennies is 28.4 quintillian or 2.84*10^19 the average penny is 0.75 inches long. We will be assuming that 20 layers of pennies over 100 inches squared will be enough to kill a single human. Roughly 170 pennies will cover the area of the zone thus since we will be using 20 layers of pennies per person each person will need roughly 30.400 pennies per person. 2.84 quintillian/3400=835,000,000,000. That's 835 billion people. For reference, the current population of earth is close to 8 billion. Jeff Bezos could kill the entire population of earth more than 100 times over"
@bishrexual-manners "400 kg is, on average, enough to crush someone to death reliably. A penny weighs 2.5 grams, so it should take an average of 1,000 pennies to crush the average person. $185,000,000,000x100 is 18,500,000,000,000 pennies or 18,500,000,000 people's worth. That's well over enough to doubly crush everyone."
the user name of the person who made the reply is cut off from the image "So I decided to do the math. Jeff Bezos is worth 182 billion U.S. dollars, which comes out to 18.2 trillion pennies. One penny weighs 2.5 grams, so multiply 18.2 trillion by 0.0025, and we'll find that the total mass of Jeff Bezos' wealth in pennies is 455 billion kilograms, or roughly 100 billion pounds/50 million tons for the Americans in the crowd. For scale, the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa, weighs about a hundredth of that. I don't know astrophysics well enough to say how much of an effect that would have on Earth's orbit, but given that the construction of the Yangtze River Dam had a measurable effect on the length of a day, I can only imagine that it would be substantial."
@mandarb "At the moment that will be the Venezuelan Bolivar. They don't make coins anymore because anything less than a million is essentially worthless, so 2,718,761,100,00 (271 billion) of paper notes. At 1 gram of a note (probably less than that is the weight of a $1 note) that is 27 187 611 kg or 27 000 tons. Divide by 7 billion people, that's actually just 38 grams per person. Even if it were coins, it would be less than a kg per person, so not crushing weight. Limiting it to a country would change that, the population of the US would make it to 823 kg, which is more than enough to kill someone."
@iangeleyesblog "According to wikipedia, the smallest coin of the least valuable currency (including defunct currencies) that I have found is theoretically the venezuelan bolivar. The US dollar to sovereign bolivar is 1,062,000, the sovereign bolivar to bolivar fuerte, is 1:100,000, and the exchange rate for bolivar fuerte to bolivar is 1:1,000. The smallest coin of the bolivar is the 1/5 bolivar coin. This means that by converting the net worth of Jeff Bezos to 1/5 bolivares coins, the amount comes to 96,642,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 or 405,873,496,000,000,000,000 US tons. This is just about 200 times smaller than the moon. In other words, yes, this would be enough to crush everyone on the planet to death."
Image 7: a picture of Chris Fleming with the altered caption "Okay, was anybody going to tell me that the yangtze dam fucked with our gravity and days and stuff or was I just supposed to learn that in a gaud post"
/End ID.]
shen discusses secret months in today’s bluechair
Text in image:
Blue chair
Most people think there are only 12 months in the year. But ohoho! They could not be more wrong.
Have you ever heard of Mapril, the secret month between April and May? I get a lot of work done during Mapril!
Or how about June-uary, the hidden path month that takes you straight from June to January of next year?
Or what about Dark August, the alternative month to normal August? You don't know about that one?
Haha, wait seriously? You don't even know about Dark August?
Good. Never enter Dark August.
/End text.
a friendly reminder from your local korean blogger that “lunar new year” is inclusive of the many cultures who celebrate, and “chinese new year” should be used only if you’re referring to specifically chinese cultural practices of the new year. thank you!!!
people in the notes have raised concerns that the term “lunar new year” erases jewish practices of rosh hashanah or islamic practices of hijri new year. i did not invent the term “lunar new year” and can only say that it’s the general, common term used to refer to the (mostly east) asian new year celebrations that occur in late january or early february. i welcome muslim or jewish folks to speak on whether or not the term feels exclusive to them, but as the original post implies, the point of the meme is to stop white people from perpetuating the idea that all asian culture is chinese.
Non-Jews clowning in the notes trying to white knight yourselves about Rosh Hashanah: shut up
Lunar New Year is a perfectly acceptable and accurate term for Asian New Year celebrations. Lunar New Year is used to refer to East Asian celebrations which fall on the first new moon of the Lunar calendar.
The Hebrew Calendar is lunar, correct. But our New Year - Rosh Hashanah - falls on 1st Tishrei (around September/October on the Gregorian calendar) and is celebrated as the anniversary of the creation of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.
While our New Year is technically a Lunar New Year in so far as it’s “a New Year celebrated on the Lunar Calendar”, I can guarantee you that when you say Lunar New Year, there is not a single Jew that thinks you’re talking about Rosh Hashanah.
Stop trying to use me as a weapon against asian folks. I see you and I’m mad about it.
Just gonna tack onto Ash’s wonderful addition that you should stop using Muslims to be racist against Asians, too.
