yikes post ahead

I was talking to my therapist today and we got on the subject of my dreams and I mentioned that I have a recurring theme in all my dreams (that I remember) in which I’m stuck somewhere, physically unable to move because my muscles are so weak, but I need to run away from danger and she asked me what the worst part about being stuck even if there’s nothing bad and I said that the worst thing is the feeling you get when you accept the fact that you’re stuck and have no control and your fate is no longer in your hands

I likened it to when a volcano erupts, and that first wave of heat and debris and energy starts coming out at whatever hundred mph and a guy is in his car trying to out run it but he knows that driving 60 mph will not save him and hey can see it coming in his rearview mirror; he accepts what is about to happen, he sees death coming for him faster and faster 

That feeling when you can’t put forth any effort that will make a difference in anything

That feeling is quite literally going to kill me

I know this demon is going to win. It’s wearing me down like wind on a building. Slowly, gradually, inconspicuous to outsiders

obviously not havin a good day sorry y’all