mouthporn.net
@hgk477 on Tumblr

HGK477

@hgk477 / hgk477.tumblr.com

Making your ordinary life a little bit more extraordinary.  ©2019, HGK477
Avatar

How to Become Friends with the Months of the Year

  1. With January, only honesty is ensured. Come as you are; if you don’t, they will rip away everything you aren’t. Their embrace is cold, but they can only take so much warmth from you before the two of you are one and the same. It is a relief like nothing else. Don’t get hung up on it when they leave.
  2. February says very little, so hold onto the words she does say. Write them down, save them. She is fascinated by the things you do, the things you never notice. When you feel her hold your hand, pause and breathe until she’s gone. She’s gone so quickly. You miss January. Stop missing January.
  3. March is not quick to make friends. Try as you might, as the weeks pass on, you will not find him if you look. He will find you, and he will approach so quietly, you’ll hardly hear him. He has one word to tell you, one very important word, and you probably won’t like it. But don’t tell that to his face, assuming you ever see it. He is damageable just like you.
  4. April wants to take you far away from winter. She grabs you right by the wrist and pulls you into her bright and buzzing world. It’s exhilarating just to be with her. She guides you along, she speaks the rhythm, the chain of command. It’s a dance designed for forgetting the stillness of winter. Join her. You won’t forget.
  5. May tries harder than anyone else has to make you forget. They offer you all manner of wines and sweets and each one is better than the last. You’re satiated for the first time that you can recall. Everything is beautiful. All your needs are met. You miss the feeling of needing something. Drink as much wine as you want, but it won’t go away.
  6. June gets it. June keeps telling you he gets it. June’s air is frantic with the pull of summer. It swarms your head. You miss January. Stop missing January. God, you miss January. January took a piece of you and now June is hurriedly rearranging all your other pieces in an attempt to fill you back in. Tell him to stop before you become unrecognizable. When he leaves, you will have no idea how to put yourself back.
  7. July carries you across the shore. You’re bleeding; from the empty spaces time has left in you some kind of blood is falling. July holds you, as you hover over sleep. He knows not where he is going; August calls from no one place and he drifts out to meet her. You see the many places time has reached. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the blurs of places it hasn’t. Let your eyes close for a while. You need to rest.
  8. August keeps your eyes locked with hers. You wander in some sort of fog, the heat pulling you away from the ground in waves that twist your vision. You see August. Everywhere you look, you see her. Every sound, every smell, every good and warm feeling becomes August. January exists only as a pang of guilt in your stomach. You are hopelessly August’s. Don’t fight it. Not that you would.
  9. September holds your arm with an unspoken ferocity before August can walk away with you into times unknown. It is not cold, but you shiver. Nothing fits in your field of vision. But they take good care of you. Wonderful care. You’d much rather fall in love with September. You can’t seem to make it happen. Don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up.
  10. Your eyes blink and October has taken their place. You’re ready, he says. He takes you by the hand and brings you back home—except this isn’t home. It is where you have lived all your life but it isn’t home anymore. October lets you crash at his place and tells good jokes. It all bounces right off the surface, maybe making an entertaining ripple but nothing more. It starts to get cold again. Your thoughts run away from you. October doesn’t know how to fix this. Neither do you. Don’t give up.
  11. November watches you closely. She doesn’t say much. She knows what lies ahead and doesn’t want to tell you. You see indifference in her. She wants only to let you heal. You fall inside yourself. Your stomach feels like it’s shattered, and you don’t know how to fix it, only how to watch it fall apart. You feel like a turbulent mess and the world around you is only getting slower. You miss January. You miss January so bad you could hurt something. The shattered pieces inside you are sharp. Take one, hold it in your shaking hands. Look kindly at November. Watch how she says nothing, out of fear.
  12. December can’t do anything for you. Time has frozen, January is an eternity away, and December can’t be January no matter how hard they try. They can’t heal you; their touch is too coarse. They can’t fix you; you’re missing the most important piece. They can’t take you back to January; January is far in the past and the future has dropped off like a cliff. But they can see what you have been through. And they can feel the pain of the frostbite setting in. And they can hold you, closer and closer every second, as tears of their own hit your flesh like ice, and you grow colder and colder, and colder still, pulling you further and darker down, until deep down you two are one and the same.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar
reblogged
Avatar
hgk477

Hey everyone! We need your help to create the best party game ever!

