@hexane-nightmares / hexane-nightmares.tumblr.com
vaguely humanoid conglomeration of cameras
she/her
photography and other art: @skydarcyedwards
communist/socialist
living near Derbarl Yerrigan - always was, always will be Aboriginal land
free Palestine
I have a lot of tumblrs, feel free to ask if you have a particular interest
The Vast
Sky Edwards
2024
Canon R7
Canon EF 50mm f/1.4 USM
Photo taken with THE VAPORISATION OF THE VASTNESS atmospheric installation created by Mesmerism for Strange festival.
My photo "State the Obvious" in Project See & B, issue 2.
For the theme Signs, I explore my use of and frustration with signs and signalling.
Double exposed film photograph.
This interview really resonates with me. Simona is the lead of Vokonis, my recent favourite band.
Deadname is the song got me into them, but the whole album is fantastic:
https://vokonis.bandcamp.com/track/deadname
I hope none of you disappear in the coming days. Seriously don't do anything that can't be undone.
I know i'm just a random person you follow online but I mean it. People (all kinds of marginalised people too!) Have survived all types of horrible times and managed to find happiness eventually. If for no one else, survive for them. And also, try to survive because the people making you despair don't want you to live. Don't give this to them. Don't give your life. The best thing you can do is cling to it with everything you've got. Lay in bed for a day if you have to. but please promise you won't hurt yourself.
Take screen breaks, (now more than ever!!) Meet up, Call your friends, call your family if you're on good terms. Text your favourite mutual you never speak to if you've got no one irl. Make sure you eat enough and sleep enough, and take any meds and vitamins. Don't believe anything you think if you're hungry and tired. Rewatch your favourite show. Get a therapy appointment if you think you need it.
You can absolutely not take any shortcuts when it comes to your wellbeing right now.
The “i wanna be” comic
I've recently created the stupidest camera.
120 film, takes 68 format macro shots.
Body and shutter: a box brownie.
Lens: a broken Canon EF 50mm f/1.8. Which isn't a medium format lens. However, the lens is so far from the film that it should mostly cover the medium format frame.
The obvious side effect of this is the changed focal distance: 51.5mm from lens to subject, which cannot be adjusted.
Aperture: fixed and unknown.
Shutter speed: set by the brownie, so only 1/45 ish or Bulb.
In theory this thing should have excellent image quality (the 50 1.8 is surprisingly nice) and be a nightmare to actually use. Note the almost total lack of exposure control, so I will probably only be able to control exposure with flash or filters, or just having the correct lighting to start with.
Keep in mind that this is not using the f/1.8 aperture. It has an arbitrary, unknown aperture. Finding the correct exposure could be a challenge.
First attempt: I calculated everything basically right.
Fuck yes.
Hell of a vignette, but not too bad for a 35mm system lens on 6x8 medium format film.
I'm so happy with these.
holy shit that's gorgeous!
@postoctobrist incredible camera shenanigans here
omg. Hi November look at my garbage camera.
could you take a picture of the garbage camera
In the reblogs, but it's a long way down now, so, here is a link.
a companion poll to go with this one
I'm very genre aware, I'm obviously queer, and I do cursed stuff on purpose. I'm reading the tome and dying instantly.
Special Interest: Fem
Occasionally my ADHD points in the right direction and makes me seriously productive. I'm getting a lot done. The only thing that feels like it is really going slowly is facial hair removal, though I'm doing that about as fast as possible.
When my ADHD next swivels to some other obsession, I will hopefully have already set myself up nicely to continue with the fem aesthetics I want.
I would like you to follow me in an analogy.
Take one of your most embarrassing or shameful memories. Maybe something no one knows, and you really want to keep it that way, or maybe someone does know, and you deeply wish they didn’t. Do you have something specific in mind?
Imagine whenever anyone thinks about you, that is always the first thing that comes to their mind. Whenever someone meets you, they speak your shame out loud for you and everyone else to hear.
Imagine meeting someone new who doesn’t know. It’s so precious to have that person who knows you only as who you are, not for some past you can’t escape. You might be terrified they would find out. You can’t ever introduce them to your family, you know someone will let it slip. Your new friend won’t even judge you, but they won’t be able to forget. Now they too will never be able to separate thoughts of you from knowledge of your shame.
That’s what my deadname feels like. Don’t say it. If you find that difficult: try harder.
This was prompted by listening to Deadname by Vokonis. The beautiful impossible thought of my family forgetting my deadname made me cry.
I would like you to follow me in an analogy.
Take one of your most embarrassing or shameful memories. Maybe something no one knows, and you really want to keep it that way, or maybe someone does know, and you deeply wish they didn’t. Do you have something specific in mind?
Imagine whenever anyone thinks about you, that is always the first thing that comes to their mind. Whenever someone meets you, they speak your shame out loud for you and everyone else to hear.
Imagine meeting someone new who doesn’t know. It’s so precious to have that person who knows you only as who you are, not for some past you can’t escape. You might be terrified they would find out. You can’t ever introduce them to your family, you know someone will let it slip. Your new friend won’t even judge you, but they won’t be able to forget. Now they too will never be able to separate thoughts of you from knowledge of your shame.
That’s what my deadname feels like. Don’t say it. If you find that difficult: try harder.
Exactly!
The rest of Transitions (album) is also amazing. This is the first track. Transitions (track) is incredible too.
It's good for you, try one today.
Done.
It's good for you, try one today.
Done.
Early birthday present from @the-ghost-k1ng 🥰
how to deal with the fact that now that i have transitioned and actually want to live and stay alive, now the horrible direction and state of the world is affecting and terrifying me more than it ever has previously.
sometimes i miss when i had no hope for my life because i was able to not care about my future.
because living in that kind of totally untroubled way is something you can only do if you are sleepwalking. if you mean to do any living at all you are enlisting yourself into one kind of skeleton war or another. I think it’s worth it
