must there be a title

I do think it's pretty funny that fanfic premises based on illegitimate kids as an excuse for crossovers over the years have gone from "Mom character CHEATED on Dad character 😡" to "once upon a time, mommy and daddy had a threesome and now we have YOU!" lmaoooo. People don't want marital discord they just want a third parent

This post is "three parents living happily in one house" erasure smh

Only two parents? In *this* economy?

I love this post. I LOVE this post. When I was in Kindergarten, my teacher wanted to show my family a drawing we were supposed to do if our parents or family members (something like that). At that time, I was living in the house with my mother, my aunt, my grandparents, and my dad would visit sometimes on the weekend. As a baby, my mom was involved with a gay man who even after he came out stayed close with the family (there’s tons of pictures of him holding me as a baby). Anyway, they showed the picture I drew, where I told my teacher I had FIVE PARENTS.

I was an only child, but I was never lonely. My aunt was like the cool big sister, my grandpa pushed me on the swing and taught me about yardwork and exposed me to classic musicals, my grandma is the reason I can cook and bake.

It doesn’t matter how they get there: more people in your child’s life is a good thing.

Fast forward to when I am 15. My grandparents adopt me. My aunt legally becomes my sister, her children legally become my niece and nephew, my grandfather, almost near retirement, gets to joke around with his office that he has a teenager at home and she’s accomplishing xyz insert whatever activity they were keeping me busy with. My grandparents wouldn’t have it any other way.

You know who “gave me away” at my wedding? Six different people all in unison agreeing to help me and my husband on our journey.

I had TWO father/daughter dances that night. No one batted an eye.

More people doesn’t make your kid’s life complicated. It makes it better, I promise. It takes a village. Whether that village comes about organically, legally, through marriage, or polyamory.

I didn't initially tap this post as good poly rep (you can tell it was my second thought), but I am always of the opinion that you can have as many parents in your life as are there are people willing to raise you. There is no such thing as 'replacing a rightful role'; there are only people who love you and are willing to put the time in to be there for you, and your willingness to receive them. Likewise, I imagine, come partners and children.

Thank you for adding your experience.

[Image: a comic.

Panel 1: red haired man is praying next to a green wall, "Dear God, what makes an ideal marriage?" A voice from above answers, "Three people, minimum."

Panel 2: man is confused, "I thought you weren't down with that sort of thing." God responds, "Think of the children!"

Panel 3: god goes on above man's head, "You guys have been doubling parental childcare responsibilities every twenty years for the last century, but the standard total number of parents has stayed at two!'

Panel 4: continues, "Are you insane? You're gonna hands-on raise a family having only two adults who both have full time jobs? Do you hate yourselves?" Man now has a serious face on.

Panel 5: distant look at the man standing in a green bedroom and clenching his fists.

Panel 6: man is striding with purpose through a corridor.

Panel 7: man says, "Wife! I was praying tonight and I think we need to add a dude to our marriage who likes childcare and baking." He's pointing at a woman with brown hair and a pink shirt. She raises her hands and proclaims "God is good! God is good!" There are two smaller characters next to each other in the background. Probably the children.

/End description.]

NEW DRAW UR OT3 MEME. PICK ALMOST LITERALLY ANY FRAME

[VD: an orange cat and a black-and-white cat incessantly licking each other's faces. a calico appears and inserts herself between the other two cats, and after a moment they start licking her instead. overlaid text reads "calico (pink bow emoji) is jealous her boyfriends started kissing." end VD]

[image description 1: a tweet by someone whose username and handle is blacked out, saying,

"one time at a party i kissed someone's girlfriend and to make sure he wasn't mad about it i just kissed him too.... i blacked out and woke up to a text in a groupchat with both of them that said 'did u make it home safe baby? ❤'"]

[image description 2: an edited version of the 'girl and boy texting in bed' meme that goes,

boy: you're so beautiful

girl: I have a boyfriend

boy: you deserve two Boyfriends

the 'boyfriends' is clearly edited in]

[transcript 3: I'm Finna just join somebody else relationship.. 👭👭 Bitch scoot over.. I love y'all.. 🤷‍♀]

[image description 4: a post by @/jame7t that says,

"MEN! Remember to use your Power Walk when gathering groceries. This will make you faster so you can go home to your husband and wife."]