Introducing… What The Plot?!

How does it work?

1.) Take a Prompt Card.

Ex. ’Tell us about the time a vampire hit on you.‘ 

2.) You have one minute to bullshit a story.

After the minute is up, the player next to you needs to continue your story and so on. 

However! There is also a pile of cards each with three words on it. Every turn you draw a card and have to use one of the three words from it in your story. Ex. breadstick, cactus, werewolf.’ If you don’t use one of the words during your turn, you lose points. If you can’t continue the story then you also lose points. And if your story is really awful, other players can play the ‘Boo Card’, causing you to lose a catastrophic amount of points. The player who is not the worst wins!

We have already found a supplier and a distribution center in both the US and Europe. We really want to know what you think. Let’s create this game together and make it the best it can possibly be. Are you in?

Avatar
jojos-mess

Please make this a thing. I’d soooo get this!!

where can I get updates???

Avatar
fenderrawr

Suggestion to call it: 

What The Plot?! - A party game for people who like to talk sh*t

^ Genius

This is an awesome concept! An alternative rule could be instead of losing points, people could also maybe take a sip of their drink, it would make the stories even more entertaining. I would definitely play this as a drinking game with my friends!

We need your input! We need more Prompt Cards and really need your help in shaping this game over the next couple of weeks before we launch! [Dec, 2019]

Important update coming tomorrow! Feel free to sign up if you haven’t already!

Avatar

How to care for a Cat

  1. Get a cat, but let the cat choose you. They can see what you don’t. Also, don’t go into the back alone. They don’t like newcomers.
  2. Buy your cat food, bowls, a collar (preferably with a bell) toys, a bed, and a scratching post. When buying this stuff, ask for Allen. He knows what each cat needs for a successful hunt.
  3. Leave your kitty cat alone and allow them to explore. They need to sniff out the problem areas of your house.
  4. When you are off to bed, turn your lights off. The light hinders their ability to catch the demon.
  5. If you hear running and shuffling outside your door, do not be alarmed. Your cat is chasing away the demon.
  6. If you hear meowing outside of the door, that means that your cat has had a successful hunt. When opening the door, do not look down the dark hallway. You might meet eyes with the strays. They don’t like eye contact.
  7. Quickly shut your door and make your way to bed. Allow your kitty to do as it pleases.
  8. Enjoy the presence of your new kitty. :)

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar

How to Fall Asleep In Their Arms

  1. Calm down, this is a peaceful and relaxing setting. No need to worry.
  2. Don’t forget to breathe, this is important, you don’t want to seem dead. It might worry them.
  3. Listen to their heartbeat, yours will sync up with it sooner or later. This will calm you even more.
  4. Pay attention to their breathing, like the heartbeats, yours will sync with theirs at some point.
  5. Get comfortable, they love you and wouldn’t let anything hurt you. You’re safe here.
  6. Shut your eyes. You don’t need to see what’s going on in the world anymore. You’re safe here.
  7. Try to tune out the background noise around you. Nothing else in the world matters aside from the two of you in this moment. You’re safe here.
  8. Drift off to sleep. They’ve got you, you’ll be fine. You’re safe here.
  9. Don’t wake up. You don’t need to leave. You’re safe here.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar

A guide for sleeping in a lecture hall

  1. Make sure whatever work you have started is in a safe space. If not, they will take it and it will never be seen again.
  2. As you feel yourself begin to get tired, be sure to turn the ringer of your phone on. It will be your way out if something goes wrong.
  3. Make a last check around the room. Keep an eye out for things that may seem different or off. Make note of these. If the writing on the board is reversed, do not fall asleep. You must remain awake for the rest of the lecture for your own safety.
  4. Let your body relax and allow yourself to drift off to sleep. Do not be alarmed if something touches you. They are making sure you are fully asleep.
  5. Once you awaken in your dream, stand up and look around. Check to see if any inconsistencies have transferred over to your dream. If so, it is safe to explore. If not, sit back down and remain completely still.
  6. As you examine your surroundings, check your classmates to see if any have fallen into the dream like you have. Those that have not will have no pupils. Make note of these people.
  7. When exploring around the hall and its building, make sure to never enter the stairs or the elevator. If you do so, you will wake up, and everything will be different.
  8. Keep checking your phone to keep track of the time. You do not want to be the last one out when class ends. They will punish you for that.
  9. When the time is nearing for you to awaken, head back to your seat, not making eye contact with anyone else who may be in the hall now. Rest your head on the desk and allow yourself to fall back to reality.
  10. If you awaken to blurry vision, close your eyes immediately. Do not respond to anything, including calls of your name or questions. Wait until it is silent to open your eyes.
  11. If you awaken and everything is clear, you are safe to leave. Make sure to leave a pen or pencil behind as a thank you to your guides. They worked very hard to allow you the brief respite and always appreciate a nice gift.
  12. If, when you are leaving, your teacher asks you to stay behind, do not listen. Walk to the nearest bathroom and run cold water over your hands. The next time you go to class, do not sleep. All should be well after that.
  13. After your rest, never return to your lecture hall at night. Your guides will be asleep and you will be vulnerable.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar

A Guide for the Pregnant Adventurer

  • Whilst you are pregnant, you may want to take time off. But, if you are like me, as I suspect you probably are, the adventurer’s life stops for nothing and no one; not even when you’re growing an entirely new being.
  • After 4 pregnancies on the job, here’s some knowledge I have amassed.
  1. Your blood is extremely valuable and tasty to various beings and creatures, you will want to brush up on your protection charms and technique.
  2. If you dabble in spellwork, your blood will give everything you do a boost.
  3. Never offer your blood as payment to the shadows or their puppets.
  4. Never sign your firstborn over, I mean ethically you shouldn’t sign any of your children over, but firstborns have a sacred magic.
  5. Newly pregnant? You already smell stronger (hormones are fun) and you’ll only get more unwanted attention the bigger you get; wearing a satchel of strong smelling plants will do you good.
  6. And YOUR nose is getting keener as well, the strong smelling plants won’t smell nice to you at all (but you’d rather stay alive, yeah?)
  7. It is a very good idea to call in your favors, hopefully you’ve made some good friends and business partners on your travels.
  8. Always carry silver and iron on you, in whatever way pleases you, and know who to use it on.
  9. Music is your friend, as well as your little one’s.
  10. Morning sickness is a bitch and, contrary to the name, also happens ALL DAY, keep loads of ginger tea stocked up.
  11. You will be nauseous and hungry at the same time, especially during your first trimester, keep snackies (and healthy ones, though I know the personal struggle of craving copious amounts of nachos in the middle of a jungle)(12-16):
  12. Dates are good for keeping your iron levels up.
  13. Granola-based mixes are easy and you can add so many things!
  14. You can never go wrong with berries.
  15. Garlic is really good, but not a lot, it’s a natural vasodilator; you could bleed out.
  16. Honey is okay, as long as it’s pasteurized.
  17. Sleeping is generally not comfy while adventuring, even less so while pregnant, invest in a good maternity pillow (I would say that even if you stayed at home though).
  18. Adventuring away from your family doctor or midwife is no excuse, don’t you dare shirk your checkups, find one in every town you get to.
  19. A pregnant woman has long been a symbol of a bridge between the spiritual and physical, that is still true.
  20. If you possess psychic abilities, these will probably strengthen, the veil may permanently lift whilst you carry and even some time after you give birth.
  21. If this happens, I advise you stay away from places where a lot of death permanently resides, don’t go searching for vampires and don’t take strolls through cemeteries.
  22. If you begin to see auras around people and beings, stay far far away from yellow and pink.
  23. Pick up white feathers for protection, cleanse them with willow smoke, rinse them with moonwater, and wear them about your head.
  24. If birds start appearing in your weirdo pregnancy dreams (oh those are coming, I promise) pay attention and write down every detail you can remember, especially the type of bird.
  25. Go to a dream shaman you trust and get them translated.
  26. Whilst you are pregnant, your appeals will be favored by fertility deities and you will be welcomed and protected in whatever place of worship is dedicated to them, even if you don’t worship them (also, besides home or the hospital, there’s like no better place to give birth, they are very professional).
  27. The fae have a little known law that if a woman carrying a son enters their forest olde, she is to be fed; but be careful, it doesn’t specify what to feed her, not all fae will favor you little mother.
  28. The life you carry is a massive well of destiny, as such, your aura will change whilst you carry and you may react differently to totems and magics that you once could use with ease.
  29. Last bit, very important, read carefully: nothing protects a young mother more than her tribe; find your tribe.
  30. I wish you the best of luck, sisters.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar

A Guide to Surviving American Suburbia

  1. Your house is big. It looks the same as all the other houses in the neighborhood. Has it always? Don't think too hard about it, you will find things in your memory you don't want to.
  2. Ask the tiktok boy with ripped jeans and bleached hair for assistance, if needed. What he will give may not be what you need, but it is what you want.
  3. The group of skinny pilates moms clad in pink never stops running. You shouldn't either.
  4. You haven't eaten in weeks, maybe years. Do not tell your father that you are hungry or his smile might have too many teeth when he replies.
  5. Your neighbor is having a Sunday barbecue. Do not go if the family has not audibly fought for at least a month. Ideally, the shouting should begin the morning of said barbecue.
  6. Keep holy water in a hydro flask. It won't do anything, but it might be comforting.
  7. Blend in at all times. If you do not, they will see and they will not be pleased.
  8. If there are cranberries in the salad, that is not your mother.
  9. At one point, there was more than hard-packed dirt and neat grass in your lawn. Do not change this, or it may invite danger into your house. Acceptable additions include a small inflatable pool and a trampoline. Perhaps a plastic playset, as long as you guard it every waking and sleeping hour.
  10. If your younger sibling no longer smiles, get them help from the blonde girl who sometimes lives at the end of the cul de sac. You may be able to save them.
  11. If you find your original fingernails, ignore them and leave them where they are.
  12. Ignore the faces outside of the neighboorhood. Soon they'll just be part of the scenery.
  13. If you need to leave, leave at 2am when the world hasn't quite loaded in yet. It will be easier.
  14. Bring your phone with you everywhere for navigation, but if you have a nightmare that you are being strangled by tongues, smash it and do not replace it.
  15. The neighborhood never ends. Just keep going. Take a vehicle or you may be stuck for an indeterminate amount of time.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar

A guide to working the night shift

  1. Check it there is going to be a full moon. If there is not, go in as normal. You will be okay.
  2. If there will be a full moon, it is essential to follow this guide.
  3. Get lots of sleep the day before.
  4. Bring a fully charged phone, snacks, and water. Do not bring any flavored drink. The spirits will turn it to water, anyway.
  5. About an hour before work, drive to your nearest Church. Do not walk or take the bus. If you must, ignore anyone who tries to talk to you on the way. They will be spirits trying to learn more about you.
  6. Enter the Church and put some holy water on your hand. This will not do particularly anything, but it is nice to have some reassurance.
  7. If there is an old man in the pews, ask him for his greatest piece of advice. If he ignores you, and he will, ask him again. He will tell you to be careful at work tonight. Make sure to thank him for his time, he will appreciate your manners.
  8. Drive to work. Be a bit early, the spirits will not expect you to be early.
  9. If you know your co-worker(s) well, ask them for gum. If they give you mint, back away slowly and continue working as normal. They are a spirit in disguise. Any other flavor, tell them to leave early. Do not take no for an answer.
  10. If you do not know your co-worker(s) well, do not get too attached. They will be dead before 11pm. Do not feel guilty, there is nothing you can do.
  11. Keep an eye on the clock. Do not walk or talk loudly, it can hear you. Do not wonder about what “it” is, you wouldn’t be able to fathom it anyway.
  12. Once the clock hits 11 pm, the lights will go off. Do not worry, they will go back on soon.
  13. When they come back on, your co-workers will be gone. Do not cry. The spirits will not pity you. There will be 3 customers left. 2 are spirits, one is real. You should help the real customer escape, he will give you something you need. However, you cannot leave with them. It will not allow you to.
  14. Approach the first customer. Ask him if he needs any help. Slowly tap your foot while talking with them. If they cover their ears, apologize. They are a spirit. Spirits hate foot tapping. They will not hurt you, at least for now. Repeat until you find the real customer.
  15. Tell the real customer that Bob sent you. He will know what you mean. He will begin to exit the store with his items in hand, unpaid for. Remind him that he must pay. He will glance at you, then begin walking out again. Do not worry, he will have paid you. You will find out what he gave you soon.
  16. Now, you will be alone with the two spirit customers. Relax for a little bit, the worst is yet to come. Drink your water, but not too much. You don’t know what the spirits could have put in there.
  17. Once the clock hits midnight, the lights will shut off again. Except this time they will not come back on. Leave the register, go to the back of the store. You will see a bottle of water that is upside down. Take it and drink it, for that is not water. You will be able to see better now.
  18. Items from the shelves will begin to fall over. Pick them back up. You are, after all, working the night shift. If items from the fridges begin to fall, the spirits are extra angry. You must have wronged them. I told you to follow the guide exactly. I am sorry. Death is not what you should fear. What will happen to you is much worse than death.
  19. If the fridges stay intact, you are safe for now. Do not talk or yell. Do not bother calling the police. Call your mom. Mother knows best. She will pick up. Although, it will not be your mom. Nevertheless, listen to her. She will tell you how to contact the spirits. I cannot share that information with you.
  20. Use her instructions and contact the spirits. Ask them to spare you. They will say no. That is expected.
  21. Spirits do not spare people willingly. They take trades, however. It is not easy to trade with a spirit. They only accept souls. People are only born with one soul, their own.
  22. Put your hand in your right pocket. You will feel something indescribable. Do not pull it out. It is what the real customer paid you with, a soul. Do not feel bad, he has many.
  23. Contact the spirits using the method from before. If you do not remember how there is nothing you can do. I am sorry. Your fate is sealed.
  24. Tell the spirits you have a trade. Take the soul out of your pocket, and hold it up above your head. You will feel your legs begin to weaken. You will fall to your knees, and eventually you will pass out. You will wake up with the soul gone and the lights back on. Continue working as normal, the spirits have spared you.
  25. Do not speak of this event to anyone, the spirits will not take kindly to that. They will appreciate your silence. Make sure to call your mom and thank her. She will not have any idea what you are talking about, but she will appreciate the gesture.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar

A Guide to Keeping your Heart Soft

  1. Love Big.
  2. Compliment often.
  3. Expose the Greatness in everyone you meet.
  4. Hold no unsaid expectations against anyone.
  5. Forgive easily.
  6. Tell the kid how cool their toy/picture/story/rock is-and watch the light flood their eyes.
  7. If you hold anger against someone/if they said something that hurt you, talk about it in a healthy way.
  8. When it comes to unsolicited wisdom, the very least you can do is listen and think about it, you don’t have to agree, but give yourself the option to learn and grow.
  9. Purge bitterness from your bones, it makes you older faster and clogs your joints.
  10. SMELL ALL THE CANDLES IN THE STORE; cake-scented candles never ruined anyone’s day.
  11. Tell yourself one thing you love about yourself every day, to start, and more will follow: Toes, I love that you balance me; calves, I love that you’re strong; thighs, I love your power, etc.
  12. Laughter is a healing balm.
  13. Do not lie to yourself, acknowledge the power of you.
  14. If you suffer, all you have to do is survive; AND THEN give yourself permission to thrive.
  15. Do not be afraid to be extraordinary; in your craft, in your hugs, in your words.
  16. I wish you the best of luck.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar

How to enter your subconscious

WARNING: Do not attempt this between 2am-6am. The subconscious is most active during these hours and exploring it then may lead to great injury, memory loss, or brain damage. Use caution.

