I am feeling very hurt today.

For context, I went to high school in well-off, suburban Utah, although I didn't grow up there. My family still lives there. It's a VERY Mormon- and white-dominated location.

Last night, I was on the phone with my mom, just catching up, making plans for the weekend, the typical Phone Home Because Your Mom Misses You.

She told me that there were plans to build a warming shelter for the homeless in the town. I was excited -- I'd just been to a workshop about homelessness, and me and my friends had exchanged some heartfelt stories about our experiences with homeless friends, family, ward members, et cetera. But then she followed it up by telling me that many folks in the town were strongly against it -- mad that there would be a warming shelter in the town, yelling about it on Facebook groups, protesting at city council meetings. None of them wanted a warming shelter in their town. Hundreds of people, upset.

I've never felt more disheartened. Over half of the people in that town are members of the Church. The chances that there were Mormons at that city council meeting, yelling angrily about a warming shelter are astronomically high.

What God are they following?

What Christ did they get baptized to?

What scriptures do they read? Did they not get the chance to read Proverbs 19:17, Matthew 25:35-36, Luke 3:11, James 2:15-16, 1 John 3:17, Deuteronomy 15:11, Psalms 82:3-4, Proverbs 14:31, Isaiah 58:10, Mosiah 4:16-26, Alma 34:28-29, Mosiah 18:28-30, 3 Nephi 12:3, or Jacob 2:13-17?

What commandments are they following? What "love one another" do they ascribe to?

What has the name of Christ become in this day and age?

The devil turning evil into good and good into evil has never been so obvious. What perversion of gospel principles can possibly lead someone to riot against a warming shelter -- not even a homeless shelter? A place for people to stay alive in the blistering cold.

"Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." The 'members' that have fought against this have, effectively, spit in the face of the Lord. Where has Christlike compassion gone?

Bad news: I got a C on my bio exam

Good news: I finished it 2 hours early so now I have plenty of time to go to UVU's Gay Institute!! 🏳️‍🌈 Very excited <3

I do not know what Christ's opinion on abortion is, but I know He would stand with the woman who had one. He would face her accusers and tell them that they were not blameless before God, either. He would chastise them for being imperfect mortals yet trying to impose the will of God. He would tell them not to rape, even to pluck out their eyes or cut off their hands if they felt like they could not control themselves. He would tell the woman that her sins are forgiven.

I do not know what Christ's opinion on immigration is, but I do know that he was a refugee himself. I know that Joseph (Jesus' father) took his family and fled into Egypt to avoid murder at the hands of Herod and his soldiers. I do not know if Christ wants to build a border wall, but I do know that He was in their shoes once, and would invite all to partake of the wonderful offerings of a nation overflowing with blessings.

I do not know what Christ's opinion on climate change is, but I do know that He, along with the help of His Father, created this Earth. I know that He taught us to treat our bodies as temples -- would He not want us to treat Our earth similarly? I do not know if Christ wants to spend more tax money on renewable resources, but I know He would be ashamed at our greedy use of the Earth without consideration for the generations after us.

I do not know what Christ's opinion on universal healthcare is, but I do know that He healed every ill person he came across. I know He did not want payment; He did not even accept payment -- He simply did it because of His love for mankind. I know He would want us to extend that kindness to the least of us.

I do not know what Christ's opinion on the homeless is, but I know that He invited them to learn from him and eat at his table. I know that He healed them, offered them food, and showed them genuine love. I do not know if He would support using taxes to pay for housing for the homeless, but I know that He said that "inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

I do not know what party Christ would caucus with, but I do know what he stood for. He stood for building communities instead of individuals, He stood for improving oneself, He stood for allowing everyone their free agency to do as they wish, He stood for freely giving what you have been given to help others, He stood for separating church and state, and He stood for unconditional love.

You cannot use Christ to justify your hatred, simply because Christ himself held no hate in his heart.

The Lord decided my political outrage was too powerful to be let out in the wild so he gave me coronavirus to slow my roll

Listen, I love "And if we go to hell, we will turn the Devils out of doors and make a heaven of it" as much as the next person, but I feel like we forget about the following lines, which hit just as hard: "What do we care where we are if the society be good? I don’t care what a man’s character is, if he’s my friend, a true friend, I will be a friend to him and preach the Gospel of salvation to him, and give him good counsel, helping him out of his difficulties. Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism to revolutionize and civilize the world, and cause wars and contentions to cease, and men to become friends and brothers"

In this time, it can feel like everyone around us has betrayed us. But it's important to remember that we do have friends -- people we can rely on. People who are our good society. Do not let yourself fall prey to catastrophizing narratives. We will make it, but not alone. We need each other. We must stick together like fire ants in a flood.