Muslims refer to our lunar calendar as the Hijri calendar. We have never referred to it as a lunar calendar. And we refer to our new year as the Hijri New Year.
Asians using the term “lunar new year” does not erase us or invalidate us either because that’s simply a term we (Muslims) do not use!
As previously stated, “lunar new year” is predominantly used by Asians so to deny them that would be to invalidate them and their traditions.
[ID: The first image is an image of shrek looking disgusted with a caption saying “Chinese New Year” and a second with shrek smiling captioned “Lunar New Year”. The second image is a wikipedia entry reading “Lunar New Year, in some regions, is based on lunisolar calendar, it is the beginning of a calendar cycle whose months are cycles of the moon and cycles of the sun. In the present day, Lunar New Year mostly refers to the East Asian new years celebrated on the same date, the most influencial of which is the chinese new year. The last image is a depiction of Moses commanding the red see with eyed edited to be gleaming and text reading “Shut the fuck up gentile”.]
imagine being named April or January or whatever & being confused bc that’s not when your birthday is and your parents say “oh we just liked the name it has nothing to do with your birth” but then you realize you were born 9 months after the month u are named for
fun fact! a bunch of people in the notes are doing the math & realizing that they/their siblings were conceived to birthday/holiday/anniversary nookie. I am absolutely delighted to have been able to ruin the day of so many people at once!
You can’t just leave that in the notes
[ID: a comment by tumblr user @spoopy-miakitty "I'm trying to get pregnant right now and if I succeed this month my child will probably think they're the result of V day sex, but they're not, I'm just trying to get a Halloween birthday for them" End ID.]
US Elevation.
by @cstats1
man the Appalachian mountains really aren’t shit huh
The Rockies are new, young and virile and fresh from the Laramide orogeny, tall and lanky teenagers on the geological scale. the Appalachian mountains are old, formed hundreds of millions of years ago before dinosaurs walked the Earth. They are ancients, elders, witnesses to half a billion years of life coming and going. To be tall is not a virtue. To be small is not a sin. The Appalachians are eroding under the weight of time, slowly shrinking and returning to the Earth from which they sprang. Appreciate them while they are still here.
I do want to say real quick again about the age of the Appalachians…
They said “before dinosaurs,” but we have a cave here that began forming between 450 million to 550 million years ago.
There are no bones in that cave. No fossils. No nothing.
That’s because this cave began forming before bones existed on land, and had only just started to exist in the ocean. Shellfish hadn’t evolved yet. Limestone, which forms many caves, was just starting to become a more prevalent rock.
The mountains aren’t older than dinosaurs. They are older than bones.
Okay, that is impressive.
i was not ready for that information
2012 I’m fucking ready…come at me!!!
date of origin: 23rd of august, 2011.
[tweet by Laureen Bazzi @laureenbazzi: idk how to explain this but thursday, october, and 8:00pm are all the same end ID]
80% of the work week, 83.3333% of the day at 8pm, 83.333% of the year in October.
It’s so charming to see this on my dash because Thursday, October, and the number 8 are all the same rusty brown-orange color according to my synesthesia.
THIS!
Reblogging this too for folks with anxiety like myself who feel bad when they say they’re too busy but they don’t have every second accounted for doing something so they feel almost like they’re lying. Self-care goes on your schedule too, lovelies.
[ID: a tweet by Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji "Tired of explaining that 'I don't have the time' doesn't mean 'literally every second of the day is accounted for', but rather 'I'm giving as much of myself as I'm currently able to give'" End ID.]
A quick translation:
Dude: OK, guys, let’s assign the disasters. Hum, tsunami. Who wants the tsunami?
2004: Yeah, I’ll have the tsunami.
Dude: OK, 2004 has the tsunami. 2012, do you still want the asteroid?
2012: Nah, no need.
Dude: Cool, let’s schedule that for 2030. OK, 2020, I have-
2020: FIRES.
Dude: OK, we can do fires, no problem-
2020: NUCLEAR TENSION.
Dude: Fires and… nuclear tension?
2020: PANDEMIC.
Dude: 2020, you can’t just- just have EVERYTHING-
2020: KOBE BRYANT DIES IN A HELICOPTER ACCIDENT.
1986: Wh-who’s Kobe Bryant?
1347: Heli-what?
Dude: So, you’re asking for fires, nuclear tension, a pandemic AND the death of basketball legend in your year!?
2020: TILL MARCH.
Dude: C’mon. Guys, help me with this.
1986: I would say something, but… CHERNOBYL! Oops, am I right?
2014: At least you still have the twin towers.
2000: Wait, what do you mean?
1347: I agree that 2020 is pushing it-
1945: YOU’RE LITERALLY- You’re the high point of the Bubonic plague!
1347: Oh, much apologies, Sir TWO ATONIC BOMBS!
1945: It’s ATOMIC, you f*ing medieval-
1347: Who are you calling medieval, G.I. Joe. Go play with your-
1945: Here we go again-
2000: Now, seriously, what-
1: Y’all want BREAD?!
1347, with a funny accent: Look at me! I have ME.DI.CI.NE.
