Gryffindor: Honey can you wash the window blankets please?
Ravenclaw: …did you just call curtains window blankets?
Gryffindor: *sees cute couple walking together happily* I wish I could be that happy with someone…
Ravenclaw: I am sat right here…
Gryffindor: What?
Ravenclaw: What?
Gryffindor: I hate when Ravenclaw says, “Are you even listening to me?” It’s such a random way to start a conversation…
Ravenclaw: Lesbians! What is your wisdom?
Slytherin: The galaxy is nothing but a cold and cruel wasteland. Our only comfort in life is the warm embrace of our lovers.
Gryffindor: Girls are hot.
Gryffindor: I know you don’t like that shirt- but I could definitely pull it off.
Ravenclaw: *mumbles* Oh my god please do.
Gryffindor: What?
Ravenclaw: W H A T?
Gryffindor: Hitting the gym to release stress is really not as effective as hitting the people who caused the stress.
Ravenclaw: *Backs away slowly*
Slytherin: *Jumps out the window*
Slytherin: Gryffindor?
Gryffindor: How do you always spot me so easily? I want to know your secret!
Ravenclaw: She says ‘Gryffindor’ every five minutes and sometimes you’re actually there, so it gives the illusion that she can see everything.
Ravenclaw: I have some concerns…
Gryffindor: Okay, what’s up?
Ravenclaw: There are continuity errors between Jurassic Park and The Lost World.
Gryffindor: Oh my god. I thought you meant life problems. Not the goddamn dinosaurs again.
Ravenclaw: THESE ARE LIFE PROBLEMS!
Gryffindor: Thank you for not saying “I told you so”.
Ravenclaw: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it.
Hufflepuff: You two seem kind of out of it today. What did you eat for breakfast?
Ravenclaw: Don’t be silly, what I ate this morning has nothing to do with my current state.
Hufflepuff: Gryffindor, what was your breakfast?
Gryffindor: M&M cereal.
Hufflepuff: Oh god, you see! That’s what I mean, I didn’t even know M&Ms made a cereal!
Gryffindor: They don’t, it’s just M&Ms in a bowl with milk.
Gryffindor: I accidentally cut myself.
Ravenclaw: That’s what you get for using a box cut in a horrifically unsafe way.
Gryffindor: Jokes on you, I didn’t cut myself on the box cutter.
Ravenclaw:
Gryffindor: It was the paint scraper, and I only used that in a mildly unsafe way.
Gryffindor: I’ll bet my whole month’s wages!
Slytherin: …You’re betting eight dollars?
Hufflepuff: Slytherin only pays you eight dollars a month?!
Gryffindor: He’s afraid if he gives me more, I’ll hop a train back to my hometown and leave him.
Ravenclaw: That’s stupid!
Gryffindor: No, not really.
Hufflepuff: Ravenclaw, you have a lot to offer. You’re funny, you’re smart.
Gryffindor: You’re creative, you’ve got great style.
Slytherin:
Slytherin: Oh, did you want me to say something? Uh, you have dark hair. Your name is Ravenclaw.
Ravenclaw: Thanks Slytherin.
Ravenclaw: I was extremely upset on a family vacation once and I asked my brother Gryffindor how he always stays so calm and he said that he tries not to think about anything that isn’t boobs or swords and every day I try to live up to that example.
Ravenclaw: It’s so frustrating.
Gryffindor: What?
Ravenclaw: How Hufflepuff keeps dropping such obvious hints that he’s into Slytherin but he’s just completely oblivious.
Gryffindor: *wearing a shirt with “PLEASE DATE ME RAVENCLAW” written on the front*
Gryffindor: Haha yeah.
Gryffindor: Guys, I think we should split up. We’ll cover more ground that way.
Ravenclaw: Good idea.
Gryffindor: *leaves*
Ravenclaw: *turns to the other houses* Gryffindor is full of terrible ideas. Let’s not split up.
Ravenclaw: What was the first thing Hufflepuff did after getting shot at?
Slytherin: He called to let me know he was okay.
Ravenclaw: Okay, and what did Gryffindor do?
Slytherin: He ate a banana.
#s:psych#to be fair potassium helps blood to clot better but I don’t think it’s doing much for a bullet wound#all of da houses#harry potter#hogwartshousefriends#hp#hogwarts#incorrecthogwarts#slytherin#ravenclaw#hufflepuff#gryffindor#slytherdor#slythendor#slytherin/gryffindor#slytherclaw#slytherpuff#ravendor#gryffinclaw#gryffinpuff#huffledor#ravenpuff#huffleclaw