Super Hero Happy Meal

DEUX EX MACHINA:

Oh No...SHEEERRMMMM!!!!

Ha! Fooled ya.  Sherm's gonna be just fine. Despite, you know, all that COSMIC ENERGY that just bombarded him.  He's a trooper, he is.

But, I'd better go see how he's holding up, just the same. Maybe I'll make him a margarita or something.

Just one Point Of Order before we split:

 That's all from The 'Meal tonight, Mealsters.  We'll see y'all on the flip-side...!

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

CAPTAIN AMERICA admitted. [Art via]

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

68 interviews and 36 churches later, S.H.I.E.L.D. intel finally knew the face of the enemy. [Art via]

CAPTAIN AMERICA told MARIA HILL he'd take down this BATMAN, whoever he was, pretty easily, from the looks of it.

From the looks of it, Cap thought Batman was just about the weirdest looking super-freak he'd ever seen.  

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

Subtle clues like this one [via] --  discovered in the MARVEL U by a crack team of S.H.I.E.L.D Agents in the Iowa countryside -- slowly lead CAPTAIN AMERICA to believe he might very well have another problem on his hands.

And he suspected his problem even had a name:

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

This is what the unread postcard KAL-EL sent the Bat-Boys looked like, before they fed it to ACE THE BAT HOUND.

It was the same card he'd also sent a few other peeps, the original having been mailed to The THREE Architects of the DCU's Great Change.  It was with those fuckers in mind that Superman's simple, direct message

had been written, after all.  When he'd learned of The THREE's latest intentions -- erasing his marriage to LOIS LANE after they had been together God knows how many years -- telling them to suck his super-sized Kryptonian cock just seemed to say it all.  

There was just one little problem. While The THREE played dice with his identity for their new DCU, Superman's Kryptonian abilities had been put on hold.  Thus, Kal-El knew he'd need BATMAN's help to keep Lois around.

Since he could no longer fly, getting to where Batman was also became something of a problem. After all, what good was knowing where to find Batman if he couldn't get to him? 

Deciding he'd ask the Bat-Boys to borrow a Batmobile to go see BRUCE, Superman walked from Smallville all the way to the secret location of the Batcave.

He couldn't wait to see their little Bat-boy faces when he told them he knew where their Daddy was!

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

DICK said to DAMIAN.  He tucked ROBIN The SPERM WONDER safely into the special compartment on his belt, and together they bolted to the Batmobile.

Which turned out not to be the best idea. [Art via]

Neither was feeding ACE THE BAT HOUND the postcard KAL-EL had sent a week back, as it turned out.  Ah, hindsight!

And anyways... POOR SUPERMAN!

(Damn, that's hard to see!)

Sup, Mealsters?

Pretty friggin' tough to see what's up above (I'll try to get 'em to rebroadcast it here in a minute) so I'll just tell y'all that its a Paid Advertisement (long story, ask Sherm) by the producers of the next Fall's big new show, GOTHAM CITY: LAW & ORDER & THE GODDAMN BATMAN. [via]

Looks goddamn good, but you'd have to live over in that SUPERBOY BIG GULP Universe we've been visiting to actually see it. Probably shouldn't have gotten your hopes up.

But that does bring us back around to where we were. Yup, that's right:  we're about to learn THE FINAL FATE OF THE BATMAN.

That TV commercial up there's kind of a giveaway, ain't it? Yeah, guess so, sorry. But hey, it's not a secret. Batman didn't DIE or anything. He's fine.

And yeah, sure, Bats seems to be doing pretty well for himself NOW, but then again, that's like a whole 'nother Bat-lifetime -- and an entirely different story in the ongoing adventures of the Caped Crusader. 

And that's not where our story is, anyway.  The one WE'RE concerned about happened a while back, over there in that alternate reality. It might just could happen here in our reality, too. After September rolls around, that is.

So we'd better be concerned, I think.  

Let's go see how things turned out...

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

NIGHTWING said.

Just like he always did, ROBIN the SPERM WONDER swam about his Bat-Petri Dish, splashing his reply to DICK GRAYSON's plans.

Dick said. He tucked Robin safely into the special compartment on his belt, and together they bolted to the Batmobile.

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

More seasoned Heroes, especially those who'd been personally and drastically ret-conned before, knew a Fat BATMAN wouldn't do the Great Change's THREE Architects any good.

But a Batman in his twenties might! BATGIRL thought. She suggested that everybody should be looking for a more youthful Caped Crusader.  Barbara said she didn't know how young, really, but she was pretty confident Batman'd at least be old enough to walk.

Having just realized he'd have to endure puberty yet again, NIGHTWING found himself in agreement with the new red-haired girl.  As he looked about the room, he had the sneaking suspicion that Batman wasn't the only member of the BAT-FAMILY to have lost a few years. [Photo via]

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

If BATMAN was still somewhere in the DC Universe, a few others considered, perhaps they just didn't recognize him anymore.

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

Some thought that THE BATMAN had never even left DC Universe. With his mad skills, he could hide anywhere, be anyone.  For all they knew, Batman could be hiding in plain sight. [Art via]

And for a while, he did.

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

It's the one question that seemed to be on everybody's mind, Hero and Villain alike.

Somewhere in-between our Universe and the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

DARKSEID, dreaded Dark Lord of Apokolips, apologizes to Tumblrs in our universe for interrupting last night's SHERManifestation.  Mysteriously, an advance copy of his first book, A Darkseid Little Christmas, arrives at SUPERHERO HAPPY MEAL this morning via Parademon Courrier.

 HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, SUPER DADS!

All Dads are pretty darn super in our book, that's for sure. Whether yours is right there at home or someplace farther away, give him a call today. You know he'll appreciate it.  

ALL RIGHT! We've got some stoytelling to wrap-up today. So without further ado, it's time to head back to the Similar Universe of... SUPERBOY BIG GULP!

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 In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

WHOA!

Somehow, The Great SHERMagician's mental-link with his counterpart from a Similar Universe has been intercepted by none other than --- DARKSEID! [Art via]

This is definitely not part of the program, folks! This isn't supposed to happen! WHAT DO WE DO?!?!  AAACCKK!!

Well, for starters....<pant> <pant>... we need to calm down. Calm is good. Calm is good. Okay.... Next, we have to find out HOW -- maybe even WHY -- Darkseid has intercepted our SHERManifestation.

Needless to say, we'll have to resume things later, folks. That means whatever happened to THE BATMAN will have to wait --  at least until we know what Darkseid's up to.

Sorry, Big D! You're not getting rid of us that easily.  Don't have a clue what's gotten into you, but we are not quite done in the Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP! 

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

One HUGE Great Change and a total re-working of the DC Universe later, DONNA TROY still has no eff-ing clue who the eff she is. [Art via]

Currently, she prefers that her closest friends call her 'Rolando.'

In the post-DC Comics Relaunch Universe of SUPERBOY BIG GULP:

WALLY WEST, who to alot of people was  the one, true, and only FLASH,  eventually left Central City and moved to Hollywood.  After a critically-acclaimed yet short-lived film career, he now teaches Two-Step at Fred Astaire.