Gryffindor: Honey can you wash the window blankets please?
Ravenclaw: …did you just call curtains window blankets?
Gryffindor: *sees cute couple walking together happily* I wish I could be that happy with someone…
Ravenclaw: I am sat right here…
Gryffindor: What?
Ravenclaw: What?
Hufflepuff: *opening the car door for Slytherin*
Slytherin: *teasing* So chivalrous.
Hufflepuff: Honestly, Slytherin, get in before I slam the door on you.
Hufflepuff: Where are we going?
Slytherin: *driving* Not a murder spot.
Hufflepuff: Is it a surprise?
Slytherin: If you want it to be. But it might be a disappointing one.
Hufflepuff: The world’s largest ball of yarn?
Slytherin: That would disappoint you?
Hufflepuff: No, but I thought you might think it would.
Slytherin: There are certain wonders that no man can face without weeping, Hufflepuff. A giant ball of yarn is one of them.
Gryffindor: Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if I help someone else do nothing. I’d work all night if it meant nothing got done.
Ravenclaw: Eat spicy food while pregnant. You’re baby will become a fire mage. Yes, I am a doctor.
Slytherin: I accidentally showed some weakness earlier today it was disgusting, I would not recommend it.
Gryffindor: I hate when Ravenclaw says, “Are you even listening to me?” It’s such a random way to start a conversation…
Slytherin: *as a young naïve child* I hope something good happens.
Slytherin: *now* I hope whatever bad thing happens is at least pretty funny.
Ravenclaw: Up until today I thought you were good at math.
Hufflepuff: I’m gay! What did you expect???
“I’m a simple woman, I hear the Pirates of the Caribbean music, I become gripped with the urge to don pirate garb and fight cursed skeletons upon the open sea.”
-Gryffindor
Hufflepuff: Hey, can you teach me to shoot a gun?
Slytherin: …You’re a pacifist…
Hufflepuff: It’s not for fighting.
Slytherin: Then what the fuck do you need to learn how to fire a gun for?
Hufflepuff: Carnival game.
Slytherin: …What?
Hufflepuff: A carnival game. There’s a prize in one of the stalls and I need it.
Slytherin: You know you can buy those prizes for cheap online right?
Hufflepuff: I can’t do that.
Slytherin: Why not?
Hufflepuff: …It’s a matter of pride.
Slytherin: Oh for fucks sake.
Gryffindor: Slytherin, look, I’m melting butter!
Slytherin: That’s great, Gryffindor. You have now mastered the skills of a hot day.
“English majors read 7 books in total and then never shut up about any of them.”
-Ravenclaw
Slytherin: *to Hufflepuff* I want to be the last person who ever kisses you…
Slytherin: That sounds bad, like a death threat or something.
Slytherin: What I’m trying to say is, you’re it. This is it for me.
Ravenclaw: *to Slytherin* What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic… But it was also wrong.
Ravenclaw: Lesbians! What is your wisdom?
Slytherin: The galaxy is nothing but a cold and cruel wasteland. Our only comfort in life is the warm embrace of our lovers.
Gryffindor: Girls are hot.