Please, text your trans friend. And your disabled friend. And your immigrant friend. Let them know you are here for them. We all need to hear it. So be the person you would want to hear from.

Mini Miracle #01:

[in which Sparrow records the little things that strengthen his testimony]

So I'm going on a blind date on Friday. That isn't the miracle. The important context is that we met in a BYU free food groupchat, and that he said that he would be willing to go on a date with 90% of the girls on campus. I know, I know, not the best guy for me to be seeing. But he offered free ice cream and I'm not gonna turn down free ice cream so I DMed him and said I would go out with him.

Anyways. The problem lies in the fact that I do not look like 90% of the girls on campus. BYU, if you didn't know, is full of like, the most gorgeous suburban blonde white girls you've ever seen, and I am a weird little gremlin with dyed and shaved hair, a face only a mother could love, a complete inability to wear makeup, and a wardrobe that screams "raging lesbian".

So this morning, I was sitting in my biology lecture, worried that I am going to be an utter disappointment to this guy. And to make it worse, last week, I saw the guy who I typically sit next to in lecture [who I thought I hit it off really well with] on a date with another girl. So when I leave my class, I put on my headphones and prepare to get the heck out of there, blasting some Midwest emo tunes.

But right before I head down the stairs, I see a girl running after me. I stop and take off my headphones, and she says, "Hi, I don't want to bother you, I'm so sorry, but I just wanted to tell you that you're so pretty."

Jaw drop.

I literally covered my mouth with my hand and told her, "are you serious??" She said, "Yeah! And also I really like your Harris pin." [I have a Vote Harris pin on my backpack] I said "oh my gosh thank you so much", and we both skedaddled to our respective locations.

I don't know what possessed that girl to stop me and tell me she thought I was pretty. I don't know if she actually did think I was pretty, or if she just knew I needed to hear it. I don't know if she knows that she made my day. I don't know if she knows that in that moment, she was a conduit of the Lord and of the pure love of Christ. But I hope wherever she is, she reaps the blessings of the kindness she showed me.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me!

This is going to sound like the opposite of what you are expecting or wanting to hear, but when everyone else in the world seems to have turned their back on you, the most important thing you can do is build your relationship with God and Christ themselves. Sometimes the only people who will fully understand you is the one who created you (God) and the one who felt all the pain and hurt and misery you have experienced, are experiencing, and will ever experience (Jesus).

Going back to the basics of the Gospel has been really important for me -- instead of challenging my faith by trying to understand complex social issues with strong emotions behind them [stuff like queer membership, race in the priesthood, abortion, et cetera], finding things that I know I can believe and trust is important, even if it's as silly or simple as "I believe that some celestial force out there loves me because I was able to buy my favorite shirt before it sold out forever" or "I believe that being in the temple makes me feel peaceful" rather than things I still can't say with confidence like "I know the church is true" or "I believe the nuclear family unit is eternal".

When Covid struck, I was attending a ward in Utah. We kind of absolutely hated it -- after attending multi-cultural, multilanguage wards our whole life, the sudden plainness and overpopulation of Utah wards was so strange to us. Suddenly, lockdowns happened. Church was online and sacrament meetings were held from our home. The year or two we spent doing "home church" -- a weekly Zoom call with our extended family where our cousins would take turns giving talks, and my deacon brother would pass homemade bread to us -- was one of the most spiritually strengthening experience of my life. After Covid restrictions ended, we couldn't go back to our old ward -- none of them would wear masks, and my youngest brother couldn't get vaccinated. We ended up moving our records to a Portuguese branch half an hour north, and it was one of the best decisions we've ever made.

I don't know what your family situation is like. I am not going to pretend like The Power of Christ Can Heal All Intergenerational Trauma. While Christ did help me learn to love my parents and understand their perspective, it did not take away the fact that they did not support me through my most difficult times. But I will say this: if there is anything you can do to possibly come closer to your family, do it. This is a hard experience for all of you, I can imagine. If there is a way you can strengthen each others' testimonies, it will be unimaginably helpful. Finding others who understand the hardships you are going through is one of the best ways to get through it, and it's really convenient if those people have a) known you your whole life, and b) live with you. It may not work. They may never support you or understand your pain. But try.