  1. You will need an empty room with a ceiling fan, 4 white candles (ensure they’re unscented), a box of matches, and a large cotton blanket.
  2. Enter the room and lock the door. Turn the ceiling fan on the lowest setting.
  3. Spread the blanket out on the floor directly under the fan. Set a candle on each corner.
  4. Light each candle, beginning with the candle on the most northern side of the blanket. Light the others, going counterclockwise.
  5. The last candle will be difficult to light. Your subconscious is resisting you. Try to think calm thoughts. The candle should light now.
  6. If for some reason the candle is refusing to light, you need to blow out the remaining ones, turn off the fan, fold the blanket, and exit the room. Your subconscious does not want you to enter. Attempting to do so again will most definitely cause injury, memory loss, or permanent brain damage.
  7. Once the last candle lights, put the box of matches in your pocket, lie down on the blanket, and stare at the fan. Only think about staring at the fan.
  8. After a few minutes you will become very thirsty. Do not move. This is your subconscious attempting to distract you. It doesn’t want you to enter.
  9. By now you will want nothing more than to drink something. If you move, it has blocked you out. You will never be able to enter.
  10. After 3 hours have passed, the urge will go away. You have passed the first test.
  11. You will now hear a ringing in your ears. It will grow louder. Lie very still.
  12. Close your eyes. When the ringing stops, open them again. You are almost there. Continue staring at the fan.
  13. Now you are unable to move. Do not try to move. The door will slowly open.
  14. A man in a long black coat will step in the room. Do not look at his face.
  15. He will reach out his hand to you. Take it. He will help you stand up.
  16. Blow out the candles. You have reached your subconscious.
  17. The man will be gone. You may now explore.
  18. Beware: if at any time the man shows up again, go with him. This means that it is no longer safe. He will take you back home.
  19. When you want to return, simply light a match. He will come and take you back.
  20. Use caution, if you stay for too long, it may force you out. Be safe.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar
Avatar
hgk477

Hey everyone! We need your help to create the best party game ever!

Introducing… What The Plot?!

How does it work?

1.) Take a Prompt Card.

Ex. ’Tell us about the time a vampire hit on you.‘ 

2.) You have one minute to bullshit a story.

After the minute is up, the player next to you needs to continue your story and so on. 

However! There is also a pile of cards each with three words on it. Every turn you draw a card and have to use one of the three words from it in your story. Ex. breadstick, cactus, werewolf.’ If you don’t use one of the words during your turn, you lose points. If you can’t continue the story then you also lose points. And if your story is really awful, other players can play the ‘Boo Card’, causing you to lose a catastrophic amount of points. The player who is not the worst wins!

We have already found a supplier and a distribution center in both the US and Europe. We really want to know what you think. Let’s create this game together and make it the best it can possibly be. Are you in?

Avatar
jojos-mess

Please make this a thing. I’d soooo get this!!

where can I get updates???

Avatar
fenderrawr

Suggestion to call it: 

What The Plot?! - A party game for people who like to talk sh*t

^ Genius

This is an awesome concept! An alternative rule could be instead of losing points, people could also maybe take a sip of their drink, it would make the stories even more entertaining. I would definitely play this as a drinking game with my friends!

We need your input! We need more Prompt Cards and really need your help in shaping this game over the next couple of weeks before we launch! [Dec, 2019]

Avatar

How to live amongst the stars

  1. Speak to the stars at night, they will not welcome a stranger.
  2. Make sure you own something gold.
  3. If you do not own anything gold and cannot buy something, draw a star on your left cheek with a marker and wear it for a full day. Ignore the stares.
  4. The stars will understand and in a week, a golden pin will appear on your pillow.
  5. At night, go and sit in the middle of a field, any field will work, and wait in silence for ten minutes.
  6. Do not stand up or leave.
  7. Search your soul, a name will appear, not one you know or one you will remember, but say it anyway, the stars will hear.
  8. You should be wearing your pin.
  9. If you are, the stars will come down and dance with you, if you aren’t, they will stay there, twinkling in the sky.
  10. Dance until dawn, marvel at the colours that swim around you, and the brightness of the very universe. Your energy will not fade, so do not worry about the time ahead of you, only think about that moment.
  11. Once a month, on the same day, meet with the stars again, you shall learn about each other, and when you are ready, tell them that you would like to live as one of them.
  12. They will ask you if you are sure, and do not be afraid to answer no, the stars understand, they will still meet you again next month.
  13. If you answer yes, they will disappear, and you shall awake at dawn in your bed, having had a good nights sleep.
  14. Your day will proceed as normal, and you will almost be convinced that the night before was a dream, but do not forget.
  15. That night, your dreams will be filled with the ones whom love you, the ones whom you love, your good memories, reasons to stay, and you will doubt your decision.
  16. Do not worry, the stars are kind, it is their intention.
  17. You shall meet up the next month, and tell them that you have changed your mind. They will nod, and float back into the sky, burning millions of miles away.
  18. Time will pass, and you will miss them. They will miss you too.
  19. You may be disappointed, you may believe that you do not live within the stars, and that is true. But do not mourn. For they live within you, the very stardust the flows within your veins.
  20. Whenever you are lonely, search your soul, a name will appear, not one you know or one you will remember, but say it anyway, the stars will hear. And they will listen.

