The super bowl or whatever I'm not american

Oh NOBODY'S going to be horny after this

Amazing tags

my ankle is so fuckin horny tho

A victorian

Every reply this is is another punch in the gut

obsessed with the infamous "blorbo from my shows" shitpost being quoted in the opening of the new york fucking time's word of the year article without ever once mentioning that it originated in the unsung bedrock of internet culture: tumblr dot gov dot edu dot net slash careers

when i tell you i had an aneurysm

"Average canyon is full of arachnids" factoid actually just a statistical anomaly. Average canyon has a normal amount of arachnids. Spider Gorge-

tumblr has like 5 jokes that just get recycled.

it’s very efficient that way.

And they're all in the wine cellar.

I thought it was a children's hospital.

That’s where we keep the high quality copper

Mind the horse.

Vanilla extract.

yeah okay ill reblog that

Are there any fairies in there? Or perhaps walruses?

Wasn't spider gorge one of the sets of Goncharov?

I feel lied to. This is where the bugs bunny NO meme cokes from

Ah lads they fucking rotated him

NOW it’s you

Oh yea? Well guess what bro

Best post I've seen all day

This post can't stop me bc I can read upside down >:D

Fool.

lleh hA

We're on a new platform with a totally different audience...we have to prove ourselves all over again...convince a totally new group of people to think we're funny and worth your attention....so allow me to drop some of my "A" material....the funniest thing I got.......here goes....... jeef berky

re: google AI. seriously. do you want machine generated misinformation or do you want to come here, to our beloved tumblr, and receive specially hand crafted misinformation. support real artists, guys. come to tumblr for your misinformation

Our blessed handcrafted misinformation vs their barbarous machine-generated lies

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this

Hell yeah moon holiday

Ooh coming up we should celebrate

PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)

MOON DAY MOON DAY MOON DAY

wake up babe new tumblr holiday just dropped

imagine dealing w an international crisis involving precious artifacts and someone is like ‘don’t worry I know a guy’ and it’s a dorky connecticut college professor named henry who slips into his slutsona and suddenly he’s capable of saving the world w the power of his whip & fedora

you don’t know where the guy is. you don’t know where the guy is going. but you do know he’s on the case w a 98% success rate and his tits are out

I said what I said!

#this man gets uncomfortable and overwhelmed when 20 y/o college girls hit on him #but take off his glasses #put on his fedora #and this man is ready to find Atlantis in three to eight business days (via @sansakenobi​)

It’s impossible to argue with anything above.

who wants to see the worst thing ive seen this week

too bad, im showing you anyway

a non-photoshopped picture of someone actually wearing them, for your viewing pleasure

Moon Moon’s brother Dong Dong

This Belongs Here

if i had a dollar for every pixel in this image i’d have 15 cents

if i had a dollar for every ounce of rage i felt in my body after i read this comment i would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

actually I did the math, they would have $225, not $0.15

sis i’m right here….

if i had a dollar i would buy a can of soda :)

while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

sorry i only have a dollar

:(

hey I just realized my friend Vriska is right, they would have $22500 not $225

^my friend Vriska

if i had $22,500 i would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

You can buy anything you want with $22500

yeah and they want soda and apply juice

apply juice to what

directly to the forehead

Great post guys

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Closest match: Barbus barbus genome assembly, chromosome: 1 Common name: Common Barbel

(image source)

@fish-identifier

my bear-man in christ i have already identified it

We can’t be certain until @fish-identifier calls it

Under PENALTY of INSTANT DEATH do NOT make blackout poetry of my posts. It is improper behavior and makes me wanna explode. You will receive 80 concussions. Don't make me spell it out again

[image description: a screenshot of the original post with sections blacked out. the new text reads, "PENINS exploion spell". /end description]

K

U

N

P

I'm a fucking idiot

Did your best buddy it's ok

Our blessed tumblr

A holy site

Nah nah nah, you ain’t hiding this in the tags

bonus:

@aikinn yeah people should see this actually

Thinking about when I worked at a shitty restaurant + one night it was just me + 3 other women on closing shift, so some guy came in the back and waved a knife around, presumably for money but I’m not actually certain, bc he was met with the bartender holding a much bigger knife, a tiny teenager wielding a cast iron pan, an elderly woman holding up a crockpot of clearly boiling water, and me, turning on the meat slicer with eye contact for maximum effect. He left, but the moral of the story is not girl power or whatever, it’s just. Why the fuck would you threaten a room full of underpaid and sleep-deprived blue-collar workers surrounded by lethal weapons.

Even ignoring the quantity of workers or weaponry, I think there’s something special about specifically

not the

not the shar

not the sharpest kn

*nods wisely* not the sharpest knool in the shed

Goncharov coming third in tumblr's top 100 movies of 2023 is so damn funny. Imagine being a film studio exec who spent millions making some of the other 97 movies listed below it only to be beaten by a film that cost exactly zero dollars to make and doesn't exist

Speaking of discourse of yesteryear