Instead of turning to hate those who have hurt you, make an effort to focus your energy on the things of the Gospel that make you feel joy. Making death threats to Dallin H. Oaks will never be as helpful as being a good example for those around you, or learning to love Christ's gospel. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. But to quote Yoda, "Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering" -- for all parties involved. Allow yourself time to grieve, to be angry, to feel hurt. But simultaneously let those feelings be washed away in time by the healing power of the atonement.

If you ever feel alone or unloved by Christ or far from salvation, you are wrong. There are armies here and on the other side of the veil to bring you back to Him. Some of the strongest testimonies I've ever encountered have been here on Tumblr, by people with backgrounds similar to mine. We are here to help you. That's what being Christ's disciple entails -- helping others. Queerstake and Tumblrstake are here for you. I am here for you. Christ is here for you. Reach out with questions about your faith -- we love to answer them.

(Also if there's an opportunity to sneak into another ward or stake's church services, do it. You don't owe anyone an explanation of who you are or why you're there)

Thank you so much for your ask! I hope I answered the question well enough -- if anyone else has anything they think would be helpful, please share it!!

Luce & Friends got hit with my Mormon laser beams

Absolutely cooking today in my religion class notes

GOOD MORNING to the guy in my stake conference that told us that, if we experience or witness racism on campus, we should feel free to use the "laying on of hands" to combat it.

"Punching racists is morally acceptable and spiritually strengthening" was not the message I was expecting to hear this morning but gosh dang, am I excited to hear it

Some practical life skills I've gained from being a member of my Church:

I know I gained a lot more than that but those are the things that you could like, put on a resume or something.

The two true audience participation films

Things I did my first time going through the temple:

- called the temple matron "dude"; I think multiple times

- audibly laughed at the person doing my initiatory ordinance because I was so taken aback by something they said

- whisper-screamed "CRAP" in the endowment room when I took a seat in the wrong spot

- had the song "Come On Eileen" stuck in my head THE. ENTIRE. TIME.

Me, occasionally, when the Judgement Beast gets ahold of me: "I can't believe there are actually members of the FLDS/Strangite/CoC, that's heretical. You can't just decide to add/change existing scriptures, that's not how it works. They claim to be a part of the Church but they don't actually follow any of the rules."

...

...

"oh wait that's what everyone else thinks about my religion"

I hope everyone who believes that the LDS Church's rules are too strict and that our religion asks too much of us looks back at, like, any other religion. Every member who complains about the requirements being too hard should try to live according to the laws of Islam for like, a week.

"Ohhh but garments cover so much skin and they're so uncomfortable" you've never been hate-crimed for wearing a hijab. You can show your arms; plenty of other people can't.

"The Word of Wisdom is too strict" your diet coke addiction says otherwise. Imagine your current diet but you can't eat pork or gelatin or eat from animals slaughtered in a haram way. Imagine not being able to go out to eat because the food is prepared on a skillet that made bacon that morning. You can eat meat and pork and cheese together, unlike our Jewish friends who practice kosher. There are so many other religions that can't drink alcohol, we're not special.

"Fast Sunday is so harddd" try Ramadan on for size. Fast Sunday is 2 meals once a month, if that. You've never watched your friends sleepily trudge through 40 days of fasting all day.

"Reading your scriptures and praying every day?? That's obsessive" well we can do it anywhere. We don't have to stop our schedules 3 times a day to run to a plain room and face Mecca and pray. We can read our scriptures on a phone in the bathroom.

Like, I'm not saying that the Church is easy. There are a lot of requirements; the Lord makes things difficult for us because it shows Him we care when we put effort into following His commandments. But claiming that we're radical and cultish because of the things we require is so ignorant and dismissive of other religions. We've got it pretty good, all things considered.

Something I've found that I love about the Gospel is that when you're interviewed for a temple recommend, they don't ask you how often you read the scriptures. They don't ask you if you pray every single day, or if you attend every meeting and activity that the Church holds. They ask you if you have faith; if you believe and have a testimony in the word of the Lord Jesus Christ. They ask you if you uphold your covenants and are honest and kind. And also if you pay your child support for some reason

Obviously, things like attendance and prayer and scriptures are important. But, from the point of view of someone with severe depression and ADHD who has a tough time remembering and getting into the habit of scriptures and prayers, it strengthens my testimony to know that I'm not any less worthy of a member because I forget to talk to God or read my Come Follow Me sometimes. The Lord doesn't love me despite my shortcomings; he loves me because of them.