My favorite rejected New Yorker submission

Are you winning son

i misread this at first as saying "my best friend! and my wife! in my best friend and my wife's bed!" and made this

before realizing it does not in fact say that

[Image 1: sketch of a fully dressed guy in the door of bedroom where two naked people are laying under the sheets. They don't seem upset or alarmed at his presence. Text in quotes below, "Oh, my god - my best friend! And my best friend's wife! In my best friend and his wife's bed!"

Image 2: meme. Black and white photo of Robert Downey Junior with caption, "his best friend is also his metamour"

/End description.]

[TRANSCRIPT:

Mafia dude: BOSS! We found out who the mole is! It’s polyamorous Tony.

Mafia leader: that rat fuck! I want him dead! I want his wife dead! I want his wife dead! I want his wife dead! I want his wi-

END TRANSCRIPT]

Being polyam is FR like "I'm not aro/ace but I believe in their beliefs"

Posted this an hour ago and already got the tags peer-reviewed twice so here they are in the main post for all to see: #sexual stuff doesn't make/break/define a relationship #People can be meaningful to you in a variety of ways and these are all valuable #The nuclear family is a false ideal #I could go on

As an aroace, right back at you OP! I've legitimately thought about making an 'I'm not polyamorous but I believe in their beliefs' post before.

It's us together against amatonormativity and traditional relationship hierarchy. ✊

[ID: The meme of two extremely muscular people clasping hands in solidarity. One person is labelled "Polyam" and the other is labelled "AroAce". Their hands are labelled with three different statements, repeating the sentiments of the tags in above post: 1, "relationships do not need to be defined by sexuality", 2, "people can be meaningful to you in a variety of ways and these are all valuable", and 3, "the nuclear family is a lie!" with the world 'lie' written in caps. End ID.]

[ID: A text conversation that goes as follows:

Grey: "you got a bf?"

Blue: "I got a few, why?"

Grey: "add me to the roster"

Blue: "smart man, I like it"

/End ID]

@lemon-juice-thief

hi i just found out it's polyamory day so happy polyamory day to:

and to anyone else i forgot to mention :]

thinking about this older Black lesbian i met once (genuinely older, like, in her 50s), who said that while she's polyamorous she's not in a polycule, she's part of a galaxy. she explained that some people were planets, they were a big part of her life and very consistently present, others were comets, only in her life for a little while but enjoyably so, and others were moons, present, but not as present or consistent as others. and the way she talked about it and the smile on her face were both beautiful.

i just really love this idea. way too many polyamory set ups are like "this is my wife and my almost-wife", just echoing straight marriages with a small twist, and not only is this a model that breaks away from that, it also allows for like, the reality of how even the people who love you might not always be available, whether because of time or distance or disability, and that's okay. i think i might adopt this model, actually.

V grumpy today ok bye

Co-signed in grumpy solidarity, because some of y’all didn’t live through the gay-panic HIV/AIDS moral hysteria of the ‘80s, and it shows.

Hair-splitting internecine infighting is exactly what the people who want us dead want us to be doing. When you try to gatekeep queerness, you’re doing their work for them. Please, for the love of everything good, knock it off.

The first time I tried to transition was in Alabama in the the early 2010s.

To keep it brief, it was hell.

It was so dangerous, I was forced to detransition and did not get the opportunity to do so again until a decade later, when I lived a very different environment and time.

A lot can change in a decade.

But I need the younger or more privileged and sheltered queer people to understand something: if it was that bad for me, a skinny white trans guy who did not look visibly disabled? How fucking bad do you think that place and time was for anyone who didn't have that leverage?

I survived by the skin of my teeth and through sheer luck; there were multiple situations I got caught in that nearly sent me down the river. And there are people who looked like me and identified like me who did not get lucky. And folks who were not white or skinny or any other factors? A lot of them did not make it. They fucking did not make it.