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Avatar
reblogged
Avatar
hgk477

Didn’t get burned alive today. Great day!

Avatar
ihavemints

That’s a fun way to look at it

And my limbs didn’t get torn off this morning and I haven’t been attacked by an animal in a while. Life is good. PMA everyone!

Didn’t drown today!

That’s the spirit!

Avatar
Avatar
hgk477

Hi, I am Bob and I love learning terrestrial and extraterrestrial languages. I have a performance review at @hgk477​ next week and I thought it would be cool to improve customer experience and maybe get a raise. Could you teach me how to say the following in your language?

Great news! Your home is now officially spirit and demon free and you can sell your house 100% guilt-free! Congratulations!

Thank you!

German: Gute Neuigkeiten! Dein Zuhause ist nun offiziell Geister- und Dämonenfrei und du kannst dein Haus zu 100% ohne schlechtes Gewissen verkaufen! Gratulation!

(also “Dein” could be replaced with “Ihr” so it would be the “formal you”)

French:

Bonne nouvelles! Votre maison a été officiellement débarassée d'esprits et de démons, vous pouvez la vendre sans soucies! Félicitations!

Romanian:

Vești bune! Casa dumneavoastră este oficial liberă de spirite și demoni și puteți să o vindeți 100% (o sută procente) fără vinovăție! Felicitări!

Chinese:

好消息! 你的家现在正式精神和恶魔免费,你可以出售你的房子100%无罪! 恭喜!

Pinyin (pronunciation):

Hǎo xiāoxī! Nǐ de jiā xiànzài zhèngshì jīngshén hé èmó miǎnfèi, nǐ kěyǐ chūshòu nǐ de fángzi 100% (Yi bai) wú zuì! Gōngxǐ!

Avatar

How to befriend your sleep paralysis demon

  1. Obviously, first, you must have sleep paralysis. The demon will not make its presence known unless you are paralyzed.
  2. Do not show it fear. Unfortunately, as a personal demon, it knows your fears best. As long as you don’t think about or make attempts to call for help, it will see that you’re fighting its scariness.
  3. The demon may feel annoyed by the fact that it isn’t making you as scared as before. Don’t worry. This will not hurt your chances of befriending them.
  4. Since you cannot move your mouth, think about how you are not scared of them. They will then speak.
  5. In past occurrences, the demons say something along the lines of “Is there something you need from me?” in response to your thoughts.
  6. Offer your friendship.
  7. Sometimes, the demons will accept, but most are not as lucky. If by now the demon has not accepted your friendship, that is okay. They’ve probably been told not to trust you as most demons are before traveling to our realm.
  8. Do your best to assure them that you will not and can not hurt them or abuse their trust.
  9. If your demon is extremely frustrated they will end your sleep paralysis.
  10. If you have a dream the next night, expect scarier sleep paralysis experiences. Do not attempt to become the demon’s friend for a while. If the dream involves the destruction of your most valued object, abandon all hope of befriending your demon and skip to Step 1.A.
  11. If you do not dream the next night, the demon has forgiven you.
  12. Attempt to reach out to them the next night. They will almost always feel bad for overreacting and accept your friendship. If they decline, do not push their decision. Let them slowly become your friend, but remember that they will be less threatening in the future.

IF YOUR DEMON HATES YOU:

  1. A. Forget Step 2. Do not try again. Let everything return to normal.
  2. A. Continue with your life. Do not worry. Your demon will not forget the attempt and acknowledges that you tried, and while the paralysis experiences are now worse, they are also less frequent.
  3. A: (Bonus Step) If your demon is a black floating orb with no face, I would like it if you returned it. I haven’t seen them in a while... (He has been found, no worries!)

More guides

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.
mouthporn.net