Sometimes I feel like it's very difficult to call myself an artist or a designer due to my poor output of self-directed work and development of these spaces. 90% of what I actually do is just 'freelancing'; fulfilling client requests within these roles.
There is this internal flame and desire to do these things and push my own art out there; but such a low amount of resources and energy to do it. Each time I shut it down, it feels like I flicker, knowing I'm saying no to this thing I need to get out there; neglecting it.
The desire to have this output of playful, joyful, meaningless experimentation on one side. Then this raging, deep, and visceral feeling to push boundaries and do something meaningful too on the other.