Because it was that bad. And in a lot of places, it is still that bad.

And that shit is what is coming. It is coming for your coastal blue cities, it is coming for your blue pockets and liberal schools, and for a lot of people, it is already here.

And the only thing that is going to keep that hateful, murdering cancer from eating us all alive is sticking together and fighting like our lives depend on it.

Because they do.

YES.

Stop expecting queer or LGBT+ to be coherent categories.

“Queer” was a slur, and it was used by clueless idiots.

Now we’re reclaiming it to fight our shared enemy.

My spouse and I are het-passing, but we are queer. We are both bi individuals, who happen to be in a marriage with someone who is opposite our own gender. But being in a straight-passing marriage doesn’t mean our desires for our same gender go away. Let’s focus on the ones that want to take all of our rights away, and not try to decide which flavor of queer gets to stay.

[Video: a tik tok in which a fat pale person with short brown hair and glasses talks. Text next to them reads, “he/they”. The captions are accurate but I want to type it out anyway.

“Okay. Having now seen a tweet where someone said that, a couple that is a trans man and a trans woman is a straight couple, and is not queer. I have, I think, just about reached the end of my rope. And, y'all really need to think about, um, the way that queerness is viewed not by us, but by people outside of our community.

So when you're asking yourself, does this identity "count as queer"? What I want you to do is, I want you to think of the most conservative, uh, hateful place. The most conservative hateful people you've ever known. And then I want you to ask yourself, in that place with those people, would someone with that presentation, with that identity, with that relationship form, with that sexuality, with that gender, any of it. Would they get fired? Would they get evicted? Would they get the shit beaten out of them? Would they get killed? And if the answer to any of those things is yes, then that identity is in solidarity with us. That identity is queer.

And of course, before someone pops in my like, notes saying something ridiculous. Of course I'm talking about relationships between consenting adults. So we're gonna stop right there. Okay?

But does that include kinksters? Yeah, it includes kinksters. Does that include polyam people? Yeah, that includes polyam people. That includes Ace people. That includes aro people. That includes you know straight trans people who live completely stealth, like heterosexual trans people who live completely stealth.

Um, because if you think that, you know, a het presenting, whatever you want to call it, a trans man and a trans woman, um, aren't in danger from homophobes. I mean, completely stealth trans man isn't in danger? Why don't you ask Brandon Teena? I guess you can't, because he got the shit beaten out of him and he died, right?

So, y'all grew up in an environment that, is very different from the one that I drew up in. And I think to a certain extent, some of the younger folks in this community don't understand what's coming, and the danger that we're in.

We do not have time for all of this penny-ante nonsense. We just don't have time for it. You can fight over who doesn't belong, like later, when we're not literally fighting for our lives. Until then I'm, I don't want to hear any more of it. I'm done. I'm absolutely done.”

End description.]

You know maybe amatonormativity exists but it's hard to say that when I'm 90% sure gay people were not being encouraged to seek out relationships by the wider culture until maybe 2005-ish

what's amatonormativity?

A Tumblr-based sociological theory that boils down to "compulsory alloromanticism" but I've also seen it defined to include monogamy as another expectation under the header of amatonormativity

Amatonormativity is not tumblr based- it was not created on tumblr nor was it popularised on tumblr. Amatonormativity was not even coined by asexual people or with asexual people in mind exclusively. 

Amantonormativity was coined by feminist academic Elizabeth Brake in her book “Minimising Marriage” to refer to:

Amatornormativity doesn’t just affect asexual and aromantic people. Whilst it’s often asexual and aromantic people you see talking about amatonormativity (because we become hyper aware of it due to how it affects us), it actually impacts the lives of people of all orientations, including LGBT+ people.

Amatonormativity in practice is…

And much more…

Also the way turning down a request for a date, while single, is often viewed as some sort of terrible insult instead of an analysis of poor compatibility.

Also the idea that it’s wrong to break up with someone unless they’ve done something objectively terrible enough to “deserve it” rather than because the relationship isn’t doing anything for you.

It also encourages people to stay in abusive relationships because it pushes being in a relationship is the highest priority/being alone is terrible.

Also....

“I'm 90% sure gay people were not being encouraged to seek out relationships by the wider culture until maybe 2005-ish”

Yes.

Yes, they were.

They were encouraged to seek out heterosexual relationships.

You can’t uncouple Amantonormativity from Heteronormativity. One is built into the other. Heteronormativity means there is one right way to have a life, and that way is being straight, is falling in love, being monogamous, is complying to certain standards of beauty, it’s being white and thin and abled. 

ALL of those things go into the ideal norm that is oppressing ALL OF US. It doesn’t matter in WHICH way you stray from the heteronormative ideal --- if you’re polyamorous or if you’re gay or if you don’t fall in love or you love while disabled. ANY WAY you stray from it is punished. 

Amatonormativity is not just “you must fall in love.” It’s “You must fall in love in the right way with the right person.”

So yes, amatonormativity is absolutely linked to heteronormativity.

And, as ace-and-ranty hinted, it is also linked to the supremacy of monogamy. Amatonormativity also excludes all forms of polyamory.

It also has something to do with why gays successfully got gay marriage before they got, say, “federal protection from discrimination in adoption cases” or “the right to be gender nonconforming in public school”. People who think it’s weird to see a man in a dress can still wrap their head around “he wants to marry the man he loves” because all you did was swap the expected pronouns.

Amatonormativity does pressure people into heteronormative relationships, but it also exists within the gay community and allies, to place a monogamous marriage to a same-sex partner above, say, a polyamorous polycule, or an asexual living with a queerplatonic friend.

Add to the list: the expectation that various other things should be cheerfully sacrificed for the health of the marriage. If one partner suddenly wants more kids, or for their partner to quit a job/turn down a promotion/break off a friendship, people will often view the other partner as selfish and unreasonable if they don’t put “the marriage” (really the other person’s wants, disguised as or promoted to the whole marriage) ahead of their own priorities and desires, even if the other person has suddenly dropped a completely unexpected wish on their heads after never indicating such an issue previously.

I’ve seen a Reddit thread where someone’s significant other---girlfriend, not spouse---wanted them to break off a lifelong (20+ year) close friendship due to feelings of insecurity about the relationship, and there were people lining up to insist that the romantic relationship took precedence over the friendship, and I wanted to make an account and jump in asking them how many of their exes they considered more important than their longest-lasting, closest friendship.

Not only because romantic relationships don’t always last and this person was statistically likely to become an ex, and not just because isolating one’s significant other from their friends is usually a red flag, but because the friendship had not been concealed from the significant other and either they hadn’t been around long enough to attain seriousness enough to jettison a lifelong friendship over (for the same reason you don’t marry someone you’ve known for a couple months) or they’d sprung this on the OP out of nowhere after it not being a problem previously. Either way, a lifelong friendship has value and it’s weird to see people think it should be so lightly discarded, just because Romantic Relationship More Important (regardless of length or quality).

There’s also a tendency, running alongside the primacy of the romantic partnership, to view a person who’s become your romantic partner as yours to change, or even view your desire for a particular person to expect them to change to get you.

People do a disturbing amount of getting with someone they’re not well compatible with just because they like them in other ways, with the full intention of expecting them to change once they’re dating, or demanding that they change once the relationship is established enough to be painful if broken, hoping and often banking on the other person reshaping themselves for the relationship. People also do a disturbing amount of lying about themselves to make themselves temporarily more attractive, in the hopes of getting the other person attached before they reveal the truth.

(While we’re at it, add the viewing of unrequited romantic love as a preventable tragedy that could be fixed by the recipient “giving them a chance” or trying to love them back or just accepting a relationship with them, especially as if they get to claim placeholder rights if the person is single. For that matter, add the tendency to preface and pre-strengthen an attempt to date someone by asking if they’re single.)

Ironically but unsurprisingly, a whole goddamn lot of the functions of amatonormativity come at the expense of actual love.

[Image description: a comic.

It starts with the text "What people think being poly/non-monogamous is like". Below that is drawn a pale person in an orange hoodie, with their long red hair tied in a bun. They have their arms raised in a shrug, and their speech bubbles read "I cheat on all my partners, I have orgies every day and I don't care about the people I date! I'm poly so it's okay!"

After that is the text "What being poly/non-monogamous is actually like". Below that is a dark skinned person with long brown hair, wearing a white shirt and blue jeans. They kiss the cheek of the same redhead from before, who's twiddling their thumbs and seems shy.

Their conversation goes, "Bye babe, have fun on your date." and, "Thanks... I'm nervous..."

Next drawing shows the dark haired person with their arms crossed, and smiling at their blushing partner. "Don't be, she's gonna love you! I'd know!" and, "But she is so smart, and pretty! It's really intimidating!"

After that, the dark skinned person hugs and kisses the redhead on the cheek. "Well if it doesn't go well, call me and I'll pick you up. I'll have pizza and Netflix ready!" The redhead, now smiling, responds, "You're the best girlfriend!" To which said girlfriend says, "I know❤"

In the last panel the dark haired girlfriend walks away and they wave at each other. The speech bubbles read, "And you better charm her because otherwise I will ask her out! She really is pretty!" and, "...I know you would!"

End description.]

[Video: tik tok by @/pandoramonrose . The captions read, "You have 2 husbands?? 2 wives, but yes!" There is a black woman in an orange top and a heart necklace that points to the second sentence of captions as it appears above her head. She makes a "come here" gesture to one side and a butch woman comes to kiss her cheek, wink at the camera, and retreat back off screen. Then she makes the same gesture on her other side and another butch woman comes to kiss her cheek before retreating. The woman in orange takes a step back so the two butch women can clasp a hand between themselves as a greeting. Then they move to the background so she can come forward to raise a brow at the camera. The audio is Poison by Bell Biv DeVoe. End video description.]

can y’all just… like or reblog if y’all are polyam-safe blogs

•we don’t want to be oppressed

•polyam relationships can be nonsexual, and assuming they are is just stereotyping

•legally monogamous relationships are the only ones allowed in the untited states

•we are oppressed

•keep your opinions to your fucking self

.. can I add a lil bit?

-there’s more stigma/assumptions/etc. about being poly than one would think (especially if youre BIPOC, which DISCLAIMER: Im not) -theres more possible emotional shit involved, and those who can go through possibly multiple breakups/issues are fuckin STRONG -adding to the legal side; poly families cannot have legal rights to custody unless one parent(s) are the bio mother/father/parent . (in the USA) -please fuck off if you dont believe in polyamoury. I get if you dont want it for yourself, but that doesnt mean others shouldnt have it.

If I could also add… anti-polyam messages are fucking everywhere. How many times have you heard people say things like “Finding the one” or “Other half?” I’d guess pretty often. Or bullshit like “If you really loved someone, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with another person,” I see that one a lot. 

And love triangles? Fucking love triangles? Everyone knows they’re completely overused. Do you genuinely not understand how love triangles are harmful to polyam people? The concept of “I’m in love with two people but I must choose because I have to love only one person at a time and being with them both is not okay?” That’s fucking annoying to read, especially with how popular love triangles are.

(If the characters in the love triangle consider polyamorous relationships and decide it’s not something they personally want to do, that’s alright, but I have yet to see that literally anywhere.)

Just because you’re privileged enough not to notice oppression doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Also literally being compared to non-human species in media AND fanatic religious cults

Can I just point out that even when you’re in a monogamous relationship, adhering to what is “currently the only culturally acceptable option in present day society”, there are countless failings of our society that would indicate that raising a family, or even just running a household requires more than two people.

[ID: a comment in the notes by @seitanicritual that reads, " 'poly safe' imao y'all wanna be oppressed for fucking more than one person so bad" /end ID.]

[ID: Tweet by max: academic bitch✨ @madeline_starr that says: everyone thinks polyamory is like really intense and nasty s*x [sex] but 90% of the time it is just “hey i’m gonna go out w this other person tonight” “Great that gives me a whole night to watch tv you don’t want to watch” \